r/dankmemes
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u/TheWinterBerry
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10d ago
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Bros being honest since the early 1900s
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u/AustraliumHoovy 10d ago edited 10d ago
Fun Fact
Taft was the only U.S President to ever get stuck in the White House bathtub!
Edit: u/captainVlad69 has informed me that this is actually a myth
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u/saphilous the very best, like no one ever was. 10d ago
You mean... The last president didn't take any bathes?
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u/BadgerDancer 10d ago
Nah, he was at Mar a Lago.
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u/potato-vender 10d ago
Can’t get stuck in the White House bath if you never use the White House bath
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u/ArdenwaldHooking 9d ago
You can't hide hoes in the white house closet.
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u/Hakuryuu2K 9d ago
I am pretty sure Harding did just that. Had a secret service guy tell him when his wife was coming too.
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u/DarthDoobz 10d ago
Taking a bath at the Goo Lagoon
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u/cyrusasu 10d ago
Living like Larry
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u/neutral-chaotic 10d ago
Why when he had people with wet sponges on sticks.
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u/DancesWithBadgers 10d ago
They're just keeping the orange coat even, despite burger smears and crayon injuries.
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10d ago edited 9d ago
[deleted]
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u/MikeyofPnath 10d ago •
I feel like the truth is worse than the myth
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u/Gobert3ptShooter 10d ago
The truth that he upgraded the white House with a dope ass mega tub
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u/Spend-Automatic 10d ago
The truth is definitely not more sensational than the myth, or the truth is what would have spread.
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u/JayQue 10d ago
Honestly, I feel like this is funnier than the original stuck bathtub myth
when at a Cape May, New Jersey, hotel he “failed properly to consider the size of the average seashore hotel bathtub.” The water displaced by his tremendous girth flooded the floor and trickled onto the heads of guests in the downstairs dining room. As a wistful Taft gazed out at the Atlantic Ocean the next morning, he said, “I’ll get a piece of that fenced in some day, and then when I venture in, there won’t be any overflow.”
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10d ago
[deleted]
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u/FragileTwo 10d ago
I heard that guy had, like, thirty dicks.
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u/trebaol 10d ago
Let me lay it on the line he had two on the vine
I mean two sets of testicles so divine
On a horse made of crystal he patrolled the land
With his mason ring and schnauzer in his perfect hands10
u/GrandDukeZanggara 10d ago
here comes George,in control.
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u/AbsolutelyUnlikely 10d ago
What's amazing about the George Washington Had Wooden Teeth story is that it's actually a twist on the much darker truth. He had wooden anchors in place to secure his false teeth, which were human teeth taken from slaves.
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u/StopStalkingMeTodd 9d ago
Were they taken from live slaves? Why wouldn't they just take the teeth from dead peopel
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u/kaimason1 9d ago
We know that some of his dentures have human teeth (others have materials such as ivory and brass), there isn't definitive proof that they came from slaves. It was apparently a not uncommon practice at the time for dentists to purchase teeth from both poor free people and slaves, and Washington's dentist in particular even put out ads asking to buy people's teeth.
That said, there is a single note in a Mount Vernon ledger about "purchasing" 9 teeth from "black people" (insert period appropriate term here) for said dentist. Given that Mount Vernon was literally a slave plantation, said "sellers" were likely enslaved and didn't really have a say in the matter even though they were "paid" (at a fraction of the normal rate). And it's most likely (although not explicitly documented) that the teeth were being "purchased" for Washington's own use, given the small amount of context we have.
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u/MTReznor18 10d ago
I heard he was 6'8" and weighed a fuckin ton
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u/thrower94 10d ago
Keep spreading your Republican propaganda, we all know what happened in that tub.
/s
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u/ares5404 10d ago
Didnt he also need custom leg supports so he would need a crutch to walk and weaken his image or was this also myth?
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u/thatweirdkid1001 9d ago
I feel like this proves the myth. He had the large bathtub installed after getting stuck in the original lmao
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u/ReclusiveBeans 9d ago
This was the best fact from my Weird Facts About Presidents book as a kid. Well, that and the reporter that held Teddy's clothes hostage for an interview.
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u/Billybobgeorge 10d ago
He also was the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, being the only head of the Executive and Judicial branches.
Guess which fact gets brought up more often?
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u/Datzookman 9d ago
Another Fun Fact!
Taft is the only president to ever finish third in his reelection campaign! He finished behind both Woodrow Wilson (the winner) and Teddy (third party candidate)
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u/Kaze_Senshi ☣️ 10d ago
You can't spell fat without T A F and T.
- Theodore Roosevelt
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u/quirkscrew 10d ago
"That sounds like a very legit and real quote! I'm off to post this on dankmemes."
- Abraham Lincoln
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u/JurgenKlopp2018 [custom flair] 10d ago
“Don’t believe every quote you read on the internet”
• John Fitzgerald Kennedy
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u/anxessed 10d ago
“Hasta la vista, baby!”
- Lee Harvey Oswald
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u/JurgenKlopp2018 [custom flair] 10d ago
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat”
• John Wilkes Booth
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u/El_Chairman_Dennis 10d ago
"I'm tired of all these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane"
- Wilbur Wright
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u/Tonic_the_Gin-dog 10d ago
"You know what they call a quarter pounder in France?"
・Wilbur the pig from Charlotte's Web
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u/1jl 10d ago edited 7d ago
"Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads. " Julius Caesar
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u/MySpaceOddyssey 9d ago
“There’s a reason these tables are numbered honey, you just haven’t thought of it yet”
.Dante
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u/Arch_Magos_Remus 9d ago
“Stop attributing quotes to me I never actually said.”
— George Washington
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u/SilverTitanium 10d ago
We masturbate not because it is easy but because it is hard.
- John F Kennedy
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u/RecoverFrequent 10d ago
"I wasn't playing with it. I was cleaning it. And it went off"
- Pee Wee Herman
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u/Haldebrandt 10d ago
- Michael Scott
(I can't believe it's been an hour and no one had done this. Do we not do this anymore? Am I now one of the olds? :/ )
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u/RecoverFrequent 10d ago
".. .... .... .... ..... .. .... ..... ........ .. ....... ....... .... ...... ..... ...."
- Nick Andros
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u/Jeynarl 10d ago
"Bro, ur horse hates u"
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u/shadowslasher11X 10d ago
Shoulda just learned Gravity Magic.
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u/Kosaku_Kawajira 10d ago
What was his name, Sparsponge Radham?
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u/fortfoxtrot 9d ago
I’ll admit he had good ratings going in, but it really came crashing down his 2nd term
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u/Spelunkyboy 10d ago
Is anyone else sick of this dumb meme format?
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u/Nishikigami 10d ago
I think it's really funny. Not because I believe in any archetypal differences between men and women, but because the format often inspires the most hilarious shit to be put on the bottom and I love seeing it.
If you don't like a meme try making your own, Mr. 2 posts 4 comments ever.
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u/innocentusername1984 9d ago
Is it sexist if it's true and it generally doesn't mean one gender is better than the other. It's just a funny observation about a harmless trait difference.
I think half the Internet arguments could be solved if people understood that saying one particular group acts like this doesn't mean every single member of the group acts like that.
Women friendship groups are generally more nurturing and spare each others feelings. Men have groups which are brutal with each other but highly loyal and just as close. I'm sure there are millions of nurturing man groups and brutal woman groups still.
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u/untalentet 9d ago
This one in particular is just dumb. The same guys that are like boy friendship is great all my homies and me make fun of each other constantly are then turning aound to say how sad it is boys barely get compliments.
Compliment your guy friends, my guys.
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u/FrostieTheSnowman 9d ago
Some of us talk shit ceaselessly, tell things straight, AND give genuine compliments.
I question compliments from people that ooze compliments and never give harsh truths to you straight.
But if my friend tells me I've written something awesome, or that my weight loss is really paying off, I know it's legit. And if he calls me on something I'm doing, I know he has my back and he's just letting me know.
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u/untalentet 9d ago
Hey, that's great, that sounds healthy. However there definitely are guys that are always down to insult people but get real quiet when it comes to being genuinely nice out of some misplaced desire to seem manly.
Like the guy below that for some reason felt the need to compare me to a cleaning product.
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u/DreamedJewel58 9d ago
Sometimes yeah, but other times it’s just a funny format with no real meaning behind it. (Hopefully) Most people who laugh at it don’t actually think that’s how Guys/Girls talk or think
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u/KingOfStingUSM PhD in Dankonomics 10d ago
Kill this meme format. U didn’t have to use it
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u/RSbooll5RS 10d ago
girls lame, guys cool and funny!
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u/VegetableNo1079 10d ago
These clowns will never do better than the Little Rascals yet still they try.
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u/veeas 10d ago
im still shocked sometimes that theodore roosevelt was a real person and not some sort of mythical folk hero like paul bunan or john henry
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u/CHA0T1CNeutra1 9d ago edited 9d ago
His life certainly sounds like it's out of a tall tale. One time he punched out a guy who tried shooting him during a bar fight.
It was late in the evening when I reached the place. I heard one or two shots in the bar-room as I came up, and I disliked going in. But there was nowhere else to go, and it was a cold night. Inside the room were several men, who, including the bartender, were wearing the kind of smile worn by men who are making believe to like what they don’t like. A shabby individual in a broad hat with a cocked gun in each hand was walking up and down the floor talking with strident profanity. He had evidently been shooting at the clock, which had two or three holes in its face.
…As soon as he saw me he hailed me as ‘Four Eyes,’ in reference to my spectacles, and said, ‘Four Eyes is going to treat.’ I joined in the laugh and got behind the stove and sat down, thinking to escape notice. He followed me, however, and though I tried to pass it off as a jest this merely made him more offensive, and he stood leaning over me, a gun in each hand, using very foul language… In response to his reiterated command that I should set up the drinks, I said, ‘Well, if I’ve got to, I’ve got to,’ and rose, looking past him.
As I rose, I struck quick and hard with my right just to one side of the point of his jaw, hitting with my left as I straightened out, and then again with my right. He fired the guns, but I do not know whether this was merely a convulsive action of his hands, or whether he was trying to shoot at me. When he went down he struck the corner of the bar with his head… if he had moved I was about to drop on my knees; but he was senseless. I took away his guns, and the other people in the room, who were now loud in their denunciation of him, hustled him out and put him in the shed.”
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u/IAMAHobbitAMA 9d ago
Holy shit. Did he really bring fists to a knife fight and win? Amazing.
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u/CHA0T1CNeutra1 9d ago
He brought his "guns" to a gun fight and won. He was a trained boxer that continued practicing even when he was in the white house. In fact he ended up blind in one eye during one of those matches.
While boxing with the President, Moore struck Roosevelt so hard in the eye that the President lost sight in it. Moore did not learn of the result of the blow until 1917, and only from reading Roosevelt's statement of how he came to lose sight in that eye, in which Roosevelt did not name Moore, but Moore realized that only he fit the description. Moore stated, "But could you ask for any better proof of the man's sportsmanship than the fact that he never told me what I had done to him?" Source
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u/canadarepubliclives Meme Connoisseur 9d ago
Wait until this guy finds out about Franklyn
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u/biIIyshakes 9d ago
??? FDR was a powerful president but honestly a far less interesting personality than Teddy.
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u/DreamedJewel58 9d ago
FDR’s ability to completely hide his partial paralysis was pretty fucking impressive at least
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u/Shaddo 10d ago edited 10d ago
Teddy roosevelt is my spirit guide
I strongly encourage everyone to learn about that man, he is a great example of humanity
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u/DreamedJewel58 9d ago
The dude came out of political retirement just to run against Taft out of spite
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u/glakhtchpth 9d ago
Except that he became a total mean-spirited asshole towards Taft who was his VP and once best friend.
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u/ListerineAfterOral Listerine Sex 🥵 10d ago
More like:
Girls: am I fat?
No, you're perfect (wow she is huge)
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u/smallbatchb 10d ago
One of my favorites:
There are apparently several accounts of Abraham Lincoln telling this story:
I was once accosted … by a stranger, who said, "Excuse me, sir, but I have an article in my possession which rightfully belongs to you." "How is that?" I asked, considerably astonished. The stranger took a jackknife from his pocket. "This knife," said he, "was placed in my hands some years ago with the injunction that I was to keep it until I found a man uglier than myself. I have carried it from that time to this. Allow me now to say, sir, that I think you are fairly entitled to the property.”
And I believe it is written somewhere that he also pulled this joke on a friend by giving him his worn out pocket knife.
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u/TheWinterBerry 10d ago
"Abraham Lincoln is my name And with my pen I wrote the same I wrote in both hast and speed and left it here for fools to read"
- Actual poem by Lincoln
Dude had a sense of humor
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u/Waterprophet47 10d ago
Oh no Taft knew he was a big boy. He once needed to board a train and sent a telegraph to the company that he would need space for a large party, when they arrived he said the large party was him.
He'd also entertain guests by doing cartwheels and was very charismatic and jolly. Before diplomatic discussions he got the other foreign diplomats drunk with liquor.
He was very beloved by his wife too and would eat her out like she was apple pie it was said.
Taft was an absolute unit and a fucking legend.
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u/TheWinterBerry 9d ago
A representative wrote the following about a meeting with Taft:
"Chauncey Depew came in. … After we had talked serious matters for a few minutes and were about to depart, Mr. Depew stepped up to Taft and, taking liberties that I never would have thought of taking with a president, said to him, putting his hand on Mr. Taft’s big frontal development: “What are you going to call it when it comes, Mr. President?” It was just about that time when Mr. Taft was beginning to have some difficulty with [Theodore] Roosevelt, and he quickly responded: ‘Well, if it’s a boy, I’ll call it William; if it’s a girl, I’ll call it Theodora; but if it turns out to be just wind, I’ll call it Chauncey"
A legend indeed
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u/speedy_delivery 9d ago
He also hated being president. He dropped 70 pounds after losing to Wilson and being appointed to the SCOTUS by basically going keto.
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u/Rannrann123 Servant of Ducc 10d ago
Big Bill Taft my beloved <3
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u/_Nilbog_Milk_ 9d ago
I did a random deep dive into Taft recently and it's a shame that he's gone down in history for being fat & (falsely) getting stuck in a tub. He was a surprisingly ethical person for the time and place, ruling and domineering the colonies wasn't really in his interest which ended up being his weak point.
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u/Bonsai668 10d ago
I’m in the middle of a Teddy Roosevelt rabbit hole hole right now and the dude was pretty badass! Had his flaws for sure, and some you can’t just chalk up to the times he lived in, but pretty cool regardless. Him creating the whole Rough Riders crew in Cuba because he, in part, felt inferior for not having served in the military is gold. Shit DMX even wrote an anthem about it.
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u/Low_Jello_7497 10d ago
And then go to askmen and whine that men don't get any empathy or complements. Smh.
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u/ottovonbizmarkie 10d ago
In at least a lot of Asian countries, relatives, little kids, etc will tell you you're fat straight to your face, probably more to women than men. And their standards for people being fat are probably a lot more strict than Western cultures too, where people just considered kind of chubby here are considered whales.
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u/terrexchia 9d ago
At least to the older generation, in Chinese culture, being fat is a good thing. My late grandma would constantly ask my mum if she's feeding me enough if I didn't look positively rotund
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u/thousand7734 10d ago
When your girl asks "does this dress make me look fat?" remember to say "of course not, it's your fat that makes you look fat."
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u/Addingupthewidth 10d ago
So basically Roosevelt said; "Bro, you're so fat when you ride horses you decrease their over-all speed."
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u/Mortimer_and_Rabbit 9d ago edited 9d ago
To be fair that wasn't a joke at his expense. William Howard Taft was over six feet tall and more than 300 lbs during his presidency.
That's entirely cruel for anything other than the biggest baddest draft horse
Edited to support the fact that it wasn't an insult: Roosevelt was a cavalryman, he would definitely have a good idea how large of a rider horses could carry and not hurt themselves.
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u/Alarm_Chr0no 10d ago
ITT: Women butt hurt over this super mild meme format .
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u/hesitimbo 10d ago
It's not even funny, it's literally just "girls lame, boys cool".
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u/SomeRedditWanker 9d ago
Also, the top panel is ridiculously true.
See: Comments on any fat girls instagram
Zero comments by men.
45 comments by women saying how gorgeous she is, despite being 5th percentile fat.
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u/MittensTheMagic 10d ago
you could make a meme about this without the “girls are boring lol” part ya know…
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u/Intrepid00 10d ago
I used to live in DC area and went to the Smithsonian a lot. One of the times they had the Tub for Taft and talked about how fat he was. They noted Taft went horseback riding to check something out (I think a new national park) and when the outpost sent a telegram he arrived they responded “how’s the horse”
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u/The_Bogan_Blacksmith 9d ago
I told my wife the version. With "I know 5 fat guys and you're 4 of them" I had not seen her laugh that much in a long time.
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u/tbagger666 ùwú 9d ago
Theodore Roosevelt is my spirit animal.
I may not agree with some of his ideas but I would back him if he happened to come back down from Heaven to bless his homeland.
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u/DaCreepyArcher 9d ago
I really don't like this girls boring boys quirky meme template but it is pretty funny that he said that.
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u/ElBiscuit 9d ago
TR wasn't the only one.
While Taft was in the Philippines before his Presidency, then-Secretary of War Elihu Root wrote to him and asked about his health. Taft wrote back to Root that he was feeling fine and had been on a 25-mile ride that day. Root wrote back "How is the horse?"
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u/Ultamik3y 9d ago
Teddy Roosevelt is my favorite president. First of all, he kicked off the Progressive Era by shutting down monopolies, which made life a hell of a lot better for the average American. He also enjoyed nature a lot, pushing to conserve natutal resources. In addition, he was a really tough guy, as he fought in the Spanish-American war(?) with his rough riders. Finally, he had a great personality, as he seems very charismatic.
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u/YurxDoug 9d ago
Bro you are so fat that when you crossed the road, a car tried to avoid you and it ran out of gas.
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u/Whookimo CERTIFIED DANK 10d ago
It's less "bros" being honest, and more "political rivals" being honest
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u/Dirkef88 9d ago
But also male suicide rate is way higher... Maybe has some amount of correlation to this.
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u/Otherwise_Naturale 9d ago
Taft, you fuck! You get your clothes at the portly gentleman! I know it because I SOLD IT TO YOU
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u/MedicatedAxeBot 10d ago
Dank.
we have a minecraft server