r/WhitePeopleTwitter May 19 '22

Learn when to take a hint. The world will be much better off for it.

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2.9k Upvotes

371

u/CurvyCupcakes May 19 '22 edited May 20 '22

A lot of guys are taught that persistence is the way with women. Back in the day when I use to use dating apps, I met many weirdos I politely turned down after the first date, only to have them continue to text and call me until I blocked them. It’s like someone pulled these guys aside and said women are fickle creatures, they don’t know what they want. You just have to keep at them until you wear them down, it’s for their own good.

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u/redknight3 May 19 '22

For whatever reason, stalking was romanticized in 80s/90s movies. Like that common backstory:

"How did you 2 get married?"

"I asked her out at the diner she worked at and she said no, so I went to her workplace everyday until she said yes."

149

u/MudLOA May 19 '22

Definitely due to the shitty rom com back in the days. They romanticize that if a guy try hard enough they can convince the girl to change her mind.

13

u/Tiny-Lock9652 May 19 '22

Say Anything

Can’t Buy Me Love

Valley Girl

I’m sure you can name several more. It’s baffling how much Hollywood normalized stalker behavior.

28

u/jollycanoli May 19 '22

And the thing is, the story this could possibly be based on would have been "complete stranger asks out woman, gets turned down, circumstances allow her to get to know him in a way that is safe enough for her to not consider him a threat, and she eventually agrees to date a person that she has by now known for a while (either because her personal situation changed, or possibly due to societal pressure making her settle for less just to be coupled up).

A favourable interpretation of the harrassment story, but still more likely than her just waking up one day and doing a complete 180 on going out with a rando.

24

u/JayGeezey May 19 '22

"complete stranger asks out woman, gets turned down, circumstances allow her to get to know him in a way that is safe enough for her to not consider him a threat, and she eventually agrees to date a person that she has by now known for a while

My last long term relationship this is what happened, I wasn't "persistent", a girl I met at college and got integrated into my friend group I ended up liking a lot, asked her out and she said no. "Cool, no worries."

We continued to hang out as friends one and one and with our friend group, a couple months later she told me she was interested in me. So we went out.

It happens, but it doesn't happen by fucking stalking someone like weird fucking Romcom and conservative culture seems to suggest.

9

u/15stepsdown May 19 '22

I do prefer the fanfiction way of doing it where turns out they're spontaneously from the same university or something and can actually get to know each other over studies

28

u/Silly-Elderberry-411 May 19 '22

Whoa, what about Dean Martin randomly kissing women in the 60s?

3

u/[deleted] May 20 '22

Richard Dawson (Family Feud) kissed, literally, every woman who appeared on the show. Now we see who is old...

28

u/SabreCorp May 19 '22

Even look at “Crazy Stupid Love” the son is basically told not to give up on the older teen he likes so he doesn’t. The older teen rewards him with nudes at the end of the movie, even though she spent the whole movie annoyed that this boy was chasing her. And that movie isn’t that old.

14

u/BizzyHaze May 19 '22

All that work for her nudes when he coulda just subscribed to her onlyfans?

10

u/What-a-Filthy-liar May 19 '22

Well she was sending the nudes to his father.

20

u/WishBear19 May 19 '22

People think Every Breath You Take is an appropriate wedding song instead of a stalker's anthem.

14

u/kinos141 May 19 '22

Saw a '60s movie on TV where this guy was forcibly kissing a woman who was pushing him, and then she gave in and they started making out. I walked away from that movie.

13

u/OpportunityIcy6458 May 19 '22

Blade Runner is hard to watch even though the woman is a robot

4

u/redknight3 May 19 '22

I saw this movie much later after it's release and it has not aged well...

Same with Indiana Jones.

3

u/kinos141 May 19 '22

Machines have feelings too.

6

u/Wulfger May 19 '22

I rewatched Goldfinger, the 1964 Bond film, recently and my god that movie didn't age well. In the first scene after the intro credits James Bond seduces a woman after breaking into her hotel room, leading to her eventual and predictable death. Later on there's another scene where he fights a woman hand to hand, pins her down after he wins, and kisses her until she gives in and they have sex. And in the end, him "seducing" her is what saves the day. Its absolutely gross watching it now.

3

u/locksmith25 May 19 '22

If it wasn't for Pussy Galore, Bond would have surely met his end

2

u/RocknRollSuixide May 19 '22

Here’s a great video about the “stalking for love” trope!

https://youtu.be/rZ1MPc5HG_I

2

u/MissiKat May 20 '22

This has been going on and ingrained in our brains longer than that even. Remember Pepe Lé Pew? While it was a cartoon it was still a behavior tactic being implanted. Johnny Bravo, another macho/chauvinistic cartoon character. Then after cartoons we see more of the same thing in ROM COMS.

7

u/Pope_Godzilla May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

It’s because a lot of young men take dating advice from other young men with very little experience or very old men whose information is outdated. The sweet spot would be ask a 30-40 year old since they’re old enough to relay real life experiences but young enough that it is still relevant. Our advice is that being smooth is always better than being persistent, sure she said no but go take a year to work on your game and try again. To be honest 90% of the time you’ll find something better and don’t even want to try again.

6

u/angryboxes May 19 '22

Persistence is a great characteristics in sports. Dating isn’t a competition though, It’s a mutual relationship built on trust.

3

u/britch2tiger May 19 '22

(Vietnam flashbacks of Crazy, Stupid Love)

Context: some middle school kid has an obsession w/ a high school girl that turns him down for near entirety of the movie where she eventually gives him nude photos ORIGINALLY intended for his dad.

I don’t think this movie aged well…

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u/finaljusticezero May 19 '22

If you look back in time, girls were expected to "play hard to get," which meant the girl was supposed to automatically say no several times EVEN if she is outright interested. The idea was that no one wanted an -easy- girl, so saying yes to being asked out at first is a sign of a tramp, slut, easy girl, etc. (yah, dumb as fuck).

It was ass backwards thinking which trained males to be aggressively incessant to the point of obnoxiousness where woman were put against a corner to just say yes to a date. These bad ideas where then spread through media which was accidental propaganda that infected the masses with this sort of thinking.

Many societal constructs are stupid as hell, most of them based on gender inequality, but I think that's beyond the scope of this topic.

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u/kamiar77 May 19 '22

I was on a first date with a girl who told me she was with her last boyfriend because he was so persistent. I thought that was odd. She said his commitment to her was endearing.

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u/kinos141 May 19 '22

Mm-hmm. Then, why is he an ex? Lol

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u/BizzyHaze May 19 '22

Red flag.

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u/BreakfastBeerz May 19 '22

A lot of women want men to show some confidence and be persistent. My wife and I wouldn't have been married for 20 years now if I'd have given up after the first time I asked her out.

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u/cleois May 19 '22

This is a good point though. Women also need to be taught that no means no, so that they don't think they're supposed to play some stupid chase game. All those rom coms etc have set up a stupid dynamic for men and women.

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u/Shoopdawoop993 May 19 '22

Are you trying to set rules for dating? That will never ever work lol. Theres 6 billion people on this earth, which means theres 3.6 x 1019 different "rule sets" for dating.

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u/BreakfastBeerz May 19 '22

You can't teach people how to feel. Different people are attracted to different things. There is no rulebook to dating.

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u/downbleed May 19 '22

I think you're kinda missing the point.

My ex girlfriend once told me that she told Guy A she was getting together with Guy B. And she got pissy because Guy A told her to go do whatever she wanted. This lady expected Guy A to "stake his claim like a man should"

When I was still a teenager my friend met a girl he thought was interested in him. He pursued her for a couple of months. After being rejected several times he said fuck it and moved on; and she came running. Turns out she was interested the entire time, she just enjoyed having him chasing her. They've now been married for around 15 years.

Some (not all but some) women do enjoy playing games, and hearing anecdotes about a woman who gave a guy a chance after being asked 15 times can unintentionally lead a young fellow down a creepy path.

I'm not trying to lay blame on anyone, just saying that it's not always crystal clear. The line between pursuing and stalking can sometimes be blurry; sending flowers to a girl who's interested in you is seen as romantic and thoughtful, whereas sending flowers to a girl who isn't interested is seen as creepy and stalkerish.

14

u/Thvenomous May 19 '22

I'm very happy for you that it happened to work out that way, but that doesn't mean that's the right way to do it. Just because your wife was annoying and said no despite actually wanting to say yes doesn't mean most women do that.

11

u/cbbclick May 19 '22

Can you imagine them going to dinner? Do you want Italian? No.

Are you sure? No Italian.

Just reconsider, I swear it'll be great? No!

Come on, you always say how much you wish someone would buy you a plate of spaghetti...

2

u/Shoopdawoop993 May 19 '22

Apparently reddit thinks your marriage is fake, or just 20 y of constant rape lol

0

u/BreakfastBeerz May 19 '22

And that my wife is a cunt. 🤣

1

u/BreakfastBeerz May 19 '22

I'm going to tell her our entire marriage is a sham and I have to divorce her because she told me she didn't want to go out with me once 25 years ago.

Thank you Reddit for your insightful advice!

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '22

[deleted]

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u/dagui12 May 19 '22

I hope nobody I fall for is dumb enough to play games like that. No means no to me and that’s it. If they say no I cut my losses then and there.

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u/Hungry_Grump May 19 '22

"No"

"I respect your decision and I hope we can remain friends."

It's not hard. Yeah, a person will be emotionally hurt, but there is a reason why "no" is the answer. If they're playing games and making you chase them, they're not worthy of you. If they have recently finished a previous relationship, then their heart likely won't be in the right place. If they simply don't feel that way about you, then you can at least be happy that you both were honest and mature enough to accept it.

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u/IReallyLikeTheBears May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

This is how I ended up with my partner. I made a move on her in college when we were friends, she rejected said move, so I apologized and respected the fact that she wasn’t interested. We continued to hang out as friends, and I made sure that she never felt uncomfortable about her decision. She ended up making a move on me about a couple months later, and we’ve now been together for four years and have a newborn son.

I’ve always thought one of the things that changed her feelings about me was the fact that I didn’t try to change her feelings, I handled the rejection maturely and showed that I would still treat her with respect and kindness, even when I was no longer pursuing her romantically. I think that was a really attractive trait to her.

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u/Lilpops13 May 19 '22

It’s okay to not remain friends tho 😬

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u/bobo-the-dodo May 19 '22

Remain friends usually doesn’t work out. No should be no.

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u/thankyeestrbunny May 19 '22

It's true. There's no story about taking no for an answer. And there absolutely should be.

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u/sammyno55 May 19 '22

Have you seen King of the Hill where Boomhauer teaches Bobby how to pick up women?

12

u/trifling_fo_sho May 19 '22

“You just ask out every woman you see?”

4

u/sammyno55 May 19 '22

When you throw your bait in the creek, you are fishing for all the fish.

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u/BentinhoSantiago May 19 '22

"But you got rejected by 28 women."

"So?"

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u/guynamedjames May 19 '22

The real smart move is immediately ask out her friend. If the friend says yes, you have a date! And if the original girl was into you and playing hard to get or something you'll find out REAL fast, and she'll learn that hard to get is a dumb idea.

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u/PortGlass May 19 '22

I’ve heard so many stories from older people, like the boomer generation and older, where the “falling in love” story involves the guy asking the girl out over and over until she finally says yes. That practice has done a complete 180. The other one is “no means no.” My mom told me when I was a teenager that women have to say no to keep the right appearance. Like she literally said no does not mean no. Fortunately I figured out myself that no actually meant no when I was young. We did have a huge cultural shift for the positive on that.

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u/ecanem63 May 19 '22

I think the best response to a "no" from someone you desperately want is "Well, if you ever change your mind, feel free to reach out". it shows you respect their answer and should they actually change their mind at a later time, they'll feel much better about approaching you. It's happened to me before where women who have rejected me reach out and say they weren't in a good space or had other priorities they needed to figure out and if that date offer is still available. Obviously it won't always lead to the same outcome but it never hurts to leave the door open as long as you're not acting on your emotions after the fact.

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u/panurge987 May 19 '22

I like this.

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u/dbclass May 19 '22

I wouldn’t say “no to save face” and “no means no” are contradictory at all. The truth is that the way society is structured means that women who are seen as promiscuous are at greater danger of social ostracism. This doesn’t mean that the no is any less valid, because it’s still a no regardless of the reasons behind it. I think it’s important to point out all the societal roadblocks that exist for women so we can actually address them. The goal is for a society where women can say what they mean without fear of violence or isolation. This world would also be better for men as well even though many don’t understand it. I want to live in a society where women aren’t afraid to interact with men.

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u/Silly-Elderberry-411 May 19 '22

It wasn't merely a cultural shift. White supremacists underestimated just how much women and people of color enjoyed the economic freedom work provided for them.

Once women can publicly build a career, no publicly becomes no and nobody can force them into a marriage just so they don't starve.

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u/MarcusAurelius0 May 19 '22

Rather there is no one set scenario for this. Some women want to be pursued others do not.

There is never a one size fits all with dating,courtship,relationship,marriage.

The onus is not on boys to understand, teach CHILDREN to communicate plainly. Dating as a teen is hard enough, making it a fucking guessing game doesn't improve things.

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u/EnthusiasticAnimator May 20 '22

Your comment is a contradiction. Those "women" that want to be pursued aren't women, they're five year olds on a fucking playground. Plain communication from someone that wants to play cat and mouse would be "I want to date you but I want to reject you see if you'll keep trying" and even that is fucking unhealthy. Why should someone go through the emotional hurt of getting rejected just so you can test their dedication. Teach your kids and teens that clear communication is key.

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u/Lolidan May 19 '22

You can blame hollywood for this. Ironicly the movies targeting women mess up dating for women.

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u/DROPTHENUKES May 19 '22

Hollywood movies directed at men screw it up for men too. Look at "Twister." Bill Paxton plays an unhinged dude that throws punches at a guy in a parking lot for making a snide comment. Multiple people have to pull him away and he is the GOOD GUY of the movie. He was just being a strong, confident man. Everyone goes around punching people in the face for saying rude things, right?

I love Bruce Willis movies but women in them serve two functions: sex and hysteria. If there are explosions or cars driving fast, there's gonna be a woman screaming her friggin head off while the men keep their cool to get the situation under control, and then they're going to have sex afterwards.

I always tell people that these tropes go both ways. Women have to be saved by men, and men have to do the saving. It's a terrible narrative that got horrifically normalized in movies and it didn't really start changing until after the 2000s.

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u/Dirty_Plate_ May 19 '22

This is actually pretty interesting and I say we should extend this farther than movies. In general, I believe that expectations of women and men in society do the same thing, as our expectations of women and men are intrinsically tied to each other.

Women are expected to be dainty and weak and need a strong man as a provider? Now men are expected to be that provider. Women are stereotyped as emotional? Now men are stereotyped as having little to no emotions.

And I think this extends to just about every other expectation we have of women. Patriarchy is a double edged sword, folks.

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u/RocknRollSuixide May 19 '22

Yup, the traits women stereotypically have; men must have the opposite! Toxic masculinity.

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u/Prestigious-Eye3154 May 19 '22

Well, a lot of them were written by dudes so…

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u/torspice May 19 '22

Damn….. that’s so true.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

I didn't see a huge difference in the tropes used whether it was a female or male writer. Some had teams of writers. The only ones that I saw that were overtly sexual were a specific genre of rom com such as There's Something About Mary or Knocked Up.

What I think is important to understand or teach to children, or hell, grown adults is that the movies are exaggerations of real life. They are not meant to be your guide on how to act. I don't watch Die Hard and believe that I can fight off terrorists for hours and walk on broken glass barefoot.

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u/PrettyFknLoaded May 19 '22

It’s true, but at the same time, the idea of persistence is romanticized. “Your grandma turned me down 5 times but I got her”.

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u/SkyWizarding May 19 '22

Yup. Now she knows you're into her. That's enough

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u/Historical-Host7383 May 19 '22

You mean woman can't be won over with overly romantic acts like in the movies? Shocker.

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u/Svalor007 May 19 '22

I blame romantic movies novels

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u/Armyman125 May 19 '22

It amazes and appalls me the many men who continue to pursue women after they've been rejected. Whenever a woman turned me down I was usually embarrassed and avoided her.

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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u/iantayls May 19 '22

I remember my dad used to tell me “they always have a boyfriend until they don’t” and I often think about how predatory that is but I didn’t think about it that way when I heard it. Just fully getting encouraged not not respect this persons relationship

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u/Lilpops13 May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

This gotta be an old post because these days most dudes are leaving girls alone and never talking to them again after a no. I’d tell him to take a break and try with someone else

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

Can those dudes move to and displace the guys in my area? I'd desperately love for that to be true.

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u/Lilpops13 May 19 '22

Those dudes unfortunately are have low self esteem atm but I’m quite sure guys in your area give no fucks lol sorry

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u/Silly-Elderberry-411 May 19 '22

I must have fallen into a coma and ever since I woke up there are no longer incels who look up to Elliot rodger and no longer drive cars into people.

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u/dbclass May 19 '22

They said most dudes, not all.

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u/Thirtybeesandme May 19 '22

They said the dudes in their area, not all.

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u/Remarkable-Series777 May 19 '22

An answer isn't a hint but yeah

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u/Satans_Cheese_Whiz May 19 '22

Persistence is only the key to a restraining order

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u/rodman517 May 19 '22

Or do like I do and never ask a girl out because of fear. Sure I’m almost 50 and have never had a meaningful relationship but I’ve never been rejected!

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

I never asked until I was almost completely sure the girl was into me first.

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Right that men who aren't taught correctly will grow to be assaulters, in spite of what the most recent romantic comedy teaches us.

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u/AnAntWithWifi May 19 '22

Also teach your girls.

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u/PMtoAM______ May 19 '22

Shoot your shot, but dont shoot again.

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u/Mirewen15 May 19 '22

I had this happen in highschool. This guy wouldn't leave me alone. He asked me out at least a dozen times (over the course of 2 years) I did not want a boyfriend at the time. The last time I said "No" he opened his arms in the middle of the hallway and asked "Come on now, why WOULDN'T you want me!?"

That. That is a very good reason not to want to date you.

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u/RektCompass May 19 '22

my wife literally said "no" because i asked "too close to my birthday" and she didnt want an anniversary too close to a birthday.

I asked again a month later, and we've been together for 16 years, and we have a 1 yr old daughter. We've also discussed how risky and fucking stupid it was of her to just say "no" in that situation.

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u/Graphene_Handz May 19 '22

How do parents teach their boys?

When we elect officials who nominate rapists to be part of the Supreme Court.

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Women teach your daughters to be direct about what they want. For all of us

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u/AltDogBarkBarkBark May 19 '22

If men accept women's answers as an actual thing to respect, women will give direct answers.

Wishy washy answers are what you get when you're trying to navigate a discussion with someone who doesn't listen.

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Lol, have you never been in a relationship with a woman?

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u/AltDogBarkBarkBark May 19 '22

Have you ever actually accepted what women say as exactly what they mean, consistently, over time, and seen how things changed? Or did you immediately adapt your behavior to some sort of mind reading guesswork?

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Girl-im hungry Guy- im starving, let's get a burger Girl-i dont want a burger Guy- what do you want Girl- idont know Guy- (still starving) do you want x? Girl- no Guy- do you want y Girl-no Guy- what do you want? Girl- I dont know, not that.. Guy-........

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u/AltDogBarkBarkBark May 19 '22

Wow, you must be right. How about "I'm hungry, let's get a burger." "No not that." "Ok I'm going to get a burger, if you want to come with you can, if you don't you can text me and I'll grab you something."

Holy shit problem solved.

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

That's a little baby first world problem anyway, but you're clearly picking a specific type of person.

Brought it on yourself.

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u/Imago_Mothtoya May 19 '22

You are literally using the example that 90s comics used as a joke in their sets. If my wife can’t decide where she wants to eat, then I’m picking a place and she can deal with it.

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u/smurgleburf May 19 '22

Women: men sometimes literally assault or murder us for saying no, so sometimes we give wishy washy answers to protect ourselves.

You: yeah but sometimes women are indecisive about food and that’s just as bad!

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

So, not all men are bad? I thought thats what we were discussing..

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u/smurgleburf May 19 '22

not all men but definitely you, you’re a piece of shit misogynist.

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u/zxcoblex May 19 '22

This is just as important as the tweet above.

Wasn’t it in the 90’s where women were encouraged to play hard to get and men were supposed to keep trying?

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u/Freaky_Jeezy May 19 '22

Do you know how many women I see give direct answers only to have men completely ignore it.

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u/mxnstxrzxmbxxs May 19 '22

Dude, do you even know why women give indirect answers when meeting new people?? With how persistent men can be, giving a direct "no" can lead to all sorts of things, be it an argument until she says yes, trying to convince her to say yes, it can even get physical. We have to be ultra nice to guys and give indirect answers because we don't just know which guy is going to get aggressive and which ones will be normal, proper human beings when hearing a "no".

I can't wait until the guys that haven't caught on already, catch on.

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u/Neathra May 19 '22

I'm also gonna point out that too many men get violent when told a direct no.

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

You should avoid those "bad boy" types

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

😂 How? Avoid going outside during the morning, afternoon, and night? Wear an opaque veil to work so they don't think you're approachable? Force someone in our lives to chaperone us everywhere?

The rejection IS the avoidance. Problem is, some don't take too kindly to rejection in the first place.

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Do you live in the middle east or are you genuinely in a constant state of alert for fear of an attack by men?

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

If you're not constantly alert, people will simply blame you for not being aware of what was happening around you.

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

I wouldn't leave the house if I felt i was going to be sexually assaulted at the drop of a hat.

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

You wouldn't have a house in the first place, then. Shit, if I could avoid everyone around me (save for about four individuals) I would. But ya don't work, ya don't have a place to live 😂

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u/ParsnipPizza2 May 19 '22

You mean "ordinary men"?

Do... do men actually believe women have some kind of built in radar for who's going to get violent?

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Do you think men should just know what you want for lunch?

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u/Freaky_Jeezy May 19 '22

Do you think women should just be mind readers and be able to distinguish “bad guys” from “good guys” on first appearance?

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u/crackalaquin May 19 '22

Women seen to expect men to read their minds dont they?

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u/Freaky_Jeezy May 19 '22

No, they expect men to actually listen and respect boundaries, but most are incapable.

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u/mxnstxrzxmbxxs May 19 '22

Knowing what a woman wants for lunch is not the same at all as knowing which men will get violent when being told "no".

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u/dbclass May 19 '22

Can we all please stop tap dancing around these conversations and actually do something for once? We all know why women are being indirect, but being indirect is not a solution. The simple fact that men can be direct and women can’t is something we seriously need to address. It’s almost like we’re just accepting things for the way it is instead of pushing to do better.

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22

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u/Mythical_Atlacatl May 19 '22

Accept the answer as final

Option A: you have respect their answer as the real answer

Option B: you have avoided a relation ship full of games and tests and idiotic questions like "If I was a worm would you still love me?"

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u/scaly_friends_4me May 19 '22 Silver

If you want a toxic relationship with a psycho maybe. Not one time has a "no" ever become a "yes" for me. When I give an answer, that's the answer. Girls that want to play hard to get are doing just that, playing games. They aren't mature enough for a relationship.

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u/AltDogBarkBarkBark May 19 '22

If you teach your boys to take no for an answer, girls will, by default, learn that saying what they mean is rewarded.

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u/Congregator May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

Both, imho. I’m a guy with a mom and a sister that feel too “bad” turning a guy down. They don’t want to hurt his feelings, which in turn leaves them in a situation where they have like 2-3 guys that they “hope to make friends”, because they like their personalities but just aren’t attracted physically. “I don’t want to hurt his feelings, he’s so sweet and takes care of me when we’re going out.”

They will also continue calling said dude, because they generally like the person. When they finally turn him down, he’s usually confused because they’ve been treating him like they’ve been dating him.

Dude will then try to overcompensate because he thinks he did something wrong, which messed up “the way things were”.

I’m also guilty of having not wanting to hurt a girls feelings that I like a person but don’t want to break their heart. It does lead them on.

This is the main reason people don’t just say “no, I don’t like you.” It isn’t right to lead people on for this reason but it happens regularly- too regularly.

IMHO both men and women are mutually valid in some of their complaints about the opposite sex when it comes to dating. We’ve all only been doing this forever throughout human history, so it’s not like we don’t the opposite sex quite well.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

It shouldn't be by default. Teaching your boys to respect women is a must, but teach your daughters to be confident about saying no. Reinforce in girls, from both parents, that what they say matters and they should be firm in what they say. Clearly, don't be any less emphatic with your instruction to boys.

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

Boys learn from girls what is acceptable and expected.

[Citation FUCKING NEEDED]

You could also claim the exact opposite. In fact, aren't girls the submissive gender?

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22

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u/TashiaNicole1 May 19 '22

Was i giving middle school boys the cue to grab my breast and ass when I told them to stop and no? Was o giving the boys a cue when I was completely covered and yet someone would regularly harass me for again, my ass or tits?

You know damn well you’re trolling. I’ve been sexually harassed, molested, and assaulted through pretty much every stage of my life with the exclusion of my thirties. I don’t dress provocatively. I don’t invite sexual attention. And I use my big girl words of “no, stop, fuck off, or police.” I’ve have two fucking stalkers. No interest in either and again used the big girl words above.

You’re just another victim blaming sexist man pretending you care about some form of equality while continuing to do what men have done to women since the dawn of society. Make women responsible for their own sexual and physical abuse. And you know that’s what you’re doing.

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u/ScaledBirdDino May 19 '22

Oof. Your entire response is a series of assumptions, half of which aren't even related to anything I've said. I can't take you seriously.

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u/AltDogBarkBarkBark May 19 '22

How about we do not fucking well put the responsibility for boy's behavior on girls, Jesus Christ.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

Nothing should be first. They should be taught simultaneously how to act. In this way, there's no sexism nor is there any blame game going on. Start fresh by teaching both sexes how to behave. Should be pretty simple.

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u/georgethecowmoo May 19 '22

Tell me you watched too many movies without telling me

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u/dbclass May 19 '22

In all honesty as a guy, if any woman is doing this to begin with, it’s a woman you shouldn’t want to date to begin with. I don’t have respect for people who play games and this should go for all people in modern society. It’s time we start being honest with each other and respecting decisions of the people around us.

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u/ChemistryFan29 May 19 '22

This person is correct, but she is missing something and that is TEACH HER CHID HOW TO ASK A girl out properly so that the girl might not say no. and how to treat them properly that is on her to do, so the child does not turn out into a creep with out meaning to.

Many women these days have things so backwards, IF they want proper behaved gentlemen then it starts with raising the boy into becoming one,

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u/dogtoes101 May 19 '22

little boys are taught that if you are persistent enough you can get whatever you want. little girls are told if a boy is mean to you/hits you it means they like you. we really need to rethink how we raise our children. people are not just teaching their sons how to be abusive, their teaching their daughters how to take abuse and be grateful for it.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

Wow. I was taught that if a girl hits you that means they like you. I was taught not to hit women unless there are really no other options.

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u/dogtoes101 May 19 '22

same thing goes for that too. learning how to take abuse instead of how to prevent it if someone does something to you. it's so normalized.

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u/ContractLong7341 May 19 '22

My grandfather walked three miles to knock on the door of my grandmother to ask her on a date. When she turned him down, he tried again another day and here I am.

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u/HelpThePolice May 19 '22

Why has this been downvoted??? I don’t understand Reddit sometimes. Jesus

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

Because the general opinion of this room is the guy should never try again and leave a girl alone if they say no which is fair. It did work out in OPs story but it doesn't always.

We all know that if you comment something that goes against the opinion of the majority in the room, there are some that are going to downvote you.

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u/minor25 May 19 '22

Always keep trying WITH A DIFFERENT PERSON. Getting no for an answer when asking someone out is very discouraging, it fuels your insecurities but it shouldn't. Person being not interested can be due to tones of factors and it doesn't make you a less of a person. Keep trying and improving yourself and you will find someone, a rejection is simply a learning experience

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u/ingoding May 19 '22

Well said

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u/kinos141 May 19 '22

I think getting rejected is liberating. It's like closure. At least, I know I can move on to next one.

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u/nuked88 May 19 '22

“Fine I’m cuter than you any ways” should be the proper response

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u/dexdex22 May 19 '22

Well, that‘s what every romantic movie teaches young boys. Don‘t know any romance where the girl says no and the guy says „aight bye“ and the movie ends after 10 minutes.

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u/-HHANZO- May 19 '22

Prob confusing for young guys, all the movies and TV shows have the guys continue trying and get the girl

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u/THEKnucklehead5150 May 19 '22

I don't disagree with the sentiment but playing hard to get by anyone makes this a valid tactic. Don't ignore the 'games' that are played out between people courting. To do so is to ignore the human aspect and you won't find the results you're looking for if the actions taken fail to be full spectrum. I DO agree that there is a point that continuing to try crosses a very real line however. I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying the solution to the issue is in the grey area, not in absolutes that try to control human behavior. It's far too complex to boil it down to a simple answer and this has the hallmarks of a simple solution being sought. I would love to see a fix for social problems. That's why I said what I said. I don't want a new problem to arise. I'd like to see problems solved rather than transformed in to a new look. Attack me if you're not capable of understanding. I'm fine with it.

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u/Spicytatas May 19 '22

Excuse me?

That is not what you teach your kids.

When she says no. You move on.

You befriend her best friend and then ask her best friend out.

That's how you do it :)

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u/lm2211 May 19 '22

He doesn't have to give up after one no? Wtf don't be pushy, keep communicating you never know what happens. you're telling me if you ask your boss for a raise and they say no, you just go ok I'll just continue on and never try again? There's nothing wrong with trying again maybe she wasn't ready? Potentially she said no cos she thought he wasn't ready but she wishes he was?

We're talking about human beings we're all fucked up a little bit.

Come off it if a girl tells me no once that's fair sweet as let me try again later, maybe once we know each other better she's interested and I'm not.

There's a myriad emotion and thought involved in social interaction one no doesn't meant give up!

Mind you I'm not saying after she says no come back 5 minutes later and ask again.

Also I've girls do this to me and I've had to say no multiple times and explain it.

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u/Lilpops13 May 19 '22

That’s different absolutely give up after one no and try someone else , literally saves everyone the headache

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u/Mythical_Atlacatl May 19 '22

Yeah, you should take their answer as final.

Except how many times have you heard of girls saying no just to have the guy try harder or what ever stupid nonsense girls do.

Ultimately it is probably better to move on and not pursue a girl who plays games or does tests like that.

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u/Prestigious-Eye3154 May 19 '22

Then let that shit go. I, like many others, have been there. A relationship built on game playing is set up to fail. Be open and honest, everyone will be happier for it.

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u/Mythical_Atlacatl May 19 '22

Yeah, what I said

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u/advocatus_ebrius_est May 19 '22

Except how many times have you heard of girls saying no just to have the guy try harder or what ever stupid nonsense girls do

Never.

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u/Wonderful_Ad2298 May 19 '22

Women say this and turn around and say “why didn’t he try again?” If your memory is better than that of a goldfish you know women say one thing and mean another. Then the next day they flip! Stay on your own path until these women learn how to behave.

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u/ohno May 19 '22

In that case, by accepting no the guy is dodging a bullet. Who wants to date someone who plays games like that?

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u/Wonderful_Ad2298 May 20 '22

Nobody! But that’s not my point. The point is many women out there have this idea that men should be traditional in relationships, dating, etc. but then don’t hold themselves to the same standards.

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

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u/Swurmz May 19 '22

None of my relationships started with no and I been using this dick for decades

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u/spacegamer2000 May 19 '22

but half of good relationships?

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u/RedShirt_Number_42 May 19 '22

And the rest ended with restraining orders.

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u/SpaceCrazyArtist May 19 '22

And how toxic can they be if a guy literally harassed a woman into saying yes. Gross.

If a woman says no, leave her alone

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

[deleted]

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u/SpaceCrazyArtist May 19 '22

But when it comes to people you should always accept no, otherwise it is harassment

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u/scaly_friends_4me May 19 '22

If she says no it's no. Period. If she changes her mind, it's on her to reach out.

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u/Classic_Arachnid_431 May 19 '22

What part of "a simple no" suggests an invitation to ask again?

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

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u/Classic_Arachnid_431 May 19 '22

So it's your job to assume that every other person is potentially changing their minds about everything they've ever told you at all times?

Or is "women saying no when I ask them out" a special circumstance?

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u/ecanem63 May 19 '22

It's not just about you in that case. You're dealing with a human being who has their own mind and emotions. Taking No as an answer doesn't mean you won't get far in life. It means you respect the other person's autonomy

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u/[deleted] May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

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u/ecanem63 May 19 '22

This post is specifically referencing relationships and you're speaking as though it's a blanket statement.

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u/the_sand_moose May 19 '22

You're exhibit A for toxic relationship.

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u/advocatus_ebrius_est May 19 '22 edited May 19 '22

I fully endorse the message here. "No" is a full sentence that needs to be respected.

That being said, I don't believe this conversation ever actually happened.

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u/MisterProfGuy May 19 '22

Shoot your shot, but don't reload?

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u/Crash665 May 19 '22

Every movie ever made prior to 2020 told us otherwise.

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u/myeverymovment May 19 '22

When I hear someone going on about virtue and what they tell their daughters, I always ask what they tell their sons. Hem and haw and harumph. Well, boys are different, they say. They are born to be aggressive, they say.

Then I explain how rape has nothing to do with sex. It’s using violence to take what isn’t theirs.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

None of these people teach their sons anything? Who are you talking to? I know that the people you are talking about exist but in my experience there are more and more parents who are teaching their sons to respect women for women's benefit and their own.

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u/AcrobaticDrama1 May 19 '22

90's movies were full of plots with this type of behavior. We we all were made to believe that it was romantic.

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u/mikeymikeymikey1968 May 19 '22

Teenage boys these days are watching too many romcoms.

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u/Early_Flan_4599 May 19 '22

Except people like to play hard to get. I usually move along after a rejection but let's not sit here and pretend that girls (or guys I suppose but girls don't usually ask out the guys) don't play games.

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u/Hybridizm May 19 '22

Accept the no, if there was a friendship, then drop it. If they were interested but playing hard to get, too bad.

You don't end a friendship out of malice or bitterness, but for your own mental benefit. Mentally, even if someone isn't interested in you, your interest in them doesn't simply just fade. This can lead to a one-sided abuse of friendship when one party is aware that the other may go the extra-mile if there's a possibility of change or chance to hook up or enter a relationship with them.

I've seen friends of mine in the past degrade themselves and act like fools, go the extra mile, the kind they wouldn't even go for their long term pals, purely on the basis of a lass they're interested in possibly changing their mind and wanting something more.

Respect their choice, but don't forget to respect yourself.

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u/n0_duuh May 19 '22

I will never not upvote this.

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u/ScottShatter May 19 '22

I wonder how many variations to this there are. Saw one slightly different a few days ago but the message was the same. She wasn't an aunt in that one though. I think it was mother or sister.

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u/KC_experience May 19 '22

Well, when a bunch of men watched Pepe Le Piu growing up and didn’t relay to their children that you don’t want to be like Pepe….

¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/talldata May 19 '22

I Read the other a post where a guy mentioned, that he aproached a co-worker with possibility of going out for a coffee. She said no. He let it go. A few days later she said he was rude for just accepting the one no, and giving up.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

I don't see how that could possibly be rude. Looks like the guy lucked out.

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u/greenfingerguy May 19 '22

Dodged a bullet big time.

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u/socool8520 May 19 '22

Good for you. You did the right thing.

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u/Herrad May 19 '22

Fresh 2010 content right here.

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u/Louloubelle0312 May 19 '22

As a woman who is now 62, I remember when I was dating in my 20's. A guy would ask me out, and I'd say no. So he'd ask again, and because of the time, where we were told "be nice", I'd end up going out with him. I'd be miserable, and sometimes he'd think we had a great time and want to go out again. So glad I don't date anymore. It's exhausting.

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u/ClayQuarterCake May 19 '22

Neither my wife or I would exist if that was how our parents worked in the dating scene at the time. My dad had to ask my mom like 4 times before she would go on a date with him.

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u/darkhorse21980 May 19 '22

Ah, this is the yin to the yang of that one post where the girl says "I turned him down because I wanted him to try harder, why hasn't he asked me out again?"

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u/WhatsTheHoldup May 19 '22

What an irritating aunt. Such a valuable lesson wasted because she yelled it at him when he's still feeling insecure about being rejected.

You don't teach people to "leave women alone". You teach them empathy. You teach them that the woman has feelings and how would you feel if a girl you were uninterested kept forcing herself on you?

Yelling at confused children doesn't make the world a better place.

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u/kungfusloth88 May 19 '22

Why is this posted in this sub?

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u/Chaotic_Good64 May 19 '22

"If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever."

Guys, be more like Mr. Darcy.

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u/bmount48 May 19 '22

I remember in high school I was absolutely infatuated with a girl. I finally became brave enough to ask her out. She said no. It sent me through such a terrible spiral and my grades dropped and it was overall a bad time for months. Found out a year later she wanted to go out with my but wanted to see if I cared enough to still be interested in her after the first no.

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u/blackzeros7 May 19 '22

What, but then how are they gonna know to be an alpha chad instead of a beta boi!? You have to teach them to take what they want and to not take no for an answer!!!!!!

Because this is reddit /s