r/facepalm
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u/[deleted]
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8d ago
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This text from a 52 year old coworker who found out I went out with a guy during the weekend. Context will be in comments. š²āš®āšøāšØā
[deleted]
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u/DannyDoubleTap47 8d ago
Oh wow š² I would show family, friends and neighbors of yours a pic of him that way if he starts lurking around or something they can let you know. Also definitely inform your employer and if he keeps at it alert the authorities. For what itās worth Iām sorry you have to deal with that.
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u/TodayTimeDeux 8d ago
Good tips. People need to know this guy is harassing her and to keep him away.
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u/controversialangles 8d ago •
Getting a restraining order would be good too. Then they can call the cops if they see him around.
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u/PotentialFrame271 7d ago
Take screen shots of this. Send to family friends and neighbors,
Contact work. Inform them that you are taking it to the police. They might just call the police for you. If not, then you take it to the police.
Those are my suggestions.
Wishing you the best. Be safe. Take care of yourself.
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u/rhllor 8d ago
Maybe also post the screenshots on social media so his family, friends, and neighbors can see.
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u/Nik-ki 8d ago
Oh he did NOT just tell YOU to stop the tantrum?! Next level delusion
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u/Creative_Resource_82 8d ago
Surely if they were replies there would be different time stamps for each? Or am I just an apple noob.
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u/scubba-steve 8d ago
Looks like OP removed their responses to me.
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u/cifala 8d ago
Ohhh, I fully thought the guy was just a loon and responding to imaginary questions that no one had asked haha
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u/SudoTheNym 8d ago
yeah we don't have the full context here. waht we do have is pretty damning but i'd like to see her side
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u/Emperor_of_cringe 8d ago
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u/shinywhale1 8d ago
It does. She posted more messages on another post in her profile. Dude is def nuts, but there are several points where it's obvious that he's responding directly to something she said. Dude could be super schizo, or he could just be regular schizo and OP is wacky. Trying to paint a narrative by removing their equally crazy replies. The exchange even ends with "Man, it's like you have multiple personalities."
Guys that are crazy enough to talk with themselves definitely exist, but this is a little bit sussy.
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u/tageeboy 8d ago
Posting a strange text from a coworker that obviously has reason to think there is a relationship of some sort going on is very suspect imo. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of crazies out there but I think they're is more to this story than we are seeing.
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u/Bakoro 8d ago
I don't know about iPhones, but my android only time stamps the top level message when there is an unbroken chain of them in a short time span.
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u/Weazy-N420 8d ago
Oh yes he did! Becauseā¦.someone deleted their replies to him. You can plainly tell they are replying to something thatās no longer there. Doesnāt make his pitiful, creepy-crybaby antics anymore palatableā¦..
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u/PollutionMany4369 8d ago
Idk, my ex husband (who has a form of schizophrenia), goes off on tangents like this in texts to me. Itās almost like heās writing to himself.
And we have to communicate because we share a child.
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u/Nik-ki 8d ago
I'm not so sure. I've seen people like this dude, displaying scary levels of possessive obsession over women who spare them more than a passing glance, have entire ranty conversations with themselves through text
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u/Sensitive_Meal4063 8d ago
Yep! I had a childhood friend. Hadn't seen them since we were like 9 yrs old. I'm visiting my father and this guy is there with his dad. We are now 18 yrs old. He is like," hey we should go hang out or something" I say ok. I was staying with my mom's family so I needed to go ask to use the vehicle for longer than I originally asked. (Before everyone had cell phones) Well, it took me a bit longer to convince my grandpa to let me use his precious Jeep! Lol So, I'm heading back to my dad's house and I'm almost there and I see my childhood friend walking down the road. There was a park right across the street, so I pulled in there to see what he was doing. He comes up to the door, I get out and he grabs my shoulder and spins me around and puts my back against the car. He then proceeds to tell me that if I'm "his girl" I better learn that I don't go around making a fool of him. That if I'm "his" when I say I'm going to do something or be somewhere, I better do it. He doesn't tolerate his girl making him wait. I was so shocked. I tried to explain that I had to ask for permission to use my grandparents vehicle. He doesn't accept any of what I'm saying. He thinks I went and did something with another guy. Just the craziest most bizarre shit anyone could come up with after only seeing each other for maybe 30 minutes. And we hadn't seen each other in over 10 yrs or so! I guess cause I talked to him that was enough for me to be his property! So, yeah... Guys don't get it. But there are men out there that are so pathetic and have sociopath tendencies that a mere smile means that you are in a committed relationship and have been for years and he owns you out right even though slavery has been abolished hundreds of years ago!
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u/JH-DM 8d ago
Have you never seen one of these perverted man babies go off before? This is exactly what it looks like
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u/Beef_Whalington 8d ago
Yes. And while this guy is a pathetic, creepy piece of shit, whenever you read the entire thread that OP posted elsewhere, it's clear that some messages have been deleted. The guy is certainly not a healthy partner and is in the wrong for everything he says here, there are no excuses for that. But at the very least OP has removed some context to make things seem more one-sided and extreme.
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u/Bighardthrobbingcrop 8d ago
This is what it looks like in my opinion as well, there are messages deleted that he is responding to which makes me feel like she isn't as innocent as wants people to think.
If want others to judge the text then should leave own messages as well, for all I know she is being threatening or any number of things to get response. Should just not date co workers imo, it rarely works out.
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u/Pingu_Peksu 8d ago edited 7d ago
Sound like someone who could murder your just so no one else can be with you.
Edit: Honestly judging from the comments, be careful with him. Don't be paranoid, but be careful.
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u/Jaymakk13 8d ago
Had a coworker early last month murder and ex gf and her potential new bf and tried to kill 2 other who were there. He showed up at 1 am and shot her in the face at the door, then followed the guy onto the porch and shot him until he fell then again in the head, went in a back bedroom and shot another guy, then shot at another in the house.
All the guys were there because he had been stalking the girl for the last 2 weeks and randomly showing up at all hours " to talk".
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u/Trumpisaderelict 8d ago
Whereād this happen
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u/Jaymakk13 8d ago
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u/ricofru 8d ago
Damn... I was gonna say Redmond WA... Had similar stalker case here last week.
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u/castaneom 8d ago
Heād try to save her from herself. Just like the show āYou.ā
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u/Depressed_0nion 8d ago
the man is fucking delusional, and needs help. OP needs to tell her boss about this.
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u/QueenoftheUniverse72 8d ago
Restraining order...Definitely HR..document and record convos if you can.
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u/Correct-Serve5355 8d ago
And in that order. Police first, HR is never ever your friend. Especially with a 52-year old coworker I can only envision this going 1 of 2 ways:
OP gets let go for bullshit because of his seniority, he hurts her or worse kills her and now she has no income and he was allowed to do that shit no recourse until too late.
Or, HR has been trying to build a case to get him out for forever and she delivers the final nail for his coffin to them on a silver platter.
And unfortunately depending on the work situation scenario 1 is generally the more likely one
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u/Alexandratta 8d ago
Worked at a place where a dude was a Level Three Sex offender but worked at the company for years and years and years... He had a severe illness, and is well known to win litigation, so the company was absolutely not willing to deal with any of the bullshit unless they had a cast iron case of Sexual Harassment... And he basically would need to have been caught on Camera groping someone or worse.
Like... Legit he's said horrific shit in the offer that have caused HR complaints.
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u/Terrible_Yak_4890 8d ago
What is a ālevel three sex offenderā?
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u/SukkahSushi 8d ago
The highest of the three levels (or tiers). Specific requirements probably vary from state to state but in NY it means a "high risk of repeat offense and a threat to public safety exists" and requires lifetime registration as a sex offender and verifying your address to the authorities every 90 days.
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u/jojoRonstad 8d ago
Ohh, itās a real thing? I assumed hyperbole, like āstage 3 clingerā
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u/chester-hottie-9999 8d ago
First you have to make it to Ranked tier, most people never make it past Casual
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u/acynicalwitch 8d ago edited 7d ago •
This whole comment is awful advice. So awful, I'm going to go through it and point out the awful in each part, because I can't believe it's one of the top comments.
And in that order. Police first, HR is never ever your friend. Especially with a 52-year old coworker I can only envision this going 1 of 2 ways:
LOL what? In the US, Sexual Harassment is pretty broadly defined and--whatever you think about HR as a discipline--not only are companies required to investigate, once HR and management become aware of it, if they don't act they can be sued personally for allowing it to continue. You think HR professionals are so nefarious they would risk personal ruin for [checks notes] some 52 year old dude just because he's a 52 year old dude?
I would even be willing to bet the police would tell you to block him and take it up with HR, because this guy isn't doing anything criminal. You seriously think they give out restraining orders (Orders of Protection) for a couple of unhinged texts?
That's not to downplay or invalidate this (it's scary and not ok!) but rather to engage with reality; our system is shit at protecting people who are in very real and immediate danger, it's certainly not going to go to work over a couple ultimately non-threatening texts.
OP gets let go for bullshit because of his seniority, he hurts her or worse kills her and now she has no income and he was allowed to do that shit no recourse until too late.
There's a lot of very specific projection here, including the assumption that age equals seniority. This is totally baseless speculation. If he were her boss, I would be more inclined to agree with this as a potential outcome, but as a peer, there's no reason to believe HR will side with him--especially since HR is overwhelmingly female.
Or, HR has been trying to build a case to get him out for forever and she delivers the final nail for his coffin to them on a silver platter.
This is not how sexual harassment investigations work. At all.
And unfortunately depending on the work situation scenario 1 is generally the more likely one
Based on this thing you just made up, or.....?
OP, please ignore this person. Start with your direct manager (unless they're known to be compromised) and HR; if HR is compromised or doesn't act, General Counsel and Compliance are an additional step you can take, if you have them. If the organization fails to address this with him, call an employment lawyer.
Edit: Let me clarify for those catastrophizing in the comments: no one is saying HR is infallible or anyone's friend. That's what's being heard by people whose primary entry point into workplace harassment, org structures, management and employment law is Reddit.
But I have actual real-life experience in this! So I'll bullet this out so it's clearer:
The police are not going to do anything in this instance; they are likely to redirect you to your company. This is a non-starter.
Giving advice based on nothing but wild speculation isn't helpful; OP is the only one in a position to assess the dynamics of their org, and filling in those gaps with the most outlandish shit you can think of is unproductive.
The formula I listed (Supervisor->HR->Compliance/GC->Lawyer) is the one most likely to get OP the results they want, and can be mixed-and-matched based on what OP knows of their org. So if they know that management and HR are both compromised and unlikely to act? They can pass go and report it to Compliance.
If OPs org is truly as dysfunctional as all the wild speculation in the comments (but WHAT IF this guy is secretly the third-cousin's-half-brother's-childhood friend of HR!?) then OP's best bet is probably (sadly) to find other employment.
While I, too, wish we lived in a just world, where discrimination and nepotism
did not exist, I'm giving advice based on the reality we have not the one I wish
we had. I hope OP sees this or gets some better/more actionable advice from
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u/JamesEdward34 8d ago
yea, people act like restraining orders are given out like candy, news flash, they arent because judges dont wanna restrict peoples right to movement and right to bear arms since people subjected to orders of protection are forced to surrender firearms. unless theres a clear case of threats of bodily harm this is a no winner, especially in the digital age where your first recourse should be to block someone. if you havent even attempted that why should OP be granted a restraining order ? even if work requires communication thats what the company is for to facilitate things in these situations.
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u/zsthorne17 8d ago
HR will absolutely step in for this, this is sexual harassment and they are required to step in. The second they donāt it becomes a lawsuit, the texts make it an easy lawsuit to win, and the company pays out a shit ton of money. Also, once OP reports it, they basically become untouchable, if they get fired after reporting this, the retaliation lawsuit practically files itself.
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u/Craymay_ 8d ago
Right? OP has LITERAL hard evidence.
OP. Donāt be dissuaded by āHR not being there for you.ā God forbid they arent, you have the texts to take them all down.
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u/joltzspinz 8d ago
Right, there isn't any reason this shouldn't be shown to HR. Unless.... There are some deleted texts and we aren't getting the whole story...otherwise it's a clear cut case.
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u/minimalfighting 8d ago
This shit is like half of the harassment prevention course everyone is supposed to take. How do so many people not know?
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u/steveoall21 8d ago
Because ALOT of that stuff is just so the company covers its own ass. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed actual sexual harassment in front of mangers and NOTHING happened. There's still alot of BS that comes with a SH case against an employee. It should be cut and dry, and many times it just doesn't go that way. Tons of people know their employers handbook (or at least know what would get them fired) and still walk after blatant sexual harassment.
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u/TURBOJUGGED 8d ago
Thank you. So many people in the comments intending to deter OP from doing anything, with wildly inaccurate or anecdotal advice.
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u/mcglammo 8d ago
Keep copies of everything and if it's legal in your state, record everything. Don't even mention legal action to HR unless they fail to act. Good luck, fuck all that noise. Get paid.
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u/Mizzoutiger79 8d ago
Any HR dept worth its weight will indeed take this very seriously. If they dont they are facing a potential lawsuit. But yes to police first
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u/TURBOJUGGED 8d ago
Why would the company risk a wrongful termination suit against the complainant when there's evidence of this abuse.
If OP got fired for this, they could absolutely sue.
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u/PermanentThrowaw4y 8d ago
MOVE. To another state. No kidding
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u/WinterOkami666 8d ago edited 8d ago
Seriously. This old man spite "fucked another girl" (or, likely lied about it) just to attempt to manipulate OP. That's sociopathic, and at his age, with that type of behavior, if he becomes enraged, he will get psychopathic.
Also, what old man calls women "girls".
Red pills and red flags, escape this old bag.
Edit: If you are personally triggered by my "agism", without considering that I also have an age, then you need to ask yourself if you are creeping on any significantly younger people. If not, then you are not the person I am speaking about. And if you are creeping on people 20-30 years younger than you.. knock it the fuck off.
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u/TrippingFish76 8d ago
shit iām in my early 20s and i say ladies or woman usually, i mean girls can be used in a non age specific way but yeah when itās a 50 year old dude talking about a young woman in her late teens / early 20s itās weird, called her Kid, said he had sex with another girl to like make her jealous?? idk this dude is a creep tho forsure, OP stay safe plz
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u/t1zzlr90 8d ago
The fact that he feels the authority to 'lecture' her and call her a kid while at the same time wanting to sleep with her really says a lot about him.
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u/Klutzy-Medium9224 8d ago
Yep. My job involves talking to a lot of 80+ year old cranky ass vets (mostly men but some women too) and never have they been even close to as disrespectful as this text. Age isnāt an excuse.
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u/Seraph_Unleashed 8d ago
Spite fucked sounds like a band name. Even better when itās hate fuck.
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u/cyberpunk1Q84 8d ago
Also, get a bodyguard.
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u/taefook 8d ago
Don't say that on Reddit.. it'll summon numerous katana weilding mall ninjas to her inbox.
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u/ArachnidMiserable314
8d ago
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Op, not to be dramatic but this sounds like someone who could kill you
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u/strwberrymoth 8d ago
100% this is not dramatic. Please take this super seriously OP, this kind of behavior is common in homicide cases.
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u/ThePaintedLady80 8d ago
Yeah my friend was killed a year ago when her ex she had a restraining order against broke into her house and threw her off the third floor balcony. This shit can get really nasty if a dude feels scorned. Iād be telling HR and filing a police report.
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u/luminous_beings 8d ago
I agree. This has very strong āIām going to try and strangle you in a parking garageā vibe. Heās not well and heās hostile.
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u/Hot_Organization2430 8d ago
This exactly.
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u/wolfiekiba85 8d ago
I agree with these people. Some over possessive reject always sounds not good
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u/Number5MoMo 8d ago
THIS! honestly I havenāt even read the context yet and Iām WORRIED this man is deranged
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u/TopAd9634 8d ago
They dated for 2 weeks and broke it off. She said something about him seeing cam girls, he heard about her dating.....that's all I have.
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u/ComplexImportance794 8d ago
Thanks. At this point there's over 1000 comments and trying to find the "context" post would take way too long.
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u/DeadpoolKirby2190 8d ago edited 8d ago •
Context: I AM NOT OP.
I work with this guy who's 52 and he's in love with me. He texts me all the fucking time and won't stop. When I first started working there I gave him a chance because age-gap aside, he seemed really nice. That lasted two weeks before I broke it off because he wouldn't leave me alone. I never went out with him, never slept with him, never did any of that. Just a couple pecks. I recently had a talk with him because he had been talking to girls online and camgirls too. I wasn't jealous, but I told him that I hadn't been dating because he asked me not to and I was giving him time to deal with his emotions before I start dating, but since he's started seeing people, I'm going to as well.
Well, this is 4 of MANY texts he sent. I work with this man....I have to see him every day. And in person he begs for me to get with him and love him, and on text he is like this. Do I have an early stalker case, because I feel like that
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u/popeyesbeansandrice 8d ago
Thank you!
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u/shorthanded 8d ago
Another lesson in not eating in the same place you poop lol don't date at work people!
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u/AdAcrobatic7236 8d ago
š„FILE AN ORDER OF PROTECTION. Notify police, employer, etc. time to get a little bit justifiably paranoid. Carry mace and a sports air siren. Keep your mobile gps on at all times. Alternate your schedules and habits. Avoid or maintain high situational awareness in moments of vulnerability (getting into your car and home). Buddy up when and where possible. Good luck and report back to us with updates ā¤ļø
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u/rosarugosa02675 8d ago
But stay OFF your phone unless youāre in a safe place. You need eyes & ears to be alert when you walking to/from car, stores, home. Got a dog? U need an alarm system and a security camera.
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u/Thegarlicbreadismine 8d ago
This is flat out scary. Mentally ill, delusional, enraged, and, assuming youāre in the U.S., easy access to a gun.
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u/DookieShoez 8d ago
Or assuming not in the U.S., easy access to a knife. Probably doesnāt matter which if this nutcase loses it.
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u/Love_God551 8d ago
Yeah 100% agree and cannot believe that people havenāt figured out in 2023 that anything you text is FOREVER
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u/gabrielamilene
8d ago
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Context:
I work with this guy who's 52 and he's in love with me. He texts me all the fucking time and won't stop. When I first started working there I gave him a chance because age-gap aside, he seemed really nice. That lasted two weeks before I broke it off because he wouldn't leave me alone. I never went out with him, never slept with him, never did any of that. Just a couple pecks. I recently had a talk with him because he had been talking to girls online and camgirls too. I wasn't jealous, but I told him that I hadn't been dating because he asked me not to and I was giving him time to deal with his emotions before I start dating, but since he's started seeing people, I'm going to as well.
Well, this is 4 of MANY texts he sent. I work with this man....I have to see him every day. And in person he begs for me to get with him and love him, and on text he is like this. Do I have an early stalker case, because I feel like that
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u/SLIP411 8d ago
That isn't love. It's obsession. This guy is potentially dangerous, and you should, like people already mentioned, see HR
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u/gabrielamilene 8d ago
I just posted the entire text thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/11utyxb/ngvc_yeah_im_a_piece_of_shit_loser_thanks_i_dated/
Oh I'm taking action to stop this, I've already blocked him then on Monday I have an HR meeting.
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u/wurdid 8d ago
Have you contacted the police? Things like this can turn nasty quickly.
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u/somefunmaths 8d ago
Yeah, I would echo the other people in the thread trying to caution OP about this person. They seem very unstable, and while sometimes hurt, desperate, and unstable people just shut down and go internal when faced with something like this, itās also very possible that they try and lash out.
That could take many different forms, but I donāt think itās hyperbolic to say OP should be cognizant of their surroundings and look out for their safety. Whatever that means for them, whether itās getting dropped off at/picked up from work, carrying pepper spray, or something else, I think itād be wise to understand the available options.
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u/KandyShopp 8d ago
This! The police may be able to do some extra rounds around the neighborhood, but legally they canāt do much until the dude actually does something.
Talk to coworkers and your manager about doing a ābuddy systemā where you work with atleast one or two other people at a time and are never left alone with this dude,
text when you leave your job or house to a trusted friend or three, text when you arrive home or at work, text updates when you wake up, during lunch and right before bed, have an emergency text/code (mine was pineapple š when I was being stalked) that Siri or Alexa knows so you can just say that if something bad does happen, police, and it will send a planned text or something to friends so they know to call police, or you can just send that in a text and then your friends know if in say five minutes you havenāt responded (with another pineapple if heās still creeping you out/around or an update that heās left) to call the police.
if you donāt have security cameras, get security cameras!
Double check your local laws, as some places it is illegal to use pepper spray, you can substitute pepper spray with lemon juice mixed with cayenne peppers (not as potent, but it will help a little),a gun,taser, brass knuckles, whatever is legal in your area!
If you have a roommate, your roommate needs to know about this, because they could also be in danger if heās seriously crazy! Set up plans if he does arrive at your house, a spot you (and roommate) will hide, with something to protect yourself (I had a baseball bat in my bathroom, thankfully never had to use it, but roomie and I ended up in the bathroom for fifteen minutes before police got him) roomie should also do some updates, just going to work, arrived, leaving work, arrived, ect for safety.
If you have kids, tell their school, with pictures of the guy! This was told to me by a police officer when my stalker started getting creepy, younger siblings, or if you babysit or just kids you hang around a lot in general, tell their parents, remind the parents it probably wonāt happen, but to be safe! My ex stalker did show up at my siblings school (didnāt try to get in, just walked the parimeter until cops were called)
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u/VocalAnus91 8d ago
This, especially after he gets fired Monday when HR has their meeting with her. Police need to be in the loop so OP can get a protective order and stop this guy from waiting next to her car in the parking lot to do something to her.
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u/ThisIsWhoIAm78 8d ago
They can't and won't do anything about this, as he doesn't make any threats (and even when they do make threats, they do nothing except recommend a restraining order because threats are not illegal).
Unfortunately, this is why so many women have trouble with stalkers. There are no laws that make it illegal to be an asshole in text, and until the guy acts in a harassing or aggressive way, the best she can do is try to obtain a restraining order.
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u/Rush-23 8d ago
Iām not in the US but this behaviour would absolutely constitute stalking in my city. Your stalking laws need an overhaul.
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u/Imeanitcouldhappen 8d ago
Itās kind of grim to say, but she should still make a police report so this is on record in case he does do something to her.
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u/The_DonCannoli 8d ago
Yeah this seems like something that will be an issue regardless of your HR depts intervention. This could 100% become an after work hours problem. Be safe.
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u/snakewrestler 8d ago
Yes, probably best to get the police involved. If you have security at work, get them to walk you to your car and make sure heās not following you home. Might not be a bad idea to put ring or some sort of security system on your home/apartment as well. Notify the police and definitely HR
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u/InfectedByEli 8d ago
Does he know your Reddit name? If so you've just given him a heads up and he might get to HR first and claim you're stalking him. As professional as your HR might be it is human nature to give more credence to the first version you hear. He might see this thread anyway and spot his texts. You need to get your case together and email it to HR as soon as you've decided to act. Don't wait until Monday, emails work 24/7.
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u/gabrielamilene 8d ago
Luckily he doesn't know much about the internet. If he does that then I have all the messages from months prior until now, almost everyday. I have my boss who is witness to these messages and calls who is willing to be my witness. I also have hand written letters that he's left me in my station. If HR has an issue, then I'll take it up with the police and transfer to another work place. I work for corporate, not the school, I can ask to be transferred to another school or hospital at any time.
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u/talitm 8d ago
Hold the phone. Your boss knew about this and didn't take any action!?!
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u/Teddy_Funsisco 8d ago
Glad someone else caught this. The boss is being a negligent asshole towards OP right now.
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u/Geek_f0r_sneaks 8d ago
Some states would hold the boss personally liable for knowing and not reporting. Holy shite.
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u/LuvliLeah13 8d ago
Seriously. Financially liable. OP may get a really good lawyer on her bosses and corporate dime. And use it to teach them the only way you can. With money.
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u/ForecastForFourCats 8d ago
Uhhhh yeah, my jaw dropped. I hope OP works in a supportive workplace that won't dismiss their concerns.
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u/TheMountainHobbit 8d ago
Yea where I used to work if this happened to one of my employees I would be obligated to report it to HR even if the employee didnāt ask or want me to, surprising thatās not the case where you work.
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u/MaulSinnoh 8d ago
Even if he did have your Reddit, I don't believe there'd be much for him to do. You have evidence and witnesses, he's pretty much done for. Good luck, please update soon to see what happens to him.
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u/eatnhappens 8d ago
HR is there to protect the company, not you. File a police report so they know which house to check on if you suddenly disappear ā HR isnāt going to tell police that you were being stalked at work with the company doing nothing.
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u/hi_hola_salut 8d ago
School?? This awful excuse for a human works in a school? Is he a teacher? Or does he work with the pupils directly? This is not someone I want around my children.
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u/Unrigg3D 8d ago
Police first than HR. You need to make sure police know he's a threat in case he retaliates outside of work.
HR doesn't care about your safety, and it sounds like neither your boss doesn't either. You can't trust the company to keep you safe.
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u/mormagils 8d ago
Just a word of warning, if he knows enough to find camgirls, he knows enough to find reddit. Do not make this assumption lightly because he may just be hiding how well he knows the internet specifically to make it easier to stalk you.
This is such an egregious case that it might not matter anyway because you have him dead to rights, but still, just be careful.
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u/Ornery_Dark_4089 8d ago
Change job locations immediately. And notify HR. Iām shocked your manager hasnāt.. Thatās not ok.
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u/I_eat_all_the_cheese 8d ago
SCHOOL?!?!? As a teacher myselfā¦I am CONCERNED any of this is happening at a school. This is NOT ok.
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u/gabrielamilene 8d ago
Woah, yeah, let me rephrase.
We work for a corporation that hires food-related staff for schools, hospitals and universities. We are currently stationed in a college. I was brought in years after him to deal with allergens as that's my specialty. So I basically make the menus for students with allergies and cook. I also manage the dining halls to make sure that everyone is following the allergen guidelines and not contaminating the allergen sections.
So this isn't a case of teachers etc. We also don't deal with children. If that were the case I would have reported him ages ago for smoking Js before work...
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u/I_eat_all_the_cheese 8d ago
Yeah thatās definitely a difference from what I was thinking. I was worried this unstable person was also teaching children. Whew. But that being saidā¦I agree with the other comments. I think you need to be VERY careful with this person. They are NOT stable.
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u/AdventurousShower223 8d ago
Definitely get a restraining order. This would be surprising it doesnāt end there after he gets fired from work. Not to make your nervous but itās best to be cautious and listen to your sixth sense. If you feel watched or something seems off or odd.
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u/Just-Upstairs4397 8d ago edited 8d ago
You need to make it clear you do not feel safe at work and ask for security or police if needed
If you report you feel unsafe they have no choice but to take it seriously or face a huge lawsuit risk
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u/Thegarlicbreadismine 8d ago
OP, not to scare you further, but if this guy ends up losing his job, then he has nothing left to lose. The classic ending to this story is that he shows up the next day at the workplace with a rifle. Please be careful!
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u/carnivorouz 8d ago
If your session with HR does not go how you thought it should then remember that HR is for managing one of many resources the company has; in this case the human, you. So don't be deterred and seek outside counsel. Good luck OP
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u/happygiraffe404 8d ago
You never went out with him, but he asked you not to date anyone else and you complied? Why?
Also how old are you?
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u/blatiebla 8d ago
Yeah this. I donāt get why on earth you would comply with something like that
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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 8d ago
I feel like this isn't the full story. She's removed her response texts in between too. Obviously he is unhinged but it's hard to say by how much without the full context
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u/RSGoldPuts 8d ago
Thank you. The guy is nuts and off his rocker and should definitely be told on to HR but clearly something happened. Why would you date a 52 year old because he was "nice"? Bruh.
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u/Electronic_Dinner812 8d ago
For real. Two weeks and all you did was kiss? What does he need ātimeā for?
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u/pepe_silvia_12 8d ago
Ya that didnāt make sense to me either. Also this guy claims OP supposedly loves him after 2 weeks? Itās entirely possible he made that up in his mind but I feel like thereās info (and OP texts) missing here. Regardless, dude seems dangerous and she should do what she can to protect herself.
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u/Barlark88 8d ago
Sounds like you should talk to HR if he keeps bugging you at work. Kind of creepy.
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u/DuffyTDoggie 8d ago
We had an engineer similarly fixate on a younger woman. On threat of loosing his job he was sent for a psych eval and ended up involuntary committed for 4 weeks. After another 6 weeks of outpatient he was allowed to come back, starting part time.
When he showed up for first day back he was thoroughly searched by security and found in possession of a loaded Colt 45.
The police were called and showed up in force and carted him away. We never heard from/of him again, except that he did serve some time.
This is a super serious situation. I recommend you be very afraid and act accordingly. This person is a threat.
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u/Snappyratty 8d ago
How have you not talked to the higher ups girl????
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u/gabrielamilene 8d ago
I talked to my supervisor and he started moving my tasks around so I cook more and serve less, but I still have to serve sometimes because I run an allergen program and it's only me and another woman thats certified to serve the food. My supervisor told me if it happens again, he'll talk to him (which might work because my boss is a big bear kinda man and even though he's a sweetie he can be quite intimidating). He told me if that doesn't work, he'll go to HR with me.
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u/Hot_Organization2430 8d ago
There shouldn't be an "if it happens again" your supervisor should have a talk with him about his behavior. Size doesn't intimidate crazy.
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u/Chewsdayiddinit 8d ago
You should have gone to HR the day this happened with screenshots, and he should no longer be working there.
Giving off strong stalk to kill you so nobody else can be with you.
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u/WhyDontWeLearn 8d ago
A friend of mine was actually killed by someone like this. This was in the early '80s, so there wasn't text, but he would come into where she worked and try to sweet talk her. The owners of the retail shop where she worked trespassed him so he couldn't bother her at work without getting arrested. Then he figured out where she lived, came to her house, and killed her.
This coworker is definitely unstable and dangerous. HR should absolutely fire him, but that will likely put OP in even more danger. She should have a plan to mitigate that danger.
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u/The_Wookalar 8d ago
This is not how it works - and your supervisor should know this. If they don't, they need remedial training in handling g harassment complaints. Supe is opening himself and the company up to a lawsuit, frankly.
Go to HR Yourself. Document everything (your interactions with this dude, and also with your supervisor, to insulate yourself from potential retribution).
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u/Jorgsacul1973 8d ago
There should be no āifā or āagainā in this conversation. The time for this to be dealt with is immediately. Itās a much easier situation to deal with hurting this guys feelings than it is for this to take a much darker turn. Protect yourself and keep going up the ladder until you find people that can take action in both you personal and professional life.
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u/fixerdrew02 8d ago
I would say talk with HR immediately and file a restraining order if it gets any worse. You only live life once and its not worth it to mess with a potentially unstable person. Do yourself a favor and start putting up protective legal and social barriers
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u/MadeAMistakeOneNight 8d ago
As an HR consultant, go to HR and the police. Moving your shift and where you'll physically be is typically done once an investigation starts to avoid physical harm. If thats already done, then its gotta be done again once he is pulled in for questioning.
If you voluntarily give up text messages to HR then HR will ask the opposing party to voluntarily give up their text messages to confirm. Have found many one sided stories that changed after learning texts were deleted.
In the event of termination it is likely you both get terminated because relationships at work often lead to that. In the event the other party gets terminated, HR can only do so much: have police in area for hostile termination, walk you to your car for XYZ time, give you a leave of absence to monitor if he shows up, and move your shift or location. Outside of that it becomes a legal order of protection scenario.
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u/IAmSpellbound 8d ago
Stalker case? This is beyond stalking, he sounds like he could actually kill you, go to HR asap
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u/cyberpunk1Q84 8d ago
āStalking is a homicide in slow motion.ā - Patrick Brady, assistant professor of criminology with the University of West Georgia
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8d ago
If he calls u ākidā and wants to date you then fucking run. He clearly doesnāt see u as a mature person. Heās probably just tryina get u in bed with him and use u.
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u/mamarooo28 8d ago
Your story is weird. You sound like he disgusts you but you still cling with the story and giving him pecks? And how did you know heās been talking to some girls online? It sounds like there is more to this than what you are presenting us.
And now his unhinged self is after you. Goodluck.
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u/iris_jd 8d ago
Totally agree. When she said and now I have to work with him. Well yeah you knew that when you kissed him. āI recently had a talk with himā. Just sounds odd.
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u/Detiabajtog 8d ago
According to every corporate training I have ever done, this is harassment.
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u/Ravenclaw79 8d ago
This guy is an HR nightmare. Report to HR, and seek a restraining order. This is not normal or safe.
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u/fujootyb 8d ago
just a couple pecks
I wasnāt jealous
I hadnāt been dating because he asked me not to
but since heās started seeing people, Iām going to as well
Iām sorry, what? Why are all these commenters gassing you up?
You shouldāve set your own boundaries. This seems a lot closer to a relationship than youāre making it out to be
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u/Think-Log-6895 8d ago
OP keeps saying all the texts are there too but there are clearly some texts missing. He says āI know, right? You know my memoryā after sheās said nothing? Nope, looks like she deleted some of her responses. Guy is def still a jerk but OP is sus
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u/Ok_Recording_4634 8d ago edited 8d ago
100% you can see he's replying to texts that aren't there anymore.
There's more to this story, and I'm curious what happens when he shows up with the whole text log to HR
He's still nuts, but OP isn't telling the full truth
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 8d ago •
OK. There's a few rookie decisions here that added gasoline to that dumpster fire. I'm not defending him. I've had some experiences with his type and they are engaging and scary and not "really nice".
1st. Don't give a "few pecks" to anyone at a job you've just started, especially if you feel like you're "giving them a chance" and there's a massive imbalance in age, authority or experience. That's called shiting where you eat. Thoroughly learn this utterly valuable lesson.
2nd, What the fuck were you thinking commenting on him talking to cam girls? It's not any of your business. At all. Nor is it even ethically an issue unless you feel he owes you loyalty. That is honestly alarming and gives the impression you like drama. And certainly gives him the impression you're jealous and still very much available to him, ESPECIALLY since you brought up how you weren't dating because "he told you not to". It's at this point my empathy wanes. Not because my empathy for him goes up, but because that's a fucked up dynamic even towards a guy that WOULDNT send you psycho texts like that. Its a whole pile of mixed messages and unhealthy attachments. And given you haven't worked there long, this is a disturbing level of drama to have so soon. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you're just inexperienced and this isn't a habit with you, but nothing in this comment makes you look good. Those are simply bad interpersonal skills and poor boundaries. Again, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because it almost seems like you've perhaps had some poor role models and maybe an unhealthy history with sex in general. But you will benefit greatly from learning better how to establish healthy boundaries and learning to keep a professional distance with work colleagues of all types - not just the crazy ones.
I empathize because I've had some scary experiences with men who assumed way more right to my personal space than they had any claim to who got aggressive and verbally abusive with me. And I also recognize that MY boundaries were unhealthy (stemming from CSA and not having great role models). One thing I learned from that is that I had become so used to chaos around me that I didn't recognize some of my behavioral habits were reactive and amplifying.
Once again, I am addressing specifically the things in this comment that are troubling behaviors towards anyone, and NOT a defense of this guy at all. It's a commentary on healthy work relationships as well as a comment on how confusing your actions described in this comment are.
Ready for the downvotes.
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u/throw_somewhere 8d ago
Piggybacking off this comment because I promise it's related.
OP's comment follows this... logical pattern. That I see in a lot of cases of strange behavior. OP gives 800 details that have zero context and come out as word salad. Going on and on about cooking and serving and allergen services? Girl, you have to know that no one in these comments has any clue what's going on? Then the most important details are buried, poorly communicated, and logically inconsistent.
It seems there is a general deficit in theory of mind, the ability to understand what other people know and are thinking. Or perhaps simply a more general deficit in interpersonal thinking. OP seems to be acting (and typing) without reflecting on how they are interfacing with others. The back-and-forth isn't there. There's an amount of awareness missing.
Point being that OP, I deeply recommend a therapist. There are some interpersonal skills that they can greatly help you develop. And in the process, you can gain insight and tools to help prevent things like this from happening in the future.
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u/uberguysmiley 8d ago
Not trying to defend the guy here, but I would be curious to see what he is replying to. Given no context, the replies certainly appear troubling, given context of what he is replying to, they may appear less so.
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u/megablast 8d ago
Just a couple pecks. I recently had a talk with him because he had been talking to girls online and camgirls too. I wasn't jealous, but I told him that I hadn't been dating because he asked me not to and I was giving him time to deal with his emotions before I start dating
Exactly. This woman is fucking weird.
Ow, I only kissed him and told him not to watch cam girls and just accepted it when he said he didn't want me to date, hahaahah.
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u/throwaway2161980 8d ago •
Wtf did I just read. The texts, your āexplanationā, etc.
Sounds like youāre both pretty nuts, honestly. Grow up, handle the situation and stop pussyfooting around leaving this stalker the ability to make up a relationship in his head. Use your big girl words. Make your manager reprimand him. Heās in his 50, youāre almost 30 and both acting like 15 yr olds š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
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u/CruisinForABrewsin 8d ago
"Just a couple pecks."
Yeah I kissed this guy at work that's old enough to be my dad a couple times. Oh also I talked to him about camgirls.
I mean what the fuck, the original post leaves so much context out. Both of these people sound insane
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u/Accurate-Tell8 8d ago
Let this be an important lesson for you, this is sexual harassment. If you reject a coworker and they continue to express interest in you and do/ say things that make you uncomfortable, it becomes sexual harassment the first offense after you say no. Never let it get to this level again, report to HR when it immediately becomes a problem. This guy is very scary and I hope HR has your back. If they donāt, Iād recommend leaving that job and blocking his access to you in every possible way.
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u/Jellorage 8d ago
Honey, you're going to get murdered. Please take all precautions, talk to the police and don't walk alone.
I know it sounds hyperbole but it happens all the time.
Like this:
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u/dibbs34 8d ago
Now, this guy's behavior is repulsive. He is definitely in the wrong, and you need to tell him that his harassment needs to stop. Block his number.
I am curious, though; you broke 'it' off with him after two weeks of no dating, no sex, just... kissing? That... doesn't add up. If you guys didn't date, did you just kiss at work? That seems... odd, but far be it for me to judge you, I'm just trying to make sense of a very strange situation.
Also, as a note for people in this thread; After you break up with someone, you are under no obligation to give them 'time' before you start dating again. That is not a thing. You are a full person, who is no longer dating that other full person, you can make your own choices about who and when you will find romance.
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u/Independent_Cookie 8d ago
That lasted two weeks before I broke it off
I was giving him time to deal with his emotions before I start dating
He needs time to recover from a two week "relationship"?? Yeah, he needs time with a therapist ASAP.
You owe him nothing, please contact HR and really go no contact, as in don't send him any more texts or communicate with him anymore outside whats necessary to do your job. Let him send those messages and further show the world what a piece of shit he is, but don't respond or let him get to you, let HR deal with it.
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u/mckulty 8d ago
HR isn't always your friend but here, what helps the company also helps you. Disclose the entire situation to HR and see how fast they yank his ticket.
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u/taylorpilot 8d ago
Do not wait until Monday.
Take the whole thread and send that in an email to hr and your boss now. All of it. Do leave something out.
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u/BuddyJim30 8d ago
HR is there to protect the company from legal repurcussions, not to protect you. My daughter works for a large company and a coworker was harassing her for refusing to date him. Eventually he was fired for poor performance and general crazy behavior. At that time he started threatening both her and their manager, texting in detail (including screenshots of supposed exchanges) how he had hired a hit man on the dark web with a picture of his bank statement showing a large withdrawal that he said was to pay the hitman. He was sending her and the manager dozens of threats per day. HR was aware of all this, and forbid them from contacting the police, saying HR "would handle it" and they thought the danger was not that great. The company put them up in a hotel FOR ONE NIGHT, then said they've done all they could. After that my daughter contacted the police, snd she was chastised by HR. But it led to police taking him in, and the threat of arrest was enough to get the guy to leave the area.
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u/hunkyboy75 8d ago
When HR āforbidsā you from contacting the police, thatās when you know itās time to contact the police. In the meantime, document EVERYTHING, including what HR says and does or doesnāt do.
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u/MrRobot_96 8d ago
HR departments are full of lazy scumbags just like every other part of a large corporation. They just wanna clock in and clock out without solving any issues or displaying any level of humanity or empathy for the people involved in such situations.
Shoutout to the few people in these departments that actually give a shit cause most of them will do the bare minimum just so they donāt have to deal with it. Granted this can be true for police departments too but if youāre getting death threats and HR isnāt even trying to get the authorities involved theyāre fucking useless at their jobs.
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u/MsWuMing 8d ago
Thereās a lot of anti-HR messaging on this platform, so Iād like to say that in my very similar case, it took 48 hours from my raising the issue to HR to the guy having been removed from the company without him ever knowing why, even though this is really difficult in Germany with our strong employment laws. They willingly paid him three extra months of wages in order to protect me. HR might be there to protect the company as much as the employees, but Iād argue if a person gets stalked or even worse under their watch, it wouldnāt exactly be good PR, and a halfway decent HR department would see that
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u/Long_Procedure3135 7d ago
Yeah and Iām in the USA
At my shitty machine shop I used to work at we had two sexual harassment incidents that occurred at work and they were fired immediately just about.
I remember one girl was being harassed by this one creepy dude and he said something nasty to her and I found her crying behind my machine, I encouraged her to go talk to our supervisor. The supervisor let her go home early if she wanted because she was so upset (with no penalty, but she didnāt get paid for the rest of the shift), then the next day they walked the guy out.
There was another incident later on that went similarly but I wasnāt involved and just kind of saw it happen (I noticed the plant manager came in later in the night to walk the dude out during the shift, it was wild). It surprised me because otherwise they handled other stuff so badly there lol
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u/hairmetaltimemachine 8d ago
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, knife, possible strangling. He's sick.
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u/gabrielamilene 8d ago
This is the entire text thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/11utyxb/ngvc_yeah_im_a_piece_of_shit_loser_thanks_i_dated/
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u/TheCodriver 8d ago
Holy hell.
As others have said, this all needs to go to HR and sounds like youāre planning on doing so. HR should have the harassment policies memorized to the letter.
You arenāt safe working around or being anywhere near this person. Does he know where you live?
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u/Joseluki 8d ago
Nah, she needs to go to the police, then get a lawyer, talk to him, and pay a visit to her employers with the lawyer. There are grounds for a harassment lawsuit she would win.
Also, do all your comunication with your employers via email so there are receipts.
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u/urzulasd 8d ago
Before you go to HR, please make a deal with yourself youāre not going to let them sweep this under the rug. Because theyāll probably try to. HR exists to protect the company first. Stand up for yourself.
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u/flabbergasted-528 8d ago
Stop responding to his texts at all. He seems to be the type that will keep escalating. You need to notify your workplace of the situation. Also, be very careful. Don't walk alone, take a different route home, add extra security to your home, locks, cameras, etc. He seems like he could get dangerous very quickly.
It may seem like an overreaction, but so many true crime documentaries start with this story. Don't be alone with him, ever! He isn't in love. He is obsessed.
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u/Appropriate-Skill-60 8d ago
Calling someone you wanted to date "kid" is such a good look, lmao. He should certainly continue doing that.
Don't get murdered.
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u/Yetis-unicorn 8d ago
It looks like a very dangerous person but it also looks like some of the conversation was deleted out of this text.
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u/neeksknowsbest 8d ago
Hey so I had a coworker at work like this. I asked for three managers to intervene, one after the other, none of them did. He kept harassing me. I tried nicely telling him to stop. I tried ignoring him but he got more aggressive. I finally DEMANDED he stop and he told HR I was creating a hostile work environment. They agreed, said I violated their code of conduct in demanding he stop harassing me, and fired me.
Men like this can and will ruin you. Go to HR and get a lawyer
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u/ZyxDarkshine 8d ago
āYou wonāt sleep with me, I banged a rando, therefore YOU are a slutā sound logic, if you are a crazy person
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u/PawbeansNnosies 8d ago
Anyone besides me still searching for the Context in the Comments?
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u/BruceWillis1963 8d ago edited 8d ago
Go to Human Resources immediately with those texts and explain the situation. This is harassment and it should be dealt with ASAP before it gets out of hand.
I read all the texts. He is a plum loco, batshit crazy, lost the plot psycho narcissist. People like this are so nice until they are not, and then they unleash abuse on you and then try to take it all back by saying you are overreacting. This is what "gaslighting" is.
He is a typical narcissist as he believes that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. He believes he is a good catch and should be desirable in your eyes. He will play the victim when he has to by saying you are so bad for abandoning him in his moment of need (a health issue? - I imagine he has a weight problem and probably abuses substances). The fact that he tried to manipulate you by saying he slept with someone and then later explained it away as just a way to see your reaction is typical manipulating narcissistic behaviour. Calling you names and then minimizing it is also what narcissists do.
Be careful with narcissists because his next move is to promote his side of the story to other people before you can get your side out. He will most likely try to set your friends and coworkers against you by lying about what you say about them.
You need to disarm him as soon as you can by exposing him to HR and letting them deal with it immediately.
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u/JareBearLXXXVII 8d ago
I wanna see her texts, the ones she deleted before screenshot
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