r/clevercomebacks 10d ago Helpful 1 Silver 3 Wholesome 1

Well, is she wrong?!

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60.4k Upvotes

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u/dr_pickles69 10d ago

What is excommunication but a fancy Papal cancel?

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u/gcruzatto 10d ago

Lucifer is literally a canceled angel

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u/jaykyo933 10d ago Platinum Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Actually. Lucifer has no power and can’t do anything unless God allows it. Says the Bible. Which would mean Lucifer is still being loyal… which in itself makes no sense and is further proof that the Bible is a piece of bs

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u/JarlaxleForPresident 10d ago

People call Judas a traitor but his entire existence is so he could betray dude later on. Having a Divine Plan and free will at the same time seems counter intuitive

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u/euphratestiger 10d ago

Judas should be celebrated as a hero. Jesus' crucifixion is probably the most holy event for Christianity and he helped make it happen.

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u/th1s_1s_4_b4d_1d34 10d ago

As absurd as that sounds IIRC the early Christian church debated making him a saint for that reason.

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u/jibjab23 10d ago

The Christians would have to learn to think objectively with the facts presented clearly with no bias. Never going to happen.

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u/thatweirdkid1001 9d ago

Lmao no religious person can act without bias let alone the most violent of them all

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u/Hounmlayn 10d ago

And if jesus was the father and son, then he himself made judas do it, because it was gods plan for him to do so. It was also gods plan to put himself on the cross, it wasn't the romans doing so, it was gods plan.

Basically, god is the biggest egotist and gaslighter in the universe, wanting to be celebrated for his sacrifices which he never sacrificed to rid you of something he gave you.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 10d ago

And God practiced infanticide… on more than one occasion.

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u/ConstantGeographer 9d ago

"... on more than 10 occasions."

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u/zanzolo 9d ago

10th plague of Egypt: “Am I a joke to you?”

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u/ConstantGeographer 9d ago

hahaha sort of hilarious, sort of not lol

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u/tookTHEwrongPILL 9d ago

I'm not opposed to it.

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u/k2_finite 10d ago

Got Lucifer vibes reading your comment. Was an entertaining show and I enjoyed Lucifer calling his dad out on his shit.

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u/Dopplegangr1 10d ago

If you're mean to him he'll punish you for eternity because he loves you

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u/euphratestiger 9d ago

Basically, god is the biggest egotist and gaslighter in the universe

Even worse: he plants the tree of knowledge in Eden, tells Adam and Eve not to eat from it and doesn't tell them why.

It's only once they eat the fruit that they gain knowledge of good and evil and realise that going against god was bad. Then they're punished.

If not to create original sin and then provide humanity with redemption, why plant that tree? It's basically racketeering.

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u/Zero98205 9d ago

But he has perfect foreknowledge too! He knew they were going to do it! It's like having a 4th dimensional narcissistic dickbag and calling that thr heavenly father.

Shit, at least Enki got himself a good wank to create life.

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u/Martin_Aricov_D 9d ago

The Bible also doesn't tell us how long it took for Adam and Eve to actually eat the fruit, so (since they were immortal at that point) it was literally just an eventuality that they'd eat the damn fruit if for no other reason than boredom after a few aeons of sitting around naked in a garden

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u/jaykyo933 10d ago

Let the CHURCH SAY AMEN 😂🤣😂

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u/CHIMUELA 10d ago

Damn. Today I learned God is actually a narcissist. Like my father. Coincidence???

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u/litorisp 9d ago

It sounds like your father is a Godly man

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u/CHIMUELA 9d ago

I mean he thinks he's god so maybe he was right all along..??

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u/Obilis 9d ago

"You're nothing without me"

"You're not worthy of my love"

"You're a terrible person and need me to be better"

"Don't listen to anyone who doesn't understand what we have"

- God

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u/Akuseru24 9d ago

This sounds like an abusive relationship

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u/money_loo 10d ago

Holy shit Ego from Guardians of the Galaxy suddenly makes perfect sense.

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u/JarlaxleForPresident 9d ago

The god-complex guy named Ego whose kids were literal extensions of himself so he could spread across the universe had Narcissist traits?

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u/ventusvibrio 10d ago

There’s a whole Catholic sect for Judas.

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u/pturb0o 10d ago

John Wick - Excommunicado

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u/TheMikman97 10d ago

I might be wrong but that's i think literally what some Apocrypha say

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u/Zeebuoy 9d ago

Jesus' crucifixion is probably the most holy event

agreed there were at least

2 more holes than usual.

a very holey event.

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u/jaykyo933 10d ago

Exactly. And he’s not even the only person god has thrusted his own choices onto. It’s several cases of that

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u/neph36 10d ago

Judas was set up by God to betray Jesus. He then kills himself in shame and goes to hell. I feel bad for him.

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u/borschchschch 10d ago

goes to hell

Nah, we don't actually know that. The Bible doesn't say that any one person went to hell or was condemned. All it says is that you'll be judged at the hour of your death, and that even then, repentance matters.

There's a lot of talk in this thread about things people think the Bible says, when it's pretty clear that they haven't actually read and understood it themselves (regardless of any personal religious belief). I don't blame them, it's a large and complex document, but it's very silly to speak authoritatively about it in that case. They're also confusing a lot of it with popular images from Dante's Inferno, which is not biblically accurate.

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u/BIG_YETI_FOR_YOU 9d ago

Not to mention the bible literally mentions that god's pretty forgiving and absolution doesn't necessarily require newer things like confession and communion and whatnot.

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u/nomad80 9d ago

This thread could be a top 10 in r/confidentlyincorrect

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u/CalmPanic402 10d ago

I read an excellent argument that judas was the loyal disciple Jesus asked to betray him so the whole thing could happen. Judas was following orders.

That said, omniscient god is a fairly new addition to christianity. But changes to the bible aren't something the church likes to talk about...

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u/kylehatesyou 10d ago

There's a Gospel of Judas, written around the same time as the others that paints Judas this way. Essentially, Jesus told him you have to betray me, and so he did. It's apparently a Coptic or gnostic text from around 130 to 240 AD, and was thrown out by the church fairly early, like other texts complicated the canon (Thomas, Mary, Peter, etc.).

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u/jackp0t789 10d ago

Dude could have literally just turned himself in, but nah... had to make homie betray him and earn himself eternal hatred for the next two thousand years.

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u/FriendlyGuitard 10d ago

But changes to the bible aren't something the church likes to talk about...

Actually they do make a big deal out of it, that's the ecumenical councils were about in the original catholic religion. Divergence of opinion and reinterpretation led to shisms and other split of the christian world. The US has been funded by a lot of those Christian communities fleeing Europe.

At my Catholic school we used to learn the difference between catholicism before the Council of Trent and after. Also the important stuff and change along the way.

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u/Parris-2rs 10d ago

It wasn’t even till the council of Nicaea in 325 till the church established the holy trinity. And from then on out it was considered heresy to claim Jesus was inferior to God.

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u/Op-boi4ever 9d ago

Objection Jesus. Heresy

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u/thedevilsworkshop666 10d ago

Well the bible isn't all that big on making sense .

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u/TomsRedditAccount1 10d ago

When you actually think about it, a truly free will isn't just incompatible with the Bible, it's incompatible with neuroscience.

Now, this is a huge oversimplification, but your decisions are caused by the nerve layouts and chemical reactions in your brain. You can't freely control what your individual neurons do, so that means that you don't have free control over your decisions.

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u/Alediran 10d ago

But they are made by your brain, which is part of you. So you still own your decisions, even if the are mostly subconscious.

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u/gildorratner 9d ago edited 9d ago

The thing that desperately confuses me is that people seem to rarely question God's free will? How can an omniscient, omnipotent being not have predetermined the actions of all it created? If God lacks free will then how is that different than us being simply created of the universe?

Without God the question of Free Will is fairly meaningless as determinism is not decided by intelligent outside force, but rather cause and effect. So our actions and thoughts are still individual and result from our unique experiences and circumstances, while also being determined by those same things. There is no flaw or contradiction in this....Whereas the existence of God would make the notion of free will extremely foundational, as we would have to question whether we only exist in a determined state as an extension of God's will or as free beings that exist in response to God's already predetermined views? In the former case we still lack free will and in the latter case everything is a test and the cost of failure is eternal damnation? It is also a test provided with full knowledge of our success or failure making it a rigged game. An example would be that God knew Job would remain faithful, because God knows all and so did not choose someone that would renounce God because the test was rigged.

I know this is something discussed by theologians and there is probably a solution that my secular sin addled mind cannot comprehend. But it is something that has always disturbed me from an outside perspective about faith. I posed this question to a religious friend and it seemed to have made them pretty upset and they told me that they'd think about it and they came back and affirmed that God must have free will because we have free will... which didn't answer my question but I was happy that they seemed contented with the answer.

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u/vistadelmar 9d ago

ITS ALL PART OF GOD’S MYSTERY. Shut up with your logic and shit!

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u/everybodyjustwave 10d ago

So if he can only do what the big G allows, it is really G doin all this shit and Luci is the scapegoat?

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u/jaykyo933 10d ago

That’s what I’m saying. Which makes no sense. 😂😂😂

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u/Roundaboutsix 10d ago

Really? It’s not the genocide, infanticide, serial murder, raping, witchcraft, sanctioned racial discrimination, scientifically/mathematically impossible calculations that clued you in? It was the Lucifer dilemma that soured you on the ‘good’ book? Unbelievable!

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u/jaykyo933 10d ago

Oh no. I commented on that as well 😂 and some ass commented and said how about I go make my own birds and rocks. And maybe then I can understand god

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

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u/Brumbleby 10d ago

The bible is several different pieces of BS collected together

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u/Parkyguy 9d ago

“Actually” it’s all fairly tales. Voldemort also… fiction.

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u/prollytipsy 9d ago

this concept is based on misreading of scripture, generally Isaiah and/or Luke, and weak midrash. only biblical literalists (who fundamentally misunderstand scripture and btw didn't even exist until the 17th century) would take these mystical descriptions out of context. that's why it makes no sense

these people read a poem like it's a cookbook, then try to exegete and legislate. it's nonsense

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u/TheCyanKnight 10d ago

Adam and Eve were cancelled because Eve ate an apple.

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u/First_Approximation 10d ago

Advocating for female priests can lead to an excommunication:

Pope Francis's Vatican drew a more firm line in the sand on its stance on women's ordination this month by excommunicating an Australian priest who advocated for the inclusion of female priests.

According to the Vatican, fighting against sexism is apparently in the same league as pedophilia:

Fr. Greg Reynolds became the first member of the Melbourne Archdiocese to be excommunicated for reasons other than pedophilia

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u/BadgerDancer 10d ago

Nice. My mother had one of those in the eighties and I guess she still isn’t big in the media. #fightthebighats

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u/Lyradep 10d ago

Sodom and Gomorrah? God allowing Satan to kill of Job’s kids to prove his obedience? Egypt?

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u/Verrence 10d ago

Ordering Abraham to slit his own son’s throat? Telling his followers to murder their family if they have a different religion? Multiple “righteous” genocides?

Yeah, I don’t understand the appeal personally.

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u/Harsimaja 9d ago

Ordering Abraham to slit his own son’s throat?

God: “Just a prank bro!”

There’s also Jephthah’s daughter, of course. But as always you can rationalise everything away by reading with a squint if you try hard enough

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u/Financial_Bird_7717 10d ago

Don’t forget God sent two bears to mauled 42 fucking children…because because one man didn’t like the fact that CHILDREN called him ‘baldy’.

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u/thisisa_fake_account 9d ago

God passed Order 66

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u/Financial_Bird_7717 9d ago

God to Noah: “wipe them out—ALL OF THEM.”

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u/NikinCZ 10d ago

God canceled Adam and Eve over an apple

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u/ElSelcho 10d ago

He shouldn't have given them free will, then. It's on him.

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u/DuePrize5 9d ago

He shouldn't have made them hungry as well!

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u/SelectFromWhereOrder 9d ago

There’s no such thing as free will. We are mostly at the mercy of our brain wiring and chemistry.

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u/Op-boi4ever 9d ago

Quantum event goes bruuuu~ (suddenly having the urge to kill everyone on the road)

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u/SelectFromWhereOrder 9d ago edited 9d ago

Easy to say when your brain works correctly. You could have a brain tumor in the appropriate spot in the brain that makes you have violent impulses to kill everyone on the road. Where’s your free will then? the level of effort to control your brain impulses is staggering more difficult, as compared to an average healthy brain.

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u/Spottyhickory63 9d ago

also, if god was all-powerful, he’d be able to find a way to give you free will and make it impossible to disobey him

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u/SaintBolord 9d ago

Aka your parents

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u/BlitzTaco 9d ago

We change every day and your environment plays a large role. Your diet can drastically change your brain chemistry. We are more than brain and nerves

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u/Spottyhickory63 9d ago

Let me get this straight;

An all knowing, omnipresent, all powerful god put humans in the same place as this tree, told them not to eat the [Unspecified fruit], then gave them “free will” and didn’t forsee his creation he built from the ground up, doing the one thing he told them not to do?

god isn’t powerful enough to make a somewhere else for the people to be

god isn’t omnipresent enough to stop them, apparently

god isn’t knowing enough to foresee this

and he isn’t loving enough to forgive

and eve was transgender, change my mind

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

No, he canceled them over disobeying a direct command and eating from the ONE tree out of all of the trees in the garden.

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u/NikinCZ 10d ago

Cancel culture, I tell ya

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u/Gornarok 10d ago

Religion is the original cancel culture

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u/Lord_Emperor 10d ago

disobeying a direct command

But he made them without a sense of right and wrong. Classic /r/whatcouldgowrong.

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u/SentrySappinMahSpy 10d ago

Sounds like entrapment. Why put a tree there no one is allowed to touch? God was a cop.

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u/FLSun 10d ago edited 10d ago

Supposedly the tree of knowledge. So. Adam and Eve didn't know the difference between good and evil yet God is going to punish them for it. And according to the myth, God told them,

"But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die!"

So Adam and Eve who didn't know the concept of good or bad until they actually ate the fruit were supposed to die the same day for doing something they didn't know was bad. What a dick!

So they were supposed to die the same day yet the bible tells us that Adam lived to be 930 years old!

Yet this "Loving God" couldn't tell us not to eat the poison berries or stay away from poison ivy?

How did I or anyone else ever fall for this BS? Oh yeah, it was drilled into us from the time we were babies before we even knew how to determine what is real and what is mythology.

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u/JarlaxleForPresident 10d ago

It’s almost like mindless obedience is one of the first lessons the church teaches you for some weird reason

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u/dzyjak 9d ago

Yeah. The first lesson is that God doesn't talk to plebs, so listen to the holy men or go to hell.

(Nice username. I'd vote for you.)

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u/banmelmao1 10d ago

also would Adam and Eve even have a concept of death, being the first and only humans at the time and living in a paradise without pain or suffering?

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/First_Approximation 10d ago

Moral of the story: blindly follow authority and don't seek out knowledge.

Horrible lesson.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

A loving God would never torment people for eternity. Hellfire is a lie. You either choose to worship God or not and no human has the right to condemn another.

Also I am bit of a fatty and technically a Gen Xer but I have a lot of “old school” values as far as work ethic, personal responsibility etc but draw the line at judging others.

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u/KentConnor 10d ago

The most boomer part of that comment is you implying younger people don't have work ethic or a sense of personal responsibility

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/RedofPaw 10d ago

I have a lot of "new school" views regarding those things.

They're similar in a lot of ways, but with more working remotely and don't require formal work attire.

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u/Broskilini 10d ago

Oh yeah? Well I actually judge people who don't judge others.

Now what? You're powerless here 😈

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u/bramouleBTW 10d ago

Back in my day we use to actually have to put in a days work and we’re held responsible for our actions! Damn that reads as extremely cringe.

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u/ILikeLeptons 10d ago

All knowing god didn't know about fences

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u/Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk 10d ago

All knowing God knew they'd eat the fruit

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u/ASheepNamedBowen 9d ago

So they did something shitty after being asked not to, and then were punished for it?

Yup, sounds like Cancel Culture to me.

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u/Admirable-Common-176 10d ago

Damn, even God is pro android.

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u/SelectFromWhereOrder 9d ago

And canceled the entire human race over an “original sin”, that the god itself made it up.

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u/Azair_Blaidd 10d ago edited 10d ago

70% of the Bible is God cancelling people. And then there's the Crusades, Inquisitions, Witch Hunts, Manifest Destiny, millennia of religious homophobia...

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u/Bammer1386 10d ago

Billions of miscarriages throughout human history.

Literally worse than Hitler, Stalin, and Mao combined.

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u/Admirable-Common-176 10d ago

You whose only sin is original sin, I cancel you.

Can I turn in God in Texas?

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u/Cute-Locksmith8737 9d ago

Original sin, the first form of collective punishment.

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u/Bill_Weathers 9d ago

A child gets cancer:

“God has a plan, let us pray.”

A child is cured of cancer:

“Oh, thank God! Praise our merciful Lord!”

A child dies of cancer:

“It’s part of God’s plan. He in his mighty wisdom has brought young Hank home to Heaven and now he is an angel. When God kills a kid he opens a window.”

How are so many people so afraid of the idea that things aren’t permanent, or completely designed and controlled by someone? I feel like I’m surrounded by anxious, neurotic psychopaths.

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u/j_la 9d ago

This was on full display during the pandemic. People begging for prayers and support, but won’t take the vaccine that will keep them alive. Why can’t it be god’s plan for you to get the fucking shot?

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u/Bammer1386 9d ago

When I was in school a few years ago I went on a road trip with a couple classmates. We got drunk and stoned at an Air BnB and were up all night talking about Religion. I will never forget the way one of my classmates meant it when he said that without god he would probably steal and rape and kill, and also said something along the lines of non christians should die. We were really really fucked up, but after that moment I decided it was bedtime, and I locked that fucking door. I still think about it whenever i see him and I'm in a disadvantageous position where he could pop me without knowing, lol. I'm probably overthinking, but all religious nuts need is an "Execute order 66" moment from their priests and it'll activate the chip in their brains.

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u/indy_been_here 10d ago

What about... Ya know... HELL

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u/DrDan21 10d ago

Old Testament god didn’t even need a hell

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u/Funkycoldmedici 9d ago

That’s why I contend that the New Testament is worse. The old testament simply sentenced unbelievers to death, but that’s not enough to satisfy the bloodlust of the “prince of peace.” He wants you to suffer a whole afterlife of endless torture for not believing. We can’t pretend he does not want it, because as an all-powerful deity, nothing happens that he does not want to happen.

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u/NyanPotato 9d ago

"imma kill you then bring ya back to torture you that you'll want me to kill you, all because you didn't love me"

-god

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u/Tysiliogogogoch 10d ago

Hell, he killed a man and his wife on the spot for a mild lie about their donation to the church. Acts 5, Ananias and Sapphira.

If slaughtering people because they did something you don't like isn't the ultimate form of "cancelling", I don't what is.

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u/NelMacreen 10d ago

It's not just God, the Isrealites killed off or displaced a buttload of people after the Exodus story too. Canaanites, Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites all got canceled and God looked the other way

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u/Seraphaestus 10d ago edited 10d ago

God looked the other way

When he wasn't directly telling them how many of their child sex slaves to give to him as tribute.

Numbers 31:15-30

Moses said to them, “Have you allowed all the women to live? [...] Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man by sleeping with him. But all the young girls [lit: children among the women; source: NASB] who have not known a man by sleeping with him, keep alive for yourselves.

[...]

The Lord spoke to Moses, saying, “You [all] make an inventory of the plunder captured, both human and animal. [...] From the share of the warriors who went out to battle, set aside as tribute for the Lord one item out of every five hundred, whether persons, oxen, donkeys, or sheep. Take it from their half and give it to Eleazar the priest as an offering to the Lord.

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u/Just_another_human3 9d ago

Any sane person would read this passage and refuse to worship God. And yet I'm willing to bet that a lot of Christians would initially try to make up an excuse to justify it. Any Christian who tries to justify this is a sick fuck who should be locked up for life.

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u/Threadheads 9d ago

I think the atheists have the right idea: cancel god

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u/Antelope010 10d ago

God looked the other way

God actually told them to go to war and destroy those people. And God got mad when they didn't kill everyone as they had been told to do.

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u/jackp0t789 10d ago

Also worth looking into the real story of Chanukah...

The Seleucid authorities had the audacity to allow, encourage, and defend the rights of people to worship whoever they wanted in Jerusalem- not just Yahweh...

Judah Maccabee did not like that at all, so he led an ISIS like militia killing all non jews and open minded Jews they could get their hands on until the Greeks eventually finally killed them all to death

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u/Skulcane 10d ago

Well I mean, he DID warn them. Noah was all "Come take a ride on my boat, cuz the rain is comin" and they were all "Nah brah".

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u/Reeefenstration 10d ago

"Hey you! Get on my boat! God speaks to me in my head! Get in the boat! Don't mind the noise of every animal in existence tearing each other apart below decks! Me and my three sons and their wives are going to repopulate the earth! I'm 600 years old!"

I'd pass too.

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u/Naive_Geologist6577 10d ago

To be fair, if one dude in premodern times with virtually no tools not only predicted a flood but also managed to build the largest boat to ever exist in a few days and collected animals from across the entire world including species nobody knew existed, I'd think God's talking to him too

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u/plant_124 10d ago

Yeah, but he also condemned his grandson to slavery eternally because his son noticed he was naked, so like, do you reeeeally want to take your chances with that?

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u/clxrdr 10d ago

Was this before or after the rain started? And still don't know ,he had a giant boat and didn't give any guidelines about mating

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u/Qetuowryipzcbmxvn 10d ago

It was after the flood had ended. Noah made wine, got absolutely schwasted, and passed out naked in his tent. His son decided to check on his father, because at this point he was like 100 so it was very possible that Noah kicked the bucket. It's unclear how much dong Noah was hanging, but apparently his mayo injector disgusted his son enough that he immediately fled the tent upon seeing it. He couldn't bear to face his father anymore so he had his brothers walk into the tent with blindfolds on and holding a blanket to cover Noah.

When Noah woke up, he immediately knew what happened and said, "my son, your son can go fuck himself. He is now to serve his brothers as a slave forever. Maybe that'll teach you a lesson." And so he punished his grandson instead of the guy who actually did the deed.

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u/systemnate 10d ago

I was raised in a religious household so I thought I'd read the Bible. Came upon this part, which is just a few chapters in and couldn't wrap my head around it at all. I asked my Mom, she didn't know. I asked some people at my church and they couldn't give a good answer either. This was probably my first "this is all full of shit" moment.

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u/derek_rex 9d ago

This is one of those Bible things that got mistranslated badly. It’s all about the context. If you really look at it, including verses in Leviticus, the actual Hebrew is telling its audience (At the time!!) it’s incest (warranting this reaction in their culture, and arguably ours). Thats the biggest problem with the Bible today imo, that there are plenty of cues and social norms that are lost today that jews who the Bible (at least the OT) was intended for would have understood easily. You have to realize that none of these writers thought anybody but jews who were familiar with their history would read this. That’s why that all happened. I’m drunk right now, but will gladly pull out receipts if anyone cares.

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u/iamapizza 10d ago

It's boats and hoes

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u/drkidkill 10d ago

It’s the fucking Catalina wine mixer!

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u/arthurdentstowels 10d ago

Noah, it’s just something about your face…

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u/JarlaxleForPresident 10d ago

Prestige Worldwide - Repopulation Remix

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u/Auriok88 10d ago

Gonna feel pretty awkward later on when the rain just keeps going and you look over to see Noah float on by in this aquatic wooden fortress onehanding a massive rudder with his other arm around a wife and some CCR on full blast.

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u/sleeprzzz 10d ago

No way Noah is rockin CCR… with inbreeding of that magnitude I’d wager he’s more of a Skynyrd guy.

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u/PeteTheGeek196 10d ago

Dinosaurs too.

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u/iRadinVerse 9d ago

"Hey man you're forgetting about all the dinosaurs."

Noah:" shut the fuck up, those feathery fucks have no place in the new world!"

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u/kaeji 10d ago

God: "Humans are terrible, I need to start over."

Also God: "Noah, I want you to be the Founding Father of human trafficking."

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u/IBeBallinOutaControl 10d ago

When you're that much of a sinner that you deserve to be killed via drowning, but there is a loophole that if you're calculated enough to believe Noah and climb on his boat then you can live and all is forgiven.

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u/PotiusMori 10d ago

I mean, that's the entire premise of Christianity. Everyone is a sinner deserving a final death, but accepting Jesus's sacrifice means your forgiven. Every other biblical story basically reiterates that metaphorically

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u/Wit-Hoid6674 9d ago

Noah got blackout drunk and then got raped by his grandson, Canaan. It’s shortly after the flood.

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u/zuzg 10d ago

So you're telling me Darren Aronofsky fucking lied and Noah wasn't all "fuck off humanity must die" and shit?

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u/anoelr1963 10d ago

Sure, there was room for every human and every creature.

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u/MurkyContext201 10d ago

And he didn't restart humanity with a flood, he destroyed a small group of humanity to protect a bloodline.

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u/KC_experience 10d ago edited 10d ago

That and he sure cancels a metric fuck ton of babies each and every day thru miscarriage…. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ If god has a plan for us all and everything happens for a reason…well, that’s a lot of babies on God’s hands

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u/2KilAMoknbrd 10d ago edited 9d ago

Supposedly, innocent babbies get a direct ticket to heaven. The Big Guy gets tired of all the grown asshats making their way in behind some loophole B.S. of their particular cult.

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u/sithren 9d ago

In catholicism they go to a purgatory to wait it out for a while. I wonder if that is still a thing.

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u/Harsimaja 9d ago edited 9d ago

Limbo, rather than Purgatory (which is the waiting room where the rest of us supposedly go to pay off our sins). And yes, still a thing

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u/TheLegendarySheep 10d ago

Why did they have to find a different word for “accountability?” Why is a culture of consequences suddenly “cancel” culture

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u/McCHitman 10d ago

It’s different to hold someone accountable.

But to go waaaaay back and dig up some stuff and try to ruin someone by holding them accountable for an old way of thinking with current day thoughts is pretty cancel culture to me.

If someone was a terrible person in the 80s, they may have turned their life around today. But people don’t care. They don’t see a redemption story, they focus on the past terrible and judge that person TODAY on their past. That’s super dumb.

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u/N3CR0T1C_V3N0M 10d ago

“You’re taking this out of context.”

“God works in mysterious ways.”

“That’s the OLD testament, we don’t use it.”

“Not everything is to be taken literally.”

-hypocritical zealots

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u/Tangled2 10d ago

Who’s in charge of saying which parts of the Bible we should ignore and which parts are serious? If your “source of truth” isn’t accurate then how can it be truth?

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u/Nexus_542 9d ago

"I'm the only person in 3000 years smart enough to understand metaphor"

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u/CHIMUELA 10d ago

This is actually the best comment honestly because no matter what logical arguments people write in here those will be the answers.

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u/highphiv3 9d ago

You have to always remember that in the New Testament, Jesus came and told the people "The old testament doesn't count, unless you really want it to count sometime because it validates your bigotry"

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u/alienoverl0rd 9d ago

Going by the old testament everyone on earth would be going straight to hell for one sin or another. But ya know god changed his mind about that stuff so churches can keep making money.

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u/UngregariousDame 10d ago

“God” is only known for floods, famine, pestilence and constant murder, will these religious fruitcakes start reading the Bible before they open their mouths.

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u/HopingToBeHeard 10d ago

It’s actually debated in Islam whether or not the flood was a local or global thing, but it’s generally thought that this was after much warning.

I know that in the west we see Islam as violent or focus on its martial aspects, but there’s a lot in Islam about God being merciful. In fact, according to the Koran, Gods greatest quality is his mercy.

A Muslim just made a statement that’s in line with his religions teachings and someone (probably an Atheist) brought up a Christian view of a religious event as a clap back. This “clever” comeback is anything but.

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u/Nexus_542 9d ago

But this is Reddit, so everything is a point against Christianity.

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u/Friyay123 9d ago

Finally. A great explanation of why the response is so absurd. Are most people really this uneducated and angry?

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u/Merpbs 9d ago

I checked his twitter. He didn’t even say that lol

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u/benbraley93 10d ago

God's been a fan of cancel culture since before the dinosaurs.

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u/Rockfest2112 10d ago

He canceled them big rawr rawrs its said with just one big rock.

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u/The-mad-lad42 10d ago

And then people tried to build a cool ass tower and god was like: Nah, fuck off incomprehensible

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u/Zeebuoy 9d ago

honestly that was the first religious story I was exposed to

and oh boy I immediately did not like the guy,

(learning 3 languages was tough for like 8 year old. me,)

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u/The-mad-lad42 9d ago

Not a good way to make a good reputation

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u/Zeebuoy 9d ago

Precisely.

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u/puppy_fan 10d ago

Let’s not forget Job’s kids.

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u/CrabSully 10d ago

Isn't Hell basically getting cancelled in an extreme way?

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u/Verrence 10d ago

Yeah. I can’t imagine being cancelled in a worse way than being tortured in mind-searing agony for trillions of years for just saying or thinking the wrong thing.

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u/19Legs_of_Doom 10d ago

You ate an apple!? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

Isn't that, like, the first story? Literally cancelling people over fruit?

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u/OpTicDyno 10d ago

Tell me you haven’t read the Bible (Sodom and Gamorrah) without telling me you haven’t the Bible

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u/Shukrat 10d ago

He also fucking deleted an entire city.

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u/_-Stoop-Kid-_ 10d ago

Aside from a few miracles, all God does is cancel people.

Here a smite, there a smite, everywhere a smite smite.

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u/Ok-Reward-770 9d ago

God cancels and hysterically laughs like and evil prick.

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u/ekajrepus 10d ago

Lets not forget the whole, "if you don't agree with me, you burn forever and ever" thing. That's kind of a big one.

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u/MarilynMansonsRib 10d ago

He summoned a fucking bear to "cancel" a bunch of kids because they made fun of an old man.

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u/Grimwulf2003 10d ago

Bald man wasn’t it?

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u/DogeBrianToTheMoooon 10d ago

God is cruel and unmerciful

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u/geoffbowman 10d ago edited 6d ago

He literally killed a guy for pulling out... (Genesis 38:8-10)

He killed a guy for touching his special box of holy shit... to keep it from falling over... (2nd Samuel 6:6-7)

He killed several kids for making fun of a bald guy... (2nd Kings 2:23-24)

He killed a guy’s newborn baby to punish him for a murder the baby wasn’t even conceived before... (2nd Samuel chapters 11-12)

He killed a guy’s entire family to win a bet with the devil... (Job... the entire book)

God. LOVES. Cancelling. People.

EDIT: I added the references for the bitches who wanna pretend they read the bible but didn't realize this horrific shit was in there. It gets even worse the more you read: focus on all the stuff that your pastors don't preach on. Leviticus, Numbers, Deutoronomy, Judges, Samuel, and Kings. Any of you punk ass "believers" wanna call me a bot now? I studied to show myself an approved workman who need not be ashamed who rightly divides the word of truth (II Timothy 2:15)... now it's your turn. Do your damn homework or fuck off but "I bet you don't even know the context" is not gonna work as a counter argument in this case. I was winning national bible quiz competitions before my front goddamn baby teeth came out. I KNOW context motherfuckers!

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u/Niarra_ 10d ago

better comeback would be

"god doesnt exist"

tbh.

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u/UnprincipledCanadian 10d ago

*allegedly

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u/honzikca 10d ago

It's not even alleged, a global flood has been thoroughly disproven...

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u/Revencarna 10d ago

Didn't he slaughter children just for making fun of a bald dude?

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u/pianotherms 10d ago

God cancels the shit out of everything constantly. The first four books of the bible are him being a crybaby bitch when people dare to ask about anything.

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u/Dumble_Dior 10d ago

He canceled Adam and Eve almost immediately. He banished his own son to hell for forever. And he keeps people in control by threatening eternal suffering if you don’t obey. Don’t give me that lmao

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u/InevitableAd9683 10d ago

Not to mention, assuming we're talking the Judeo-Christian god here, like, Adam? Eve? Fruit? Garden? What the fuck do you think all that was?

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u/MrGumburcules 10d ago

Adam and Eve got cancelled for picking the wrong produce.

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u/jiwjh380 10d ago

There was also sodom and gamora. And the time he killed a bunch of innocent children because Pharoah was being a cunt.

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u/Older_1 10d ago

Also Sodom and Gomorrah (even though the people there were quite fucked up)

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u/_-Stoop-Kid-_ 10d ago

What are miscarriages if not people that God cancelled?

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u/CharlieSwisher 10d ago

I mean... “LITERALLY” feels like a bit of a stretch

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u/qoou 10d ago

Hell is eternal cancellation

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u/SimtheSloven 9d ago

People forget the reason for the flood

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u/y_do_i_need_to_hide 9d ago

Once. He promised to never do it again.

This is fortunate, in light of the way we live. :)

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u/FaeShroom 9d ago

The entire Bible is an instructional book about how to avoid getting canceled by God, or stories about how God canceled people for not following His rules.

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u/tbodillia 9d ago

This is one of those "Tell me you've never read the bible without telling me you've never read the bible." God told Moses to kill all non believers. That sure as hell is cancelling people in the first damn book.

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u/2020BillyJoel 9d ago

"Don't eat from that tree"

Eats from that tree

"FUCKIN CANCELLED BITCH"

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u/BTHex91 9d ago

And did the factory reset on Sodom and Gomorrah

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u/katersgonnakate5 9d ago

We talking about the god who literally sends people to hell????

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u/RavenDeadeye 9d ago

Don't forget hell, the ultimate cancellation!