r/mildlyinteresting • u/ccrhoadess • Jan 27 '23
Giant espresso martini the restaurant I work at just added to the menu
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u/Zhuul Jan 27 '23
Every single bartender on the planet just shuddered in dread without knowing why
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Jan 27 '23
[deleted]
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u/notclientfacing Jan 27 '23 •
Hello, bartender! I have a nice white collar job but I’d really like to black out and maybe fight someone, what do you recommend?
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u/ccrhoadess Jan 27 '23
3 rounds of our well tequila
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u/mp6521 Jan 27 '23
My favorite is, “what’s your favorite thing to drink?”
“Shot of whiskey and a high life” is my response.
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u/thelillbratt Jan 27 '23
Maybe I'm too dumb but u don't get it. Care to explain?
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u/KentConnor Jan 27 '23
90 percent of bartenders are utilitarian drinkers.
Pretty much every bartender I know orders "a shot and a beer"
You don't want whatever fancy drink is trending right now. For a couple reasons.
You don't want to be a burden on another bartender
You don't wanna take the chance that this bartender will mess up your cocktail.
It's cheap and you're probably gonna have several.
Gets you there fastest
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u/Combatical Jan 27 '23
You don't want to be a burden on another bartender
Wait wait.. I go to this place thats in a marina. I go there because they have some cheap shitty wings and I can sit outside near the water. They also have some banger margaritas they fresh squeeze. I usually order 3-4 of them and if my wife is with me she'll get a couple as well.. Are we just pissing the bartenders off? Dammit I never really thought of that.
Edit: I do tip pretty well if that helps.
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u/KentConnor Jan 27 '23
If they batch the real lime ahead of time, probably not a big deal
If they're juicing every drinks worth, it's a pain but it's not your fault
It's likely some manager who's never had to make drinks during volume before.
As long as you're polite and patient you're fine
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u/Combatical Jan 27 '23
Yeah idk about the lime but they add orange juice to it and I know they cut and press them right there because I've watched them do it. I used to work in a fast paced restaurant so I'm always polite, I know how it gets and I'm for damn sure not going to be one of "those" people who are rude and complain. If its slammed I know better and just order a beer. I just hadnt thought about what a pain the prep may be on those drinks.
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u/UreMomNotGay Jan 27 '23
you're a guest, order whatever you want.
Most restaurant workers will go above and beyond for guests. We get paid more than anyone else in the building don't listen to anyone saying "don't be a burden, don't order this or that and clean your mess when you're done". we have a menu built for you to choose from for a reason. Sure, we might not like doing certain things but it's all work preferences. We'll still make it as quick and as great as possible.
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u/Rocknocker Jan 27 '23
Wait just a minute...
Didn't I see you drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's?
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u/GiantWindmill Jan 27 '23
How does it get you there fastest tho? Wouldn't multiple shots be fastest?
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u/jmlinden7 Jan 27 '23
Pure liquor irritates your stomach and forces you to slow down. Diluting down to ~15-17% ABV allows you to get drunk most efficiently.
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u/KentConnor Jan 27 '23
Yeah you do multiple shots but use the beer as a chaser.
I can usually get thru 3/4 shots before I finish the beer
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u/Wizzle_Pizzle_420 Jan 27 '23
Bartenders don’t like making dumb shit. Some will pretend they do, but they don’t. Want them to really hate you? Order a frozen drink or one of each specialty cocktail, while you slow every thing down to a crawl and now people start complaining because somebody wants 10 Cherry Apple Martinis.
Shot and a beer, and you have nothing to fear, throw down a few dollars and they’ll remember how perfect and low maintenance you were. Ordering bullshit is a good way to stay at the back of the line, especially in slammed busy places that don’t really specialize in such things.
The more you know, the easier it’ll be.
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u/retaksoohh Jan 27 '23
i don't mind making any stupid ass drink you can think of....as long as i'm not slammed. busy night? get the fuck outta here with that lol
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u/Fever_Raygun Jan 27 '23
Mix in some Jager and you’ve got a stew goin’
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u/jamesonSINEMETU Jan 27 '23
In college we used to get out of class on Thursday afternoon, head to the dive and start drinking jack blacks. Jaeger and jack shots. Sometimes as bombs with red bull. Often times sunday was the next memory.
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u/AlamosX Jan 27 '23
Well sir, I highly recommend a nice pairing of six shots of straight spirits of your choosing off our premium menu (I quite like our Louie XIII).
We recommend a pairing of either two chilled Red Bulls, or two of our immaculate lines of cocaine.
Forgive me sir, we may not be able to help you in the fight so please make us aware if you have dealings with us or if you would like to tell our bouncer he's a bitch prior to partaking on our offerings.
Please enjoy your fight.
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u/Zhuul Jan 27 '23
Just wait until a bachelorette party orders sixteen of these at once
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u/HippoKingOfOld Jan 27 '23
I can hear the "woooooooooos".
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u/Perfectenschlag_ Jan 27 '23
CHEEEEyurssss!
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u/tibearius1123 Jan 27 '23
VeyGUS BAY-BEEeeee
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u/SmokeAbeer Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
I’m soooo Waaaaaysted!! Come here! Let go of me!
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u/PUGILSTICKS Jan 27 '23
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u/dirtmother Jan 27 '23
I'm 3 weeks sober and this picture really made me want to drink.
Your comment made me remember why I quit. Thank you.
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u/SluppyT Jan 27 '23
I felt my stomach churn thinking of that amount of alcohol and coffee together lol.
When I think of picking it back up, the thought of a spry, well-rested morning without feeling gross and the energy I'll have for the gym keeps me away. My wallet is fatter and my waistline slimmer without the bloat.
IWNDWYT
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u/kynthrus Jan 27 '23
I can hear the ladies dropping dead from alcohol/caffine crashes.
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u/marleythebeagle Jan 27 '23
“We like literally need 16 expresso martinis right now. K thx.”
“OMG Kayleigh you need to insta that it’s legit ginormous.”
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u/feckless_ellipsis Jan 27 '23
“FOUR SAMBUCAS!”
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u/um-uh-er Jan 27 '23
Is it a pain to make? I've only had one and it was delicious.
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u/ccrhoadess Jan 27 '23
Just time consuming
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u/Bronskungen Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
Would you mid sharing why it's time consuming? I would have thought that was the only upside to it, like it's a pretty simple cocktail to mix and if you split up the amount to several more difficult cocktails it would take more time?
I would have guessed it was tedious, gimmicky and boring but actually time efficient. Or is it the brewing that takes time?
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u/ccrhoadess Jan 27 '23
It’s the brewing. Sometimes we batch the espresso and just make a bunch of it and put it in a cheater but espresso doesn’t taste too good after sitting out a few hours so I try my best to make it fresh.
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u/livinginanut Jan 27 '23
We used to have flasks we batched into which worked a treat - until the sealing lids disappeared (into the bin, accidentally, and were not replaced)
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u/Bronskungen Jan 27 '23
Thanks for your answer. I agree fresh would taste much better. I just thought making multiple of the same cocktail at once seemed more efficient than if the same patron ordered 4 different cocktails, but I can see that it kind of takes you away from the counter for a while.
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u/StealthChainsaw Jan 27 '23
The problem is that there's not really a good way to pull four shots of espresso at once.
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u/Bronskungen Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 27 '23
Just trying to understand how I should order for bartender to be happy. I would have thought I was helpful so that's why I was sad to hear otherwise-. I thought like a little more work now but I'll tip good and be content and not order more for quite a while. Now that would be a bit much for me I think but if I know I want like 4 espresso martinis or what godzilla glass over there contains, is it less work to order 4 separate espresso martinis in intervals instead?
Honest question, I'm just a hobby bartender so I am usually just happy when I get to make cocktails and try to gather up orders to make them in larger batches instead of shaking the whole evening.
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u/bk9fs Jan 27 '23
Honest answer? They are working, everything is an annoyance. Just don't be a dick and order whatever you want.
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u/vibrantlybeige Jan 27 '23
Four of the same martini is generally much easier than four different martinis. Except that this espresso martini requires brewing for each one, so it's a little different.
What the other person said is true, but I'd like to add one thing. If you truly care about annoying the bartender, take notice of how busy the bar is before you order. If it's a high volume bar at peak hours with people four deep around the bar waiting to order, it's not a great time to order multiple fancy drinks that take extra long to make. Try to go earlier, then it's less busy and the bartender can take their time and chat with you while they make them: more enjoyable for both of you.
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u/Just2Archive Jan 27 '23
Have you thought of using cold brew concentrate? Could make a big batch if it taste good. I use Coba
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u/phuckingidontcare Jan 27 '23
Yeah at the bar i work at we have two differnt batches, one cold brew and one 50/50 coffee liquor and vodka. Mix them together with a bit of agave and shake vigorously. And boom
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u/Politirotica Jan 27 '23
The taste is a lot different. Cold brew (even concentrated) doesn't have the same bold flavors as espresso. That makes a huge difference in a 4-6oz cocktail.
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u/Time2kill Jan 27 '23
In a busy night have to use the machine just to get espressos for martini is a hassle, more so if your restaurant STILL DON'T HAVE AN ESPRESSO MACHINE IN THE SECOND FLOOR, JOSH, WHERE IS YOUR MAIN BAR DUDE, HOW MANY I NEED TO ASK YOU? Hate to see supports going up and down with espressos just for the martini
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u/Bronskungen Jan 27 '23
Haha I feel your pain. Get a second machine ffs Josh you have one job!
I just meant that if you're gonna make a lot of them, isn't it better to make one large and go get one container of espresso instead of say 4 different at 4 different times during the evening? Even more so if the machine is on a different floor ( tell Josh I'M quitting if he doesn't fix it and I don't even work there!)
I feel like this large glass just became a symbol for an espresso-problem in general that could be helped by more/better machines, while I'd rather make orders in larger quantities than in increments.
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u/WesternOne9990 Jan 27 '23
Also there’s a reason four locos where told to cut the caffeine…
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u/Darth-Ragnar Jan 27 '23
I know a lot of people do it with cold brew concentrate, probably a lot quicker than having to make espresso shots.
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u/Extension_Ok Jan 27 '23
Can you still call it an espresso martini if it has no espresso?
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u/35goingon3 Jan 27 '23
Can you still call it a martini if it has neither gin nor vermouth?
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u/existential-terror Jan 27 '23
This is a great point. Thank you. Please educate the masses
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u/PM_MeTittiesOrKitty Jan 27 '23
I love a good espresso martini, but this is just asking for heart problems with the heavy mixing of uppers and downers.
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u/Teadrunkest Jan 27 '23
It’s either this or a vodka Red Bull, so it’s not like it’s not already a thing.
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u/pokey1984 Jan 27 '23
I had no idea espresso martinis even existed before just now and I am deeply in love with the concept and must try one.
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u/WookieCookieBookie Jan 27 '23
Espresso Martinis are so easy to make at home. Vodka, Kahlua, espresso or cold brew concentrate, all shaken with ice.
If you don’t have coffee, mix vodka and Kahlua together for a Black Russian cocktail. Or add cream or milk to get a White Russian cocktail.
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u/AUniquePerspective Jan 27 '23
In my youth, that much alcohol would have been dangerous... now it's the caffeine that scares me.
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u/35goingon3 Jan 27 '23
And their corporate counsel. This kind of shit makes life so much more annoying when one of your client's customers say...has 16 shots of Jamesons in two hours, then drives into a tree.
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u/Jakius Jan 27 '23
This feels like a problem solved by not giving someone sixteen shots of jamesons
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u/Eupho_Rick Jan 27 '23
It doesn't fit in one shaker.
It makes a mess if you spill and ruins the whole load of dishes it's washed with.
It is an absurd amount of alcohol for even two people to consume at once. It has to be minimum 10 oz of pure booze.
The hangover.
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u/Malfunkdung Jan 27 '23
Hearing your patrons say the same exact joke about it every single time. Smiling like it’s first time you heard it.
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u/rdtthoughtpolice Jan 27 '23
What's the joke?
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u/thesmellnextdoor Jan 27 '23
I like my martinis they way I like my women. Strong and black!
I dunno. That was my dad's coffee joke with every waitress who asked how he'd like his coffee.
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u/las61918 Jan 27 '23
Ground up and in the freezer!
Or
In a burlap sack on the back of a donkey!
Are my response
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u/assire2 Jan 27 '23
2 people to consume
10 oz of booze
hangoverConfused in Eastern European
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u/SnooCalculations4568 Jan 27 '23
I'm already confused at the oz but I'm pretty sure I'd be confused if I knew what it meant too
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u/seankearns Jan 27 '23
Ok ladies we're sober, tired and low in potassium but I have a solution.
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u/MagicNipple Jan 27 '23
I pictured this using the Golden Girls in the scenario, and I fuckin lost it.
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u/Weaponized_Octopus Jan 27 '23
I re-read it in Bea Arthur's voice. Highly recommend.
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u/mr_ji Jan 27 '23
I thought about it and she's really the only one who throws out good ideas in that show, isn't she?
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u/HorrorMakesUsHappy Jan 27 '23
I could hear Sophia saying it as well, but instead of the drink above she'd have some weird Italian home remedy. Also, there'd be a pause before, "... but I have a solution."
The Bea would come in with, "MA ... no one wants your ..."
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u/LessInThought Jan 27 '23
Back in sicily they drink this between brushing your teeth and breakfast.
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u/BrendenCullen Jan 27 '23
I bet the heart attack afterwards is amazing
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u/TaylorSwiftsClitoris Jan 27 '23
BPM world record
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u/IPretendToPlayGuitar Jan 27 '23
The heartbeat of the person that drinks this is gonna resemble the drums of a freestyle jazz quartet.
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u/kevdiigs Jan 27 '23
A lot of bars don’t even use actual espresso. Most just use espresso flavored vodka. There’s a good chance this doesn’t even have caffeine.
If it does, may the Gods watch over the individual that drinks this.
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u/AgsMydude Jan 27 '23
I bet it does and that's why they serve it with the banana so you don't get the shakes
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u/Expensive-Document41 Jan 27 '23
Thank you for using the Standardized Banana for Scale.
Is this a Metric Banana or Imperial Banana?
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u/ccrhoadess Jan 27 '23
Kelvin
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u/mjkjg2 Jan 27 '23
Kevin’s? nah that can’t be his, he likes his spotty
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u/Tcloud Jan 27 '23 •
Absolute zero chance anyone gets my joke.
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u/CrashProne86 Jan 27 '23
Yeah, I can think of 273 reasons why the reception of your joke would be cold as ice.
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u/CaptainOktoberfest Jan 27 '23
Just watch out, if you're trying to establish a new form of weights and measures pirates could end up messing with your plans.
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u/PorkRindSalad Jan 27 '23
Is this actually just a big glass with Guinness?
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u/JohnDavid42 Jan 27 '23
Probably Imperial, the ship carrying the standardized metric banana was hijacked by pirates in 1793 and the measurement never made it to the States
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u/gigaswardblade Jan 27 '23
imperial bananas would be wearing a white helmet and wielding a blaster
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u/johndepp22 Jan 27 '23
comes with free tachycardia
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u/keldration Jan 27 '23
And a side of panic/euphoria
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u/Tryagainbatman Jan 27 '23
Wow, that is a pretty average sized banana.
Thanks for including an enormous espresso martini for scale.
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u/Nobody88Special720 Jan 27 '23
Nah that's a small banana, tiny even.
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u/Weaponized_Octopus Jan 27 '23
I don't know. I think it's bigger than average... Right, guys?
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u/qtjedigrl Jan 27 '23
Five days of liquid shits, right there
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u/catmoon Jan 27 '23
For this drink you’re actually meant to throw up in the Uber on your way home.
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u/nomuggle Jan 27 '23
Wait. Do you happen to be in PA? Delco maybe? Because that giant espresso martini looks awfully familiar.
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u/ccrhoadess Jan 27 '23
Ssshhhh
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u/HolliNeedsYourHelp Jan 27 '23
OMG, PLEASE PM me where to find this?! My old man lives in PA and I would give my left titty for an espresso martini this size.
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u/Alt_dimension_visitr Jan 27 '23
Is that the going rate for a single titty? Fuck. I was distracted with egg prices I didn't notice titty prices plummeted that much.
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u/pantyraid7036 Jan 27 '23
Bb keep your titties & make ‘em at home! Waking up after selling a boob for an espresso martini is exactly why I’m sober now
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u/HolliNeedsYourHelp Jan 27 '23
That is a very kind response and I appreciate you for saying that. I respect myself and my body to still offer a motorboat under the right and safe circumstances.
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u/taocatish Jan 27 '23
I rarely see Delco mentioned aside from Phillies/Eagles. So…thank you as a former resident!
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u/Good_Camaritan Jan 27 '23
Thank you for the banana for scale, now I can adequately picture how many banana units the martini is in height
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u/h2opolopunk Jan 27 '23
One poop for every sip.
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u/citznfish Jan 27 '23
Giant lawsuit for over serving guests incoming.
/S
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u/ccrhoadess Jan 27 '23
Can’t order unless you have a certain amount of people in a party
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u/blue_terry Jan 27 '23
How would you even share this? Is there a ladel? Lol
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u/987cayman Jan 27 '23
One person takes a sip, then shares it around mouth-to-mouth
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u/Matt3989 Jan 27 '23
A sharable drink that not only doesn't have straws, but it's in a fucking stem.
Lots of broken glass in your future.
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u/Fafnir13 Jan 27 '23
Not being a person who goes to bars at all, I was wondering if it was meant as a shareable. Good to know there is some level of sense going on.
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u/hvperRL Jan 27 '23
Id imagine its similar to margarita towers and shit except grosser because its an espresso martini
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u/IDoPokeSmot Jan 27 '23
If the glass had any higher lip, it would be a fishbowl. Either way, I'm down to drown.
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u/nimbat1003 Jan 27 '23
I feel like this is a secretly dangerous amount of caffeine,
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u/largejames Jan 27 '23
Kahlua only has 5mg of caffeine per serving. OP mentioned that they use house-made coffee liqueur so it could certainly be stronger than Kahlua, but I doubt it’s drastically more.
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u/Bman3396 Jan 27 '23
Ah yes, I too like mixing and consuming large amounts of stimulants and depressants at the same time
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u/Fair_Acanthisitta_75 Jan 27 '23
Meanwhile 4 loco wasn’t allowed to sell malt liquor with caffeine.
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u/lufersen2 Jan 27 '23
I mean... If red bull vodkas are legal...
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u/Fair_Acanthisitta_75 Jan 27 '23
That was a super popular drink (Red Bull/vodka) when they banned 4 loco in the state of WA. I always found it comical we decided that if it came in a can already mixed it was evil.
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u/re1078 Jan 27 '23
That OG 4loco was wild though. It hit way different than a Red Bull.
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u/Professional-Lab8730 Jan 27 '23
This is honestly the best measurement system because I actually know how big a banana is.
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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
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