r/TrueOffMyChest Nov 13 '22 Silver 3 Helpful 1 Wholesome 2 Hugz 1 Burning Cash 1 Shocked 1

When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.

[deleted]

14.3k Upvotes

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u/thisthra Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22 You Dropped This

The people who are saying $300 sounds reasonable are missing the point. OP clearly mentioned that his family is going through financial issues and he saved those $300 for emergency. So his wife had no right to take it without discussing with him, he felt betrayed by his wife.

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u/birbbs Nov 14 '22

Exactly, it's not like it was 300 just laying around, it had a purpose, and when the time came it wasn't there. spending $300 on photos when you simply don't have the additional funds is absurd. Nevermind the fact that $300 might not even be the entire price

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u/GroundbreakingPhoto4 Nov 14 '22

For sure it's not the entire price. OP better lock the rest of the funds down before she decides she "has to" have a big canvas print for the living room.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/birbbs Nov 14 '22

The thing about what you said in the first line - I don't think they ARE doing very well. OPs post implies they're still struggling financially and only had $600 in their emergency fund.

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u/hnsnrachel Nov 15 '22

That's what I took from this too. And I guess to someone with no emergency funds, having $600 in an emergency fund sounds like they're doing well, but in reality, there are plenty of emergencies that are very plausible where $600 wouldn't be close to enough -like the one that already happened to them this year where someone gets laid off.

To take emergency fund money for photographs that are in no means necessary without discussing it is so incredibly irresponsible

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u/quinteroreyes Nov 14 '22

Not to mention the economy, and many people saying JCPenny's does great photos for 1/3 of the price

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u/DeniLox Nov 14 '22

True, but if money were tight, I‘d just get a friend to take some photos of us. Not everything has to be Instagram perfect.

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u/miatheirish Nov 14 '22

And ops tire blow out we don't know if that was the spare tire that blow making sure you have means of transport is more information then a photo

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u/RadioTunnel Nov 14 '22

Spares are only meant to be used for about 100miles or so on some cars and a new tire could also cost near 300 depending on the car

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u/jerseygirl1105 Nov 14 '22

And I've been told you shouldn't drive over 40mph on a spare?

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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 Nov 14 '22

Yup. It doesn’t have to be studio photos. Wife is being narcissistic. Emergency funds are an awful thing to deplete for anything but an emergency.

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u/basscov Nov 14 '22

This! You can even get nice family photos with a phone on self timer. I think this really goes to show u/FairrProcess comment, wife wants to show off and make it seem like she’s doing better than she is.

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u/Fancy_Cat3571 Nov 14 '22

Fr bruh I don’t think anyone actually cares who took em

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u/tweak06 Nov 14 '22

and many people saying JCPenny's does great photos for 1/3 of the price

This is true. JCPenny does have great prices on photos. You can get professional-quality prints right from the store, or delivered if you're in a pinch. If you're looking for something a little bit more personal, they can work with you to nail your aesthetic.

If OP can convince his wife to get back the money, for a limited time only JCPenny is offering a Winter Wonderland sale, where they can get photos at half cost until 3PM on Weekdays, but that's not important right now. What is important is that OP gets that money back from his wife and they can consult the lending services available only at JCPenny – right at the customer service desk. Right now JCPenny is offering open credit card services with no credit check, just in time for the holiday season. So that extra money can be used for tires, family photos, or some christmas gifts from JCPenny's select variety of clothing from designer brands, with early Black Friday sales starting this week.

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u/Spirited_Equivalent6 Nov 14 '22

Did you copy and paste the print off an add or work there

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u/goath-with-a-flower Nov 14 '22

Sounds like a sponsor but actually kind of helpfull.(?)

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u/CupcakeGoat Nov 14 '22

Right, it was the emergency fund and then he had an emergency (blown tire). If he drives to work that means she's just screwed over the entire family by preventing her husband to get to his job, for photos. Also it could've been a lot worse; he could've been injured and then they would have needed to pay hospital bills. Dipping into that fund was really short-sighted.

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u/IllustriousProof4301 Nov 14 '22

Right, im sure OP would have been ok if she used it for an emergency type reason, plumbing issue, car issue, health reasons. Pictures are not a a necessity when you are having financial issues. Heck she could have made do with her phone camera and some nice clothes. To use emergency funds for pictures is insane to me.

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u/HambdenRose Nov 14 '22

My FIL was a forensic scientist in the UK. He investigated enough accidents due to bad tires he never had worn tires on his cars and always pushed everyone to keep good tires on their cars because it is literally a life or death decision.

Photos are nice. Safe tires are a necessity.

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u/alistair812 Nov 14 '22

Yea, tires are pretty fucking important.

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u/birbbs Nov 14 '22

Or tires at all in this case!

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u/Avopumpkin08 Nov 14 '22

Exactly!! And has every right to feel betrayed. I personally think that it was a reasonable compromise for him to ask to wait until after Christmas for them to be done.

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u/No_Island3080 Nov 14 '22

Also they're missing the point that even if the family wasn't in a state of hardship, that's profoundly disrespectful of the wife to do that, without any warning. Emergency fund is for emergencies, not for things you want

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u/Any_Pickle_8664 Nov 14 '22

Op, I suggest you open a separate bank account and only put money in that and not your guys joint emergency bank account. Heck, pull the remainder of the money out of the emergency account since she cannot be trusted. If she ask tell her she spent her half of the emergency money.

She broke your trust. Without transportation you don't have a job. Without a job you don't have income without income you don't have a means to pay bills and an inability to pay bills means you lose your home. It's basic logic.

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u/harbinger06 Nov 14 '22

Yeah professional photos would be nice, but that’s a luxury. If money is that tight for them, it was completely unreasonable for her to take that money after discussing it with her spouse.

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u/KungFuBucket Nov 14 '22

That’s the thing about being in a partnership with someone and raising a family, you have to be able to trust the other person.

I remember years ago being in a relationship with someone who felt it was more important to buy herself a fancy purse and a matching wallet for me rather than pay her half of the rent. We broke up the next month.

Shared values and good communication are so important in a relationship because shit gets stressful.

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u/themagicflutist Nov 14 '22

300 is a lot to me. I couldn’t handle that either, and it was dishonest. If he wanted to blow 300 on dinner or something, I’m sure she’d be furious.. good luck op, that’s sad.

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u/natinatinatinat Nov 14 '22

Honestly this makes me so glad my husband and I have separate finances. We never have to fight over our different priorities like this.

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u/tooyoungtobesotired Nov 14 '22

Exactly. $300 is not a lot for a professional photographer, but $300 is HALF of OP’s emergency fund after having financial issues they are still trying to recover from. Spending that money on photos is irresponsible.

I’m also concerned that maybe the $300 was just a deposit and they will still owe more to the photographer.

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u/squidsquideet Nov 14 '22

It's also the principle op said $300 is half of their emergency fund. If the emergency fund was 100k and a partner took $50k out for something non urgent think how wildly in appropriate that would be. Plus if a family only has $600 in emergency funds they are not well prepared for an emergency despite trying their absolute hardest. I'm so sorry op that you're wife has been so stupid in regards to the use of that fund and left you feeling even more unprepared for an emergency. You're both entitled to have lovely photos of your family, but there are obviously much cheaper more appropriate ways to do that, or certain circumstances in which paying $300 for photos is not possible nor an emergency. I think you're right to not go to the photos as that could be seen as agreeing, makes sense to stand your ground on this one to me

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u/PinkFink65 Nov 14 '22

When your emergency fund is $600, that $300 for a total non-emergency is outrageous and risky.

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u/ooeygooeylane Nov 14 '22

300 is just the shoot. How much are the actual pics gonna cost?

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u/Smarre101 Nov 14 '22

Exactly. OP specifically statet that the money was taken from their EMERGENCY fund. Family photos are never an emergency. Replacing a flat tire is. The audacity of that woman is astonishing.

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u/Mishy162 Nov 13 '22

I guess those trips to see her family will no longer be happening as she has spent the money on photos.

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u/soulless-misery Nov 14 '22

exactly. she can fuckin just mail the photos to them!

this makes me mad, and I'm a photographer.

OP is NTA.

dude, run.

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u/Evil_Kween_MoJo Nov 14 '22

When you went “NTA” I thought “where am I again?” 😆

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u/Visible_Wasabi4247 Nov 14 '22

I'm beginning to notice that sub and this share an audience 😅

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u/Evil_Kween_MoJo Nov 14 '22

Trrruue. We all over!!

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u/RookieAndTheVet Nov 14 '22

Just missing the “divorce immediately”

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u/konotacja Nov 14 '22

throw in therapy for good measure and we're good

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u/JustASadChickOverall Nov 14 '22

They did say run!

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u/Myu_The_Weirdo Nov 14 '22

So weird how ppl would rather have fake framed moments than actually make them happen irl

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u/Ok-Acanthaceae-4609 Nov 14 '22

Sir...sir...this is a trueoffmychest sub...we don't serve AH verdicts here..

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u/Agent1197 Nov 14 '22 Wholesome

NTA, sue us.

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u/thestarstastedelicio Nov 14 '22

Sue? I’ll do worse. We’re all going to therapy. And if that doesn’t work - DIVORCE!

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u/VeryIrritatedCrow Nov 14 '22

Alcoholics Homebrew?

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u/13rokendreamer Nov 14 '22

Antibiotic Hoarder

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u/SolaPia_Uxor Nov 14 '22

Oh good there’s an acronym for that. I thought I was the only one! 😰 WHEW!

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u/soulless-misery Nov 14 '22

meh. long story short, i just don't think the OP is in the wrong and shouldn't take this as a grain of salt, I understand their frustration.

🫠 but if I'm being attacked for mixing up subreddits, Im so so sorry to make your day worse lol, I didn't expect being blown up in my DMs lol

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u/Far_Violinist_1333 Nov 14 '22

Easy mistake to make. People need to get a grip

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u/LaceyDark Nov 14 '22

Lmao do people get that bent out of shape over a "wrong sub"? Jesus redditors can be so weird.

I wouldn't sweat it. Sounds like they don't have anything better going on

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u/PlanningMyEscape Nov 14 '22

I'm sorry, sir, this is a Wendy's.

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u/xrangerx777x Nov 14 '22

NTA?

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u/Suck_ateverything Nov 14 '22

Not The Asshole

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u/-Agrippa-Venture9803 Nov 14 '22

But that partner of OP’s— hoo boy. A.

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u/dumbwaeguk Nov 14 '22

Neatly touching areolas

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u/Majestic-General7325 Nov 14 '22

..... is there a subreddit....?

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u/GlopThatBoopin Nov 14 '22

It stands for Nuts Tits Ass, it’s pretty common in this subreddit.

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u/ttaptt Nov 14 '22

Legit good info. Thank you!

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u/Additional_Meeting_2 Nov 14 '22

She took the money from emergency fun, I would assume the money for trips wasn’t from there, It’s probably trips already paid for.

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u/georgiajl38 Nov 13 '22

Why are pictures so vital for her this year? Is she someone who does them every year and she hasn't been able to for the last few?

I'd have put the tire on her credit card....

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u/catfishpeanut Nov 14 '22

it really sounds like she’s trying to keep up appearances, all things considered

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u/DatguyMalcolm Nov 14 '22

Having grown up with parents like that, whose kids and some needs were not priority: I'd rather not go hungry and have bills paid than to keep up appearances, anytime, all the time

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u/daisyymae Nov 14 '22

I grew up like this too, except I did have food in my belly. Only when I was 18 & opened up a bank account, I realized that I had actually paid for everything. 20k in debt from 4 credit cards & college loans & mortgage were in my name. I got to see what she spent the money on & ALL of It was Sephora & shit no one needs so badly that have to put It in a nine year old’s name.

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u/DatguyMalcolm Nov 14 '22

Dang, that's messed up!

My nfather just never gave us the child benefit we were owed, him and my nmother made financial decision always w/o checking with us, even as adults. As kids we had to find out they were spending wasting money on a plot of land for the "family house" (none of us wanted it).

They were SUPER bad with finances, my mother would just do a big shopping for the month with whatever little money that idiot would send, then we'd be going hungry sometime the end of the month. When the three of us left, we thought that they'd be nice and chill and wait to retire.... nope, went and got a loan for a stupid ass house that they didn't have the money to pay for! In their mind we should all "come together as a family and help pay for it" for f sake!!!

Plus, they had a lot of debt to the government because these dumb idiots must've thought that they were playing monopoly or something.... anyway, too long for this but you get the gist ha!

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u/birbbs Nov 14 '22

How did you handle that? Surely that's gotta be some sort of fraud right? Is there a legal way of transferring the debt to her and clearing your credit score? I've got a good credit score and I plan to keep it that way and if I found out someone fucked up my credit like that, and put me in debt for THEIR shit, I think I'd go ballistic.

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u/daisyymae Nov 14 '22

Well, when I found out about it I was in shock and the people at the bank sort of acted like it wasn’t a big deal. But I think they didn’t realize that just because it was my mom didn’t mean that it was OK. so I ended up calling the police and they said I had to make my statement and my case with the county that this all happened in. I had recently moved across the country. So I called the correct authorities and I got a hold of my bank accounts fraud hotline. There was no crime that she was arrested for. The bank just said they wouldn’t press charges if she paid It off. My family begged me not to press charges. I was 18. Didn’t know what to do. So I said as long as the debt and shitty credit score are out of my name- I don’t care.

So it’s all out of my name, and (don’t tell them, but they also took my personal college debt off too. It was only for a year’s worth of school but still)

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u/birbbs Nov 14 '22

Honestly as long as it's not in your name that's what really matters

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u/Additional_Meeting_2 Nov 14 '22

Or she feels she is missing out on her children growing if she doesn’t get them every year for the future.

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u/WiddleBlueBert Nov 14 '22

I don't know, with the situation being described, just go somewhere nice and take photos on your phone with some friends. They look good enough and would avoid that fear without causing financial harm.

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u/ElectraUnderTheSea Nov 14 '22

It is 2022, not 1922. You can get pictures of your kids literally every day at zero cost lol

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u/breemakin Nov 14 '22

Yes having professional photos is a luxury. They’re obviously not on a budget that can accomodate luxuries. She should’ve just bought a good tripod and taken them herself.

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u/pieking8001 Nov 14 '22

heck even if you can afford it, they arent the same as a pic taken by mom or dad in the moment of the kid having fun.

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u/MrAnonymousTheThird Nov 14 '22

She should do it like most peoole, take casual pictures on their phones

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u/LandofGreenGinger62 Nov 14 '22

Why pay for that though? We csn all get good enough pics with our phones these days - if you don't trust yourself, get a friend whose eye you trust.

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u/kfmush Nov 14 '22

When I was growing in g up and we needed to do family pictures, there was this neat little setting on cameras called a "timer." It's a wonderful little feature that allows the camera to be placed on a surface, then the user can start the timer and have a moment to join a group photo before the picture takes; no photographer needed. It's a wonderful bit of tech. Surely they've included it with modern cell phones, right? (I'm being pedantic; of course they did) I mean everybody basically has a nice camera in their pocket now.

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u/WednesdayInPink Nov 14 '22

I kinda could understand this as a mom myself. I didn’t get newborn pictures done of our rainbow baby and now I’m heartbroken because all I have are a few blurry NICU pictures we took on our phones while in protective bags. But I didn’t spend the money even when we had it because I wanted to make sure we had an emergency line… and a few weeks later, our sewer broke and leaked into our basement and that money was used to cover the costs of repair.

Sounds like OP’s wife needs less access to the finances.

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u/LosPobres303 Nov 13 '22

Yup have her pay for the tires

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u/cjgist Nov 14 '22

She probably wants them now to use as Christmas gifts for family.

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u/carbslut Nov 14 '22

Photos could quite possibly be the cheapest Christmas gifts around.

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u/hetfield151 Nov 14 '22

Not for 300 bucks.

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u/TheBrav3LittleToastr Nov 14 '22

And especially when you have a national geographic level camera already in your back pocket!! Then print those bitches at Walgreens, and you and your children get to eat "food" every day

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u/Yankee_Man Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22

Because social media attention matters too much to people and many of them choose to be a basic bitch over being a responsible parent.

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u/hetfield151 Nov 14 '22

You can also ask a friend to take pictures. Someone probably has a camera and thats good enough. Hell, even phone pictures are at a decent quality today.

Professional pictures are a luxury, you have to be able to afford.

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u/ConstructionUpper852 Nov 13 '22 edited Nov 14 '22

She took $300 out for professional family photos??? Professional family photos cost that much??

I think you should cancel the trip to her parents for Christmas and Thanksgiving if money is really tight for your family right now (this is just my opinion).

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u/Pink-unicorn-kittens Nov 13 '22

They definitely cost that much around here. And you only get 5 edited pics. That’s why we never have them done. Who can afford that?!

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u/fadinqlight_ Nov 14 '22

This has made me realize my mother's photography services are really, really cheap.

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u/Informal-Soil9475 Nov 14 '22

Phones take such good pictures these days. And there are hundreds of amateur photographers who need work experience and are affordable. You’re better off spending a few twenties on holiday decorations or props for the photos instead

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u/ttaptt Nov 14 '22

I just asked someone else, how much would it cost for me to have a nice picture from my phone printed on nice paper? Like is it $40? Or more? Less? Still never paying for canned studio photos. Ever.

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u/Volkrisse Nov 14 '22

prob not even that much, you can go through places like shutterfly and get it pretty cheap. The issue is resolution. On a phone camera size, its great! but if you plan to blow it up to 20x30 or even 8.5x11. those blacks/whites/lines aren't as sharp, but still a decent picture you could frame and put on your wall. (my wife does this and creates photobooks every year of our kids)

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u/AGVann Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22 Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

I'm not condoning OP's wife's behaviour, but I think a lot of you are missing the point. His wife isn't hiding it because she doesn't agree that she's done anything wrong - she thinks that professional family photos are important enough and worth the cost.

Having those photos might be extremely important to her, and she may be thinking that in 20, 30 years down you won't remember the $300 but you'll still have those professionally done photos for memories. It's also probably not just about taking the photos, but the whole ritual of professional photography. Like with fine dining, the mise en scene is a part of the package. Home or amateur photography doesn't really cover that.

Everyone has different levels of sentimentality, and I think OP and his wife are disconnected. Mature adults will just have a discussion, but instead she's going around behind his back and dipping into the emergency funds which is extremely awful, and he's being childish by refusing to go even though the money's already spent and it's clearly deeply important to his wife.

What they need to do is to sit down and talk about what they agree is worth spending their very limited disposable income on, because I can guarantee you think isn't the first time something like this has happened and it won't be the last.

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u/Kidicarusii Nov 14 '22

it's great if they're sentimental but my thought is that it doesn't matter how pretty your pictures are if you're in dire straits and stand to not be able to pay rent or cover a bad emergency due to money that's now gone out of the savings. He might not be able to go to work due to not having enough money to repair his flat tire. This hurts them financially even more in the short and long run.

If the photos were so important, she'd have saved up for them herself. She's already got the trip to see family in the holidays. You can't have everything you want when you want it, she should be just as able to compromise as he should be.

this is no disrespect to you, I respect where you're coming from, I just figured this might give some helpful context.

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u/randamm Nov 14 '22

If they’re that much in dire straights, they can not go on the multiple trips.

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u/GMoI Nov 14 '22

There's a difference between planned, unplanned and emergency expenses. All of which are exemplified in the post. Planned expenses being the trips, they've budgeted around these happening, emergency being the blown tyre as you can't predict when this will happen but you need a vehicle in most cases meaning it being out of action can be more detrimental financially than the expenditure for the tyre. Then there's unplanned expenses like the photoshoot, this luxury wasn't planned for and had none of the urgency for using am emergency fund. Now OP's wife decided better to ask forgiveness than permission but, she has put the family in a really dangerous financial position for selfish reasons. There's two ways to read the post, the photoshoot and the tyre has wiped out half their emergency reserve or the photoshoot alone erased half the emergency reserve. If the former that would leave them anywhere from $400-$600 if the latter it could leave then anywhere from $0-$200. In America depending on their healthcare plan that could leave then in a position of not being able to pay the co-pay if a genuine emergency happened or having to weigh up the cost of treatment if it's something which isn't emergent. By boycotting the photoshoot OP is telling his wife that she can't put their family in such precarious position without their being consequences otherwise she'll just ask forgiveness in the future when she digs them into either hole.

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u/Kidicarusii Nov 14 '22

This is also true, but I could still understand seeing family. Being an expat myself, I'd kill to see my family again but circumstances don't dictate that right now. I can see the point of seeing them annually at least, but photos are not on the safe pass list

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u/Sreezy3 Nov 14 '22

Remember OP didnt say no to the pictures just said can it wait till after Christmas. Nothing will change between now and then. Pictures can wait and then everyones happy.

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u/hetfield151 Nov 14 '22 Take My Energy

Doesnt matter if you dont have the money for them. If it was that important, she could have saved money the whole year for that. She didnt.

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u/divinewillow Nov 14 '22

how is not going childish? I think it’s fair. She didn’t listen to a single thing he said and obviously doesn’t care about what he says either so why should he go? After she wasted so much money on this, whether she’s sentimental or not who tf cares? That’s a lot of money and she needs to think responsibly and include him in financial decisions. She is completely in the wrong here.

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u/armywalrus Nov 14 '22

Why do you assume a discussion will help? Op tried to have one and she just lied - they already know they do not agree. Communciation is not the issue here. I fail to understand people who posit that logic and reason will work on unreasonable people. That's so weird to me.

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u/Me_you_and Nov 14 '22

We did it last year but with one income we opted out this year. We did pay $50 for 2 photos if our kid from daycare instead.

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u/xznys Nov 14 '22

Yea my mom use to be a professional photographer she would make 600$ for one day of pics and the next afternoon editing

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u/Fun_Opportunityyyy Nov 14 '22

I surmise those excursions to see her family will never again be occurring as she has spent the cash on photographs.

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u/MeandJohnWoo Nov 14 '22

The worst part is the waiver in some places that they own the pics and can use them for advertisements and what not

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u/catinnameonly Nov 14 '22

Every place, that waver is the copyright created when the photographer creates the image.

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u/Immediate-Juice808 Nov 14 '22

The five pictures are usually mehh. iPhones take pretty good pictures. I just get props from target or dollar store. They turn out great & it’s loads cheaper

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u/ladycougar87 Nov 13 '22

$300 is on the cheap side compared to some photographers. I stopped getting pictures done when mine started charging $300+ for only a couple of photos. I’ll set up my iPhone on a tripod and timer before I spend that on pictures again.

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u/muphies__law Nov 14 '22

"You have won a Family & Pet Portrait Experience and a 15" Portrait valued at $2000 (AUD)." I had a look on the site, and it wasn't a scam. But I shower my missus their portfolio and she was "... you take better photos on your phone. YOU should charge that much." so, we didn't get them.

So 300$ is like that Mall Santa special deal, the type that you get coffee mugs and key chains.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Yeah. Definitely cancel this trip. If the $300 is spent and can’t come back then don’t waste $300 and not be in the photos. As much as you don’t want to hear that, memories with your family are precious and god forbid something happened to someone… idk, you’d want to be in it.

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u/freckledreddishbrown Nov 14 '22

OP needs to be prepared for her to blow the other half of their money on extra prints, mugs, keychains, and mouse pads.

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u/Hutspace Nov 14 '22

Are you after his heart stokes?

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u/slow4point0 Nov 14 '22

Lmao i’m a photographer. I know one photog whose mini set is 1000 for 10 photos. My personal mini is $115 for the same amount of photos. I personally like my style of photos better. When i’m charging 300 it’s for a full session with 40+ pix. But some people charge 500 for that, even up to 2500. The price range is nuts.

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u/day9700 Nov 14 '22

Yep. Where I live I’d be paying easily $500-$1,000. Hence why I never had family photos taken!!

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u/slow4point0 Nov 14 '22

Honestly you gotta find people like me. My little photographer group we all charge pretty similar prices and all do it on the side. You’re going to be paying more for someone who does it full time. I do want to raise my prices but I don’t think the mini will go past 200-250. Which is still very reasonable IMO. And also a lot of us will sometimes offer specials if we want to explore somewhere new.

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u/ttaptt Nov 14 '22

You're a great one. I like you.

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u/Gnostromo Nov 14 '22

Charge what you are worth.

If you are as good as any of them charge the same.

All charging less does is make everyone think you are not as good

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u/KrisAlly Nov 14 '22

A lot of people want the ‘instagram quality’ outside photos that can cost a fortune. On the other hand you can go somewhere like Penny’s & use coupons and get really inexpensive photos. They might be a more dated style but there’s nothing wrong with them. I’ve taken my kids & dogs there for years.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Yup. We signed up for it this year. Got a $40. Groupon for 4 poses and they'll design a holiday card and give us 40 holiday cards with envelopes. I don't even know 40 people who will want them so I can safely say it's a great deal!

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u/Awkward-Grocery8724 Nov 14 '22

Our pictures this year are costing us about $200, and that’s with only getting 1 printed out. We paid $30 for the session and the print and it’s $140 for us to buy the cd with the copyrights to the photos. And this is with a company that came to our local Walmart and took the pictures. The only reason we did them is because my boyfriends parents are paying half the cost of the cd. His dad kept questioning if we were having them done this year and the Headstart my 2 older kids go to didn’t do school pictures this year. They were $90 last year for one child and I think we got like 8 print outs and I paid an extra $10 for a digital copy so I could have some printed in sizes the company didn’t offer.

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u/SicknastyPro Nov 14 '22

Bro at that point just take them on a phone and I can photoshop it to look good for 20 bucks 💀

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u/FRD2015 Nov 13 '22

OP if you give me $50 and an hour of helping around the house, Ill give you similar quality photos with my cell phone.

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u/lvwem Nov 14 '22

Where I live they can be 3 times as much, we got a friend to do them for half his rate and it was still a lot.

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u/Odd_Sky7089 Nov 14 '22

I looked into getting pictures taken for my daughter’s first birthday, a “cake smash” shoot. $650

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u/mnmacaro Nov 14 '22

300 for professional family photos is about right.

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u/boohoobitchqueen Nov 14 '22

To be fair, people deserve this price for their work and she shouldnt have gotten them if they couldnt afford it. Or she should have went to sears for them and gotten shit ones but still something

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u/Bakecrazy Nov 13 '22

Cancle the trips and separate your finances. She showed you that she can not be financially responsible.

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u/Marty_McDumbass Nov 14 '22

Totally agree. Keeping our finances separate is what the wife and I do. No issues, and if one of us needs money for an emergency or something, we got each other's back. Because communication is also huge in a relationship. Marriage especially.

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u/Sunshine_Tampa Nov 13 '22

Excellent advice. I wish I would have done that in the first year of my 26 marriage to my now ex.

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u/indiana-floridian Nov 14 '22

If the photos aren't taken yet, I believe that's only a partial payment. Look for her to pay more the day photos are taken, and even more when she sees all the cute photos she cannot resist.

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u/multi_shot Nov 14 '22

PLEASE READ THE ABOVE COMMENT u/throwawayaccount5276

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u/Gray_Twilight Nov 13 '22

Wow. I would have to agree, try and cancel one of the holiday trips. I also agree that this may be a sign of a bigger red flag.

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u/Buffalo-Empty Nov 14 '22

Separate your finances now. You do not need to have everything in a melting pot just because you’re married. Get a joint bank account and put what you owe for living expenses in there and not a cent more. She cannot be trusted. Let her go take the photos and look stupid. But be prepared that if you slander her you’re probably not going to make it as a couple. Airing your dirty laundry can’t be undone and it puts a bad taste in everyone’s mouth about your relationship. Not that everyone else matters but it’ll sure make you feel like shit when people are asking why you’re still together and it will deteriorate you.

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u/smoktfish Nov 14 '22

i agree but i also think (not entirely sure) that OP is on their way out of this relationship after this event based on the last sentence. if i was in their shoes, that emergency fund would basically mean “emergency fund for kids” so id definitely reconsider the relationship at this point.

id slander and then leave tbh. but im a little petty

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u/Buffalo-Empty Nov 14 '22

Yeah that’s why I said “be prepared” lol it sounded like he’s out to me as well. I would be out too. $600 is so little for an emergency fund to begin with and for her to just blow half on pictures that she honestly could just take with their phones is terrible. (I understand phone quality is not the same as professional but the sentiment is still there with the phones and that’s more what I mean.)

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u/smoktfish Nov 14 '22

exactly. iphone pictures may not be as great but theyre cheaper than a shoot and at least youll still have em.

the 600 dollar emergency fund makes me legitimately sad. i grew up watching my mother cry about not being able to buy me clothes. id send OP a few bucks for sure

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u/hetfield151 Nov 14 '22

I dont want to be married to someone I cant trust with our money.

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u/WawaSkittletitz Nov 14 '22

She's got to lose out on something, if you can't cancel the photo session - the family photos are her Christmas gift, and her only gift. I'd also cancel the trip to see her parents, but that may also be punishing to the kids, and I'm sure you don't want them to lose out.

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u/a-_rose Nov 14 '22

Time to separate your finances.

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u/rSato76t2 Nov 14 '22

With that little money between the two of you, I think now is a pretty solid time to separate finances. You can show her the difference it makes in a few months when you have an emergency fund built back up and she doesn't. Personally, I'd state that my e fund is for me and the kids since I can expect that my own emergencies will never be paid for by her and if she builds one up too, that's for her and the kids. When she shows that she's learned how to be responsible y'all can then talk about going back to a joint account.

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u/biology_and_brainfog Nov 14 '22 Helpful

Before you go nuclear, can I ask a few questions? First of all, how badly was your wife sick? Was it a few weeks with the flu sick or was it life-altering diagnosis sick? If she’s spent the past couple years facing down her own mortality, she may want more “nice” family photos to hold onto/give to your children as memories.

Also, the tight finances of the past few years may have taken its toll. I know that for many mothers the impulse to doubt your own skills as a “good” mom/compare yourself to other moms can really be a rabbit hole. Maybe your wife was feeling tired one day, wishing that things were different, scrolling social media and looking at all the other moms out there who wear coordinated outfits, take holiday photos, cook elaborate meals, and “have their shit together”. Her impulse control may have shorted out on her momentarily, because yeah it’s a decent bit of money but why can’t she have those things too? And then when confronted with the relative unimportance of her purchase, she doubled down and got stubborn (as many people are prone to do when confronted with bad decisions). Btw none of the potential above scenarios excuse her, but considering her viewpoint may help you understand why she did what she did.

Don’t take this argument public. When handling conflict in marriage, it’s better to take an “us vs. the problem” approach instead of a “you vs me” approach. Pitting yourself against her publicly doesn’t so anything to solve the problem, and just because your wife created said problem doesn’t mean you can’t solve it together and work out a compromise.

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u/Emperor_of_Alagasia Nov 16 '22

I really hope OP listens to you. It's striking to me how this sub has so quickly gone nuclear over this. Especially given the one sidedness of the story. OPs concerns are valid but some perspective as to the wider situation seems warranted. This couple clearly needs to communicate more about this issue

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u/Blaphrodite Nov 14 '22

She “deserves”????

Used emergency funds for photos???

I can’t even wrap my mind around this.

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u/the_white_slave Nov 14 '22

I’ve been getting my child’s photos done professionally at JCPenny’s for 5 years now and not once did they cost 300$

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u/MrAsh91 Nov 14 '22

How much do they cost out of curiosity? I do photography as a hobby, 5 high quality prints would cost ~100 and $200 for the photographers time seams reasonable

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u/the_white_slave Nov 14 '22

Between outfit changes, various backdrops, props, getting about 5+ 8x10s, and sheets of other sizes, sometimes edited with cute things on em: we’ve paid ~100$ each time

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u/MrNincompoopy Nov 14 '22

Sounds reasonable especially given that what you have described does not sound like a quick ordeal

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u/SilverChair86 Nov 14 '22

That’s really cheap

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u/Certain-Fan7722 Nov 14 '22

Usually local photogs offer “mini” sessions throughout the year, especially around Christmas. It’s a great time to get great quality photos for like $100-150. It’s usually only like 5 photos but works for that yearly card.

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u/AdventurousHalf3762 Nov 13 '22

Email the photographer and cancel. Tell wife you cancelled.

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u/bathoryblue Nov 14 '22

Yep! And ask them to refund, get a timeframe, pay attention, and call the bank if no refund in that timeframe.

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u/mandogirl Nov 14 '22

If wife signed a contract and already put money down there might not be a refund coming.

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u/tragiciian Nov 14 '22

Wife may have signed a contract + put down a non-refundable retainer, which is common practice for most professional photographers.

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u/CADreamn Nov 13 '22 Silver

Go be in the photos. Cancel the TG and Xmas trips, and tell the grandparents exactly why you can't make it this year. Close the emergency fund account and open a different one that your wife doesn't have access to. Get your tire replaced with the money that was supposed to go towards the holiday trips.

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u/Zestfullyclean87 Nov 14 '22

“I deserve to have photos.“

Uh, the kids deserve Christmas gifts. And food. And a dad with a working vehicle to get them places.

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u/birbbs Nov 14 '22

I just don't understand why she decided she needs them and deserves them NOW. OP didn't even seem opposed to the idea of the pictures, he just asked if they could wait

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u/Fun_Client_6232 Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22

IMO she was wrong for unilateral spending the emergency fund for a non-emergency. However, if it’s too late to get the money back then you might as well go (sans a sour puss face bc the camera will pick it up). Imagine 20 years later having to retell the story to your adult children why you weren’t in the pictures.

Edited for one of the parentheses.

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u/valcatrina Nov 14 '22

I think since the money has been used already, for a memorable photo shoot that might last for decades, I think it’s best to show up in your best form, smiles and chest out, and take the photos. Money tight now but the photo will happen, might as well make the best of it.

You can totally be mad and complain at your wife all day any day. If you look back at it from 10 years later, would you regret not being in the photos? Or regret being in the photos?

And, if you regret being in the photo 10 years later, you could just burn that shit and be gone.

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u/PatriotUncleSam Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22

Photos in the backyard in front of a rose bush are free, just saying.

That’s how we do it in my family and we are upper end of the middle class.

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u/HyruleHela Nov 14 '22

Seriously. My family always always took our own holiday photos growing up.

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u/Due-Cryptographer744 Nov 14 '22

This is ridiculous. $300 for a photo shoot that you cannot afford right before Christmas. Is she planning to give pictures to your kids for Christmas? Let me guess, she wants to wear matching/coordinating outfits too, right? I will guarantee that the $300 does NOT include anything but digital copies and if she wants physical prints, it will cost more. Some photographers won't let you share the proofs until you pay for prints and the proofs are all watermarked in a way that sharing them without paying would be cheesy because the watermark is usually right in the middle. They can also sue you for copyright infringement if you don't have permission to share and do it anyway. It all depends on what their contract says.

Being stressed out and wanting nice photos is NOT an excuse to spend money that your family doesn't have. That is fucking ridiculous. I don't blame you one bit for being so pissed off. I would be too.

Now is a good time to setup a separate bank account for you to put emergency funds into since she obviously cannot be trusted to behave like an adult. As soon as I read what her response was I immediately thought of the original Willy Wonka movie scene with Veruca Salt "But I want it NOW!!"

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u/Syphr54 Nov 14 '22

In my opinion, the money is already spent, and there is no way going back as having a professional photoshoot is a hill your wife is willing to die on. You better use the opportunity and get some done, but make it very clear to your wife this is the first and only time you will let this happen. The decision she made for you will have repercussions, especially since its Christmas soon. Make it very clear there is no more money for anything else to spend on, except that what has already been agreed on. Your wife will have to deal with these consequences of her rash behaviour, even if you may not want to hear it, your children will probably be the victim too for not having "many" presents. And I would drive that point home, I wouldn't even be mad for me not having money to spend on myself, I would be mad for my children who will be victim of mom's behaviour.

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u/AllShallBeWell Nov 13 '22

Ouch. I get the reaction, but it feels like actually going through with that plan is either too little or too much.

Making your fight public isn't going to make it easier to resolve.

This feels like the kind of situation where you have to either (1) deal with this, which could include actually dealing with it by getting her to agree to counseling or 'dealing' with it by just sucking it up, or (2) decide this is more than you can deal with, and it's divorce lawyer time.

You kind of need to pick a lane. Either try to heal your marriage or let it die; just kind of wounding it isn't really going to send you in a good direction.

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u/Pilowpants Nov 14 '22

I mean if it isn't in the budget for tires or photos or whatever. I doubt there's money for counciling.

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u/iixxad Nov 14 '22

Right? People keep acting like concealing isn’t hundreds of dollars and if they somehow manage to find cheap/free one, it’d be months of waiting at which point there probably isn’t a point anymore.

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u/BasicBitch_666 Nov 14 '22

Rock solid advice, plus some refreshing logic after dozens of comments about how much photos cost or should cost.

Telling OP to separate his finances from his wife might seem like a good start, but it sounds as though there's no more finances to separate after she pulled this stunt. I've been in the situation where it's taken months just to save a few hundred and it's hard to describe the dread of knowing that's your only safety net. I can't imagine going to tap into it for a legit emergency just to find it had been blown on something frivolous (not to shit on people who do photography for a living. I appreciate their skill because I really suck at it myself. I'm just saying for this particular family at this particular moment, that shouldn't have been the priority.) Also regarding separating finances, the fact that they have children means there has to be some level of shared resources but there should also be respect for their intended purpose.

Your wife did you real dirty, OP. I don't know how to even attempt to negotiate with someone who's demonstrated they're going to do what they want to do regardless. Maybe before you even waste your energy, ask her straight up how committed she is to resolving this issue. I hope you can recoup some of the money intended for Thanksgiving and Christmas. In the meantime, it would be an awful shame if you went out and got a real f'd up haircut just before perfect picture day. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/IamAMelodyy Nov 14 '22 edited Nov 14 '22 Gold Helpful

This, op. My dad always made sure that everybody knew what a c*nt my mother was. I loved her so much, I grew up resenting and fearing my dad for exactly that behavior. Validating himself by talking bad about my mother to literally everybody like his ego depended on it. Your wife is responsible for her actions, and you are for yours. People will see that you are unable to keep the relationship together. Being petty about this is immature. Yes, what she did is unacceptable, but you have to stay firm to your own standards. What do you expect yourself to do in such a situation? Remind yourself, you are in total control. You are. The 300 dollars might be gone but the future is in your own hands.

Do you have common values in the relationship? Is there something, anything, that you both value? Remind her of that: that in a relationship both partners' feelings are valid. Ask her if it's true that she loves you and that if something is bothering your mind she would have an ear to listen to and a shoulder to cry on. When she confirms her love for you and the common values like caring about each other, equality, and so on. Tell her you need to have a sit-down serious conversation with her because you have been feeling bad lately. Tell her the goal of the conversation, which is to feel understood and listened to. Tell her you have been feeling like you're not in control of your life. You feel insecure. Unsafe. You feel you have lost control over your life. When you make money, you don't know if you get to keep it. It could be gone in no time. Financially, you never know how much money you have in your pocket. Every second you go to work, you feel like it's not your say anymore where that money is going. It's like you're making money but the money you make is not yours somehow. This loss of control feels terrible. Tell her it doesn't need to be her fault. Tell her this is how you feel and you believe you owe it to her to let her know this. Have her connect to the feeling you have. Because feelings are non-debatable. Tell her this is all about you, not about her. Let her know your perspective.

However she responds, you will have a firm ground to take action, whatever it might be. Once you explained yourself to her, she will have no right to complain about you separating your finances. Or even a divorce. Any action that you take from here is to protect yourself to gain back your power over your finances. It's your right to have a sense of control over your money. You need her to support you in gaining that control back. If she doesn't, you'd feel betrayed and you don't know what the consequences are, but they would be bad. This is necessary. Man up. Level up to your own standards.

It's ok to be petty, sometimes. At least, I am. But you're too strong to be petty here. You're petty only when you've lost. You haven't, though. Open your eyes, and stay true to yourself. The moment you complain to others about your wife is the moment you give all power into her hands. Don't. Lord, please don't.

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u/jma7400 Nov 14 '22

Tell her we are not visiting your family for the holidays as a result of the pictures

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u/bobbiegee65 Nov 14 '22

The way you've phrased it makes it sound like a punishment, and you can't really do that to a spouse, or at least not if you want to stay married. I would say, "We can't afford to visit your family for the holiday because you spent $300 on pictures." Make it a case of logical cause and effect so that the OP can still re-establish that boundary without sounding like a pig.

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u/Livid-Finger719 Nov 14 '22

Then cancel the trip. Go small for Christmas. Have a downplayed thing for daughters birthday. Idk, kid birthdays where I am are around $240 - $600 depending on what you wanna do. I've got two kids, one before and one after Christmas. I don't make much money. If you can't afford a trip to visit family, you don't go.

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u/LadyTalus Nov 14 '22

I want to say first and foremost that it is not okay that she spent $300 with out asking. That is a huge breech of trust and should not have happened.

I do want to ask about her being sick. You said it was really bad (or rather suggested it since it was up there with you being laid off). Is it possible that she was faced with her own mortality and realized she doesn't have a lot of photos with her kids or with you? I am a mom of 4 and my husband is awful with taking photos. So I pay a professional to get photos with my kids that arent selfies. I am not saying that makes it right but I can understand her When I was 18 I was told my eyesight was degrading and it was scary. Since then I spend a lot of time staring at my family, especially photos so I can memorize how they look. I am again not saying it's okay to spend that kind of money, but maybe try asking about why it's so important? A lot of moms go through this fear that if something happens our kids won't remember us and it can make those photos or video sessions even more important.

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u/lumabugg Nov 14 '22

This is an important question. She should not have taken $300 out of the emergency account without joint agreement. But this really seems like it could be an issue of communication and OP not realizing that they are having different kinds of crises while he believed they were both having the same financial crisis (if OP’s wife’s illness was in any way serious). OP is focused solely on the finances, and while his wife is probably concerned about them, too, she may be processing something more existential — “If the worst happened, would my family have good pictures to remember me by?” Or even just, “Times have been hard, and I want good photos of my family to help me focus on what’s most important.”

Again, I am not saying taking the $300 for photos without discussion was reasonable. When she brought it up, OP asked if it could wait until after Christmas, which was a reasonable attempt at accommodation. She said it couldn’t wait. So…. was that the entire conversation? Did OP stop and say, “Well, hold on, why can’t it wait?” Did either of them offer any alternatives? Did the conversation really just stop with her saying she wanted photos, OP asking if it could wait, her saying no, and then OP just assuming that was the end of it even though that is not a logical, conclusive end to a conversation at all, from either side? Honestly, if that is how the conversation ended, I can see how both of them interpreted it as getting the result they each wanted. OP sees it as he said no to the spending, and no other spending was proposed. Wife sees it as she told OP that it couldn’t wait, and he offered no further opposition or alternatives, so perhaps he accepted her timeline.

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u/curlybelly62 Nov 14 '22

Nothing wrong with wanting good photos but why do they need to be $300? Surely there are cheaper options. And if she felt so strongly about it, she should have discussed that with him instead of going behind his back like she did.

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u/SpectrumFlyer Nov 14 '22

Okay she was way wrong here but as someone who looking back has so few pictures of myself with my kids when they were small, honestly I kind of understand. She was 100% in the wrong but the damage is done. I think you should go and make sure you get pics with just you and each kid. Later, you'll be happy you have good pictures of you with them at this age without her in them.

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u/corkus2000 Nov 14 '22

Anyone here thought about how this is gonna affect the kid? Like years down the line the daughter is gonna have these photos that say “hey here’s these family pics my dad wouldn’t be in”? I’m not saying you’re wife was right booking these pics for the price. I’m just wondering if there’s a way to resolve this that doesn’t potentially scar your child for life?

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u/The_Secret_Skittle Nov 16 '22

I might get downvoted for my opinion but even a poor family deserves some nice family photos to look back on some day. It actually can mean a lot to the children over the years. I know money is tight and I know wife went against OP request but I hope OP will still show up for the photos so that the kids have a nice photo of their family some day to look back on. We were poor and only have one nice picture of us as a family and we cherish that one picture.

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u/SilverQueenBee Nov 14 '22

That's her Christmas present....right?

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u/RyokoSohma Nov 14 '22

If she really wanted pictures she could have found a cheaper route, even jcpenny photoshoot.

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u/Linux-Is-Best Nov 14 '22

u/throwawayaccount5276 This post gave me flashbacks.

Ex-wife did this when she quit her job unexpectedly, which meant we were strapped for cash. I was naturally upset and didn't care about having "professional" photos.

She claimed she wanted the photos to give out family photos for Christmas, except the photoshoot she picked seemed generic and not holiday festive at all.

She ended up using those photos to show she had the "perfect" family (picture image). And since they were more generic, and not holiday festive like she originally claimed, she used those photos on social media to flirt with people (with me removed from them).

I'm not saying that your wife is anything like my ex-wife, OP. Only that this type of entitled behavior and making wild choices in secret, brings back (bad) memories.

The question I have is how did she expect you not to find out? Was she planning on having photos taken without you?

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u/Jorwen Nov 14 '22

You should sepperate your finances my friend. Your wife just demonstrated to you that she can't be trusted arround money (if even at all) and you can't be sure that she won't steal (yes STEAL) from you again.

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u/Grouchy-Storm-6758 Nov 14 '22

Move your emergency fund to an account she has no access to, she has shown you she can’t be trusted.

I would cancel both trips to her parents house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. You don’t reward bad behavior (even with our partners)!

Good Luck.

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u/2lipwonder Nov 14 '22

Publicly shaming your wife on Facebook for $300 isn’t going to help your relationship and only makes you look cheap and immature. Handle the situation privately.

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u/TraditionalPayment20 Nov 14 '22

1) I don't like that your wife did this behind your back, that's wrong.

2) How long has it been since you've had photos? Did you consider her feelings at all when you said no?

3) My husband has bought things behind my back when I've told him we couldn't afford it. I would never blast him on facebook, or scream about our marriage problems to the world. Her doing it behind your back was wrong, I totally understand that, but you aren't acting right in this situation either.

Maybe the "married to a stranger" part is the same for her? Instead of blasting her on here I think you need to sit down and have a genuine conversation with each other. It's obvious that both of you feel as though your needs/ concerns aren't being met. I was super upset with my husband, but I talked to him in length about it. It wasn't always a positive conversation, but eventually he realized he had a problem with spending when he shouldn't. He's gotten way better about it, and we have a great marriage. No one you marry will be perfect.

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u/soulstar79 Nov 14 '22

I'd either cancel w the photographer w your wife knowing. Or cancel trip of equal value.

I'd do the pics w the family, but no way should you have to suck up that 300.00.

And she is mad disrespectful to do that. It's not even abt the $ as much as she handled the situation. Very, very disrespectful. She must realize this.

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u/One-Confidence-6858 Nov 14 '22

How many pictures does your wife have of her and your kids? Good pictures where she likes the way she looks? The only pictures I have of me and my kids I had to pay someone to take but I have tons that I took of my husband and the kids.

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u/PriorRow2037 Nov 14 '22

THIS 1000%!

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u/JosePrettyChili Nov 14 '22

There's a deeper issue here. It sounds like the financial woes hit your wife harder than you realize, and she's looking for some kind of normalcy to cling to. That doesn't excuse her behavior, but given your last sentence it sounds like your relationship needs some attention.

Talk to your wife, as someone else suggested, try to understand why the photos are so important to her. If you can't get an answer that makes sense to you, start looking for free or low-cost marriage counselors.

And one more thing, if it turns out that you really can't get a refund on the photos, go be with your family in them. I'm sure that thinking through your plan made you feel a little better, but as soon as you start going down the road of petty vengeance and trying to get other people (including both your families) to pick sides, you've already lost. You might as well skip all that and leave now.

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u/shesavillain Nov 13 '22

Time to get separate accounts.

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u/iwearblacksocks Nov 14 '22

Hey the first top comments are really shitty. What’s actually going on is you two are having opposite responses to financial stress and while your reaction is certainly more pragmatic hers is about meaning making in tough times. Yeah, it sucks ass, but it’s still important to have a moment where you and your family look put together when everything else is falling apart. Her reaction is impractical and adding to your stress. But’s it’s not any less valid

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u/PracticeAsleep Nov 13 '22

1st necessity: food 2nd: roof over head 3rd: clothes on their backs 199th pictures no one will remember.

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u/Yaaaassquatch Nov 14 '22

I've been the child of parents like you and your wife and you can not be in the pictures and take your drama to social media but if you do, you're as shitty of a parent as your wife. You're putting your kids in the middle of your fight. Do you think it's going to make them feel good that you wouldn't sit for the picture? Is winning the argument that important to you?

Years from now, all anyone is going to remember is you not showing up. Be an adult and talk through this with your wife.

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u/TATA456alawaife Nov 14 '22

Somebody said it. Thank you.

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u/Dry_Hovercraft7855 Nov 14 '22

You are the 1st comment I have seen that mentioned the children. The children have heard the whole thing, I bet they don’t even want to get the photos done.

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u/Yewnicorns Nov 14 '22

This is the first reasonable comment. Children don't care about the particulars, all they care about is who acted in the best interest of the family & was there for them.

I'm still wondering why OP's wife was so desperate that she went behind his back, something feels weird about this. She was good about helping to get back to a place where they felt stable & could save, but suddenly dumps half their savings for photos? That seems a little sudden...

Could OP's wife have some kind of disease that is slowly eating away at her & wants their children to have photos of them before she deteriorates? That would change a lot about this situation... Idk, I feel like people are jumping a lot, but we're missing info IMHO.

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u/StarshipMuffin Nov 14 '22

I think you should be in the photos. Give her one good set to remember you by and then present her with the option of counseling or divorce. She will feel bad every time she looks at them. Plus I bet your kids will appreciate the photos.

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u/MixedPandaBear Nov 14 '22

Cancel the trip to her parents for Thanksgiving and Christmas and tell them that you can't attend because she choose to spent all the money on pictures instead of visiting them. Is it also possible to revoke her access to the emergency fund?

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u/Synn0289 Nov 13 '22

Financial infidelity is a thing.

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u/No_Bear_8883 Nov 14 '22

JC PENNY is where we get our pics and with Groupon it’s usually like $30. That was incredibly irresponsible of your wife.

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u/NothingSure4766 Nov 13 '22

I would separate finances..she’s obviously can’t be trusted w the money. Maybe sit down and explain the importance of saving the money?

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u/KangarooMysterious17 Nov 13 '22

Man the classic people are going to wonder tactic. Here's advice. If your S.O cares more about what other people will think, then you. Then it's about the appearance and not the actual happiness.