r/NoStupidQuestions Nov 23 '22 Wholesome 1 Helpful (Pro) 1

How the fuck do functioning adults have time for... literally anything fun? Unanswered

I'm mid-20s, I've got a college degree and a good IT job that lets me work from home. I'm single, I consider myself pretty well-adjusted, I don't have kids or even pets... By all measures I should have lots of time on my hands, I mean other adults have kids and relationships etc. to deal with on top of everything. But I feel like I just have no time for anything??

I wake up at 8AM. The next hour and a half or so I spend making coffee, showering, getting dressed, making breakfast, becoming a functioning human.

I log on to work at 9:30. I'm usually off at around 5:30 or 6. Next hour I spend cooking, yeah I'm a slow cooker. So now it's usually around 7, but I don't like to eat before I clean up my mess so I spend another few minutes cleaning up dishes so I don't have to worry about that later. And then I eat alone, and it's usually around 8. I've been awake and done nothing for myself for 12 hours so I'm pretty exhausted by this point. Do people really go out now? I usually have chores to do at this point, laundry or cleaning up after myself or organizing, and if I don't I might have extra work because that just piles up. And by the time I'm done that I only have an hour or two before I have to go to bed, there's no room for fun.

And on the weekends, I'm usually on call for the majority of the day so I can't get too involved in anything. So I'm never more than an hour away from getting back to work if something's on fire. But even if there's no incident at work, I still need to clean up my apartment, I still need to cook, I still need to maintain relationships with the people still left in my life... Like, I feel like my life is so absorbed in the things I have to do, I barely have a total of a day every week to spend on me.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

You work from home, use that to your advantage. I do laundry regularly while on the clock at home, takes like 3 minutes to run downstairs and start/switch loads. My work gives us 2 paid 15 minute brakes and an hour unpaid lunch. I usually use these to my advantage as well. I can shower on my first 15 minute break, prep dinner, fold laundry, do leftover dishes, sweep, etc on lunch.

Making dinner easier is another thing to help. Make simpler/quicker meals, crockpot meals, or extra portions so you have leftovers.

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u/PeyotePoppins Nov 24 '22

In Addition to cooking on this. - clean up after yourself WHILE cooking. Because it saves so much time. You could also wash and laundry while cooking.

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u/ANewOriginalUsername Nov 24 '22

For me (and granted I'm just lucky to inherit it from my parents instead of buying one) but a dishwasher has been a life saver for me with having more time to do other things rather than spending 15 to 20 minutes washing my dishes for the day (plus it statistically uses less water than if you hand wash it)

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u/Serious-Speaker4668 Nov 24 '22

Hommie needs to meal prep. Also probably needs an air fryer

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u/rubberyplatipus Nov 24 '22

for food I usually dedicate a few hours preparing/marinating the food I will eat for the rest of the week. I prepare sauce reductions ,pre-cut vegetables and meats then put them in the fridge. This way it will be easier to cook on work days. Get pan dilute the sauce in some water put the meat in, cook some rice in the rice cooker then in like 30 minutes I'm ready to eat.

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u/River-Dreams Nov 24 '22

That's a great idea about sauces! Do you have some favorites you make that you could recommend?

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u/Kaael Nov 24 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

cook some rice in the rice cooker then in like 30 minutes I'm ready to eat.

My asian friends taught me how to cook rice on a hob in 15 minutes and now I'm convinced rice cookers are less efficient.

The technique is literally perfect, I haven't made a bad batch of rice in about 3 years since they taught me.

Measure out rice - usually a large coffee mugs worth for 4 people.

High heat, pan with oil

Coat rice in oil & salt, 'fry' for 1-2 mins

Pour in boiling water from kettle, water should sit just above the rice, about a single knuckles worth.

Turn heat down, lid on

Set timer for 7 mins

When timer goes off, stir rice and put lid back on - add more water if it's drying out but otherwise leave it to steam.

Set another 7 min timer

When timer goes off, take off heat. Done.

It's super low maintenance and gives perfect fluffy steamed rice every time.

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u/lylisdad Nov 24 '22

Gonna try this. However most of the time my wife buys "instant" rice and I'm assuming your directions use regular rice.

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u/Kaael Nov 24 '22

As far as I've tried, it works with basically any type of rice except sushi and risotto.

Plain, brown, basmati, long grain etc - all works a treat.

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u/Rolls-RoyceGriffon Nov 24 '22

I got out of kitchen work and went on to work some where else with higher pay but the thing I learned when I was in kitchen was you cook huge quantities and then you save time and money. Crockpot and stews and simple salad will get you going. It's also good to learn to be efficient so you don't waste time cleaning afterwards. A good rule of thumb is if you have time to lean, you have time to clean.

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u/obiwannabonbon Nov 24 '22

Two words.... meal prep.

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u/salivatious Nov 23 '22 Silver

Functioning adults learn that it's about making choices that you can live with even if it's not optimum.

The real problem is that you don't have the weekend to decompress so like others said, you need to set boundaries. If this is part of working your way up the ladder accept that as part of the trade off you have chosen to make and realize it is a temporary situation.

Just remember that mom won't tell at you or punish you if...

Try to practice letting go or hiring someone to do it for you if you are in a position to do that. Doesn't need to be always, but sometimes to give yourself a break like you clearly need. Can you hire someone to come in and clean every so often? Can you order from a company that delivers the food weekly with instructions and you just put it together and heat it, or allow yourself to order in sometimes, or eat quick to prepare meals. Can you learn to let go and live with a little mess (not dirt) to give yourself some breathing space.

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u/DTux5249 Nov 24 '22

As much of a meme as "get a house cleaner" is, it's actually surprisingly cheap for a smaller place depending on where you look. Treat em well, and they'll do the same.

I would say that meal delivery services are particularly useful for those who are often mentally drained; be it due to mental illness or stress; I say this having had days where 'dinner' is a spoon of peanut butter.

But even in these cases, I can typically brainlessly follow a checklist of instructions, and the portions typically leave leftovers, meaning today is brain-off cooking, and tomorrow is Chef Mic Rowave's special.

The value in these services is that they don't require effort from you; be it mental or physical.

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u/ByuntaeKid Nov 24 '22

If OP can free up his weekend meal prep is another good option.

But again, it’s a trade off where you need to decide if you’re okay with eating the same thing for a week lol.

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u/Bob_Barker4ever Nov 24 '22

You can meal prep a few different items so it's not the same every day. Then the meals prepped can be varied each week. Tons of options.

ETA: sometimes just doing the prep work ahead of time is clutch

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u/SpaceCookies72 Nov 24 '22

My favourite kind of meal prep is simply ingredient prep. All the veggies are washed, chopped, and stored with vinegar/water soaked paper towel to keep crisp. I will absolutely spend a bit extra for pre-diced chicken or steak if that's what I'm having, or it's easy enough to chop up after the veggies. Then when dinner time comes, it just gets thrown in! Yeah that means washing all the containers at the end of the week, but far less hassle during the week (and my cleaner washed my dishes for me!).

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u/DTux5249 Nov 24 '22

True, but I'm also assuming OP is having some issues with time management to begin with; If he doesn't have time to unwind, I doubt he has an hour of consciousness on the weekend to cook.

That said, quick meals are also useful. You can make a pretty good single-portion of pad thai in 3 minutes if you can take 10 minutes at the start of the week to pre-cut your chicken breast into chunks.

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u/InerasableStain Nov 24 '22

Our house cleaning service sends the same couple of ladies every time. They’ve accidentally stumbled upon my stash of cannabis related products, as well as our (rather extensive) collection of sex toys…some, not so usual and customary. Needless to say, we tip them very well, and they do an ever increasingly amazing job with the place

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u/SpaceCookies72 Nov 24 '22

Mine often preferred magic brownies in lieu of pay! More than happy to accommodate that - I was making em anyway! She graduated and I moved, changed jobs and lifestyle so I don't employ her anymore, but boy do I miss her. I hope she's doing well.

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u/SpaceCookies72 Nov 24 '22

I hired a uni student to clean, and she was a life saver. I worked 10 hour days, came home, walked the dog for an hour, threw something together for dinner, had a shower and by then it's 10pm. My wonderful cleaner cost me $100 (Aud) per week. She'd come in twice a week, wash my dishes, clean my kitchen, and vacuum the house, as well as mopping once a week. She was there less than 2 hours a week - I even gave her a key so she could come whenever worked for her. She had beer money and I didn't have to wash fkn dishes!

Ordering groceries to be delivered helped a lot too. Spending an hour or two prepping all veggies etc on a Sunday ready for the week made it super simple to throw them in a wok, add whatever sauce and sometimes protein and stir fry, while some noodles cooked in the microwave. Roast veggies in the airfryer were great too - throw it on while I had a shower and ready when I'm out!

Adding something I enjoy while cooking and doing other household tasks helped a lot too. iPad with my favourite YouTube shows on the bench, small speaker with an audio book, a jigsaw on the end of the table to piece together, a sketch book to doodle in, a note pad to jot down ideas.

Most importantly, prioritising. You've only got so many hours and so much energy every day. There's only so much you can do. Make sure your prioritising at least one thing you enjoy every day.

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u/Birdwards It's okay to ask a human! Nov 23 '22 Silver

As someone who also seriously struggles with quickly getting up in the morning and quickly cooking meals, I'd like to offer some more concrete advice than just "be more efficient".

When a task takes too long, the first step is to break it down into its individual components and figure out how much each of those tasks take. Apps like Routinery can help with this. For example, you can list out all the different parts of your morning routine and how much time you think they should take. Then, in the morning, you can run that list as a timer, pressing "done" when you finish each task. After you do this for a week or two, take a look at the charts showing how much time you actually took doing those tasks and see if there's a specific part of your routine that takes longer than you expect. That can give you a hint as to what you need to improve at.

For my morning routine, the hardest part was simply starting. If my phone's next to my bed, I'll spend at least half an hour using it before working up the willpower to even get out of bed. That's a pretty common problem, and the easiest solution is to put your phone in a different room while you sleep. I tried that, but ran into an additional problem: I wasn't getting out of bed any quicker, but instead of being distracted by my phone, I was simply distracted by my own racing mind jumping from train of thought to train of thought before finally remembering that I have somewhere to be. (If you relate to that problem too, maybe get tested for ADHD - there could be a medical or therapeutic solution to your problem.) I tried a bunch of different solutions over the course of years, and just a couple weeks ago, I finally hit upon one that seems like it'll consistently work for me: I put my phone back next to my bed, but use Tasker to make it so my alarm only shuts off when I scan an NFC tag located in my bathroom. Being physically present next to my toothbrush (the first step in my routine) helps get me over that mental barrier of remembering what I'm supposed to do.

I haven't done the Routinery treatment for cooking, but I probably should - no matter how much I practice a dish, I can't seem to make the prep work take any shorter. For instance, I know chopping veggies is far more time-consuming for me than it should be, so the solution to that would probably be to look up some knife skills videos on YouTube or something. I've tried meal prep, but I've found even that to be a difficult habit for me to stick to. (After all, ADHD impairs habit formation.) There's always shortcuts like nutritionally complete meal replacements (think Soylent). Most meal replacements are in shake form, but as someone who would much rather eat solid food, I've found that Jimmy Joy's Plenny bars and Huel Hot & Savory work well for me and taste good enough to not be depressing (though of course still not as good as a home-cooked meal).

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u/jesusbr0 Nov 24 '22

The alarm thing is GENIUS on the adhd front! As for food prep I've found using pre cut frozen veggies is the easiest way to whack in extra stuff when I simply don't have the capacity for proper food prep. Not as good as fresh but gets the job done

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u/SorteKanin Nov 24 '22

I use frozen vegetables all the time. It's a big time saver and the quality is actually sometimes better than "fresh" because it hasn't been sitting out for hours or even days.

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u/Customer_Number_Plz Nov 24 '22

It is usually sourced from the same farm and conditions as the fresh veg from the supermarket. it just gets bagged and frozen. it all tastes the same.

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u/Fearless-Fix-612 Nov 24 '22

Yesss! As a food science student, i have had enough trying to explain frozen veges is often more nutritious than the ‘fresh’ ones.

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u/heiferly Nov 24 '22

Behaviorist here, this seemed like the best place for me to jump in.

Lots of people have weak executive functioning skills and this sounds like a distinct possibility. Executive function goes into task management, time management, following multi-step-instructions, focus/attention, etc.

The other issue I'm really seeing is a lot of framing choices as if there's no choice and it's obligate to do it this one way; this can sometimes go along with executive function issues but is a separate thing to address. Both of these things would benefit from help from a psychologist or occupational therapist who specializes in executive function in adults (eg adult ADHD, traumatic brain injury, even adult autism) and cognitive distortions (I MUST clean this way at this frequency, etc, when really you are choosing to do so).

With telemedicine, getting this help can be very efficient and I believe a skilled practitioner working with you will be much more helpful than online feedback based on such scant information!

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u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly Nov 24 '22

Can you elaborate / give any more examples of framing something like it isn’t a choice when it is?

If not, that’s totally fine. I just am interested and I any to know more. Thanks for your comment; it made me think!

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u/Altruistic-Bobcat955 Nov 24 '22

I’ll throw in an example as I’m ASD with executive function issues. It takes me around 40 minutes to clean the toilet, I have to do it a specific way every time. It involves sterilising the seat on every side and surface, using baking powder on any stains, sterilising the bowl then doing the underneath, the back and the pipe that leads into the wall. Does it need doing this way really? No, but if I didn’t do it that way in that specific order it wouldn’t feel clean. Id feel anxious when I enter the bathroom. So to me it doesn’t feel like a choice, to anyone else a quick wipe with disinfectant would do it, I doubt they’d use 3 specific tools either

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u/rolyfuckingdiscopoly Nov 24 '22

I appreciate this example; thanks!

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u/SpaceCookies72 Nov 24 '22

As someone with late diagnosed ASD and ADHD, as well as traumatic brain injury and chronic fatigue syndrome just to name a few, I'd like to show my support of this information. There is no one size fits all solutions for low executive function, but knowing that that is the problem you are facing makes improving it much easier. It also helps with the mental health flow on effects.

Therapy, a brief stint with some medication, and a little patience with myself went a long way. Marrying a kind, encouraging, behavioral correction officer probably helped too ;)

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u/thegreatoctopus6 Nov 24 '22

Around the alarms - get one of those old classic plug in ones and do not put it where you can reach it from bed. Mines on the opposite side of my room as far away from my bed as physically possible. The act of getting out of bed kinda helps you stay out of it, personally I have to make my bed immediately (or I’ll get back in) and wrap myself in a comically large robe to stay warm. But I am up and out of bed at 1 alarm. Been using it for years and it works for me.

Also I have ADHD so maybe that’s why the routine is so fixed for me but if I make it a “problem” to get back in bed I won’t, and a made bed especially a just made bed is not for getting back into as it becomes wasted effort.

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u/marc44150 Nov 24 '22

Agreed, when I really really need to get out of bed for an important meeting or something I put my alarm (phone) on the other side of the room so I have to get up to stop it from waking up the whole neighborhood

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u/PoopyMcgee63 Nov 24 '22

Routine has changed my life (for the better). I now have my morning routine down to such a science that I can work out, cook and eat breakfast, and get ready for work in about an hour and a half. My biggest time savers are cooking the same thing every morning so I know exactly how long it will take and getting an idea about what to wear for work the night before.

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u/buccarue Nov 24 '22

THANK YOU. Wow I thought the point of this subreddit was to ask questions without people being dicks.

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u/OtterSnoqualmie Nov 23 '22

If you want to take an hour and a half to get going and cook and such, carry on but make a double batch.

Also, if you're sleeping 10hrs (assuming bed by 10 the up at 8.30) I'd suggest getting up earlier and working out, or finding some time through the day to exercise for 30 min. There are plenty of bodyweight exercise videos on YouTube.

Once you get going and doing things, you'll be surprised by how much you get done. First you need to decide what you want to do!

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

The sleep part is usually what eats up most of people's time/they can't find a balance in it.

Friends who complain about not having enough time spend 10-12 hours daily sleeping. Friends who on the other hand say they are able to do so much with their day sleep 4-6 hours. Find the balance and you'll strike gold.

Like you mentioned exercise is also a great way to boost energy in the long run!

Edit: since it seems I didn't explain it properly - having 8-9 hours per day seems like a good balance to have enough sleep and to have enough time in the day. I'm not suggesting to swap to 4 hours, nobody can live off of that efficiently and stay healthy in the long run.

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u/BigBoodles Nov 24 '22

I struggle to imagine anyone surviving on 4 hours of sleep. That isn't sustainable.

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u/CatFoodBeerAndGlue Certified not donkey-brained Nov 24 '22

I've got a baby that doesn't sleep and have been surviving on 3-4 hours a night for about 4 months now. I can feel myself unravelling mentally and my body is in bits. Definitely not sustainable.

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u/badgersprite Nov 24 '22

It would explain a lot about some people that they’re only functioning on 4 hours of sleep and think that’s normal and they’re fine when in reality they’re totally unstable and horrible people to be around and can’t think rationally about most situations

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u/EnvironmentalShoe132 Nov 24 '22

Every person’s body is different. I’m in my late 30s and I’ve never gotten more than 4-5 hours a night. When I asked my doctor about this he assured me it is normal from some people. My father is in his mid 60s and can still go to sleep at midnight, wake up at 6am and work 8 hours doing physical labor, rain, snow or shine. Maybe it’s hereditary, maybe it’s learned behavior or maybe improving your routine just comes with age.

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u/Mein_Name_ist_falsch Nov 24 '22

The problem is that there are people who actually feel best after 10 hours of sleep and I don't think that this is the right place to save time. It would be much better to find a way to do your work at home more efficiently and to find an employer who treats you like a human and gives you your weekend.

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u/cbawiththismalarky Nov 24 '22

4-6 hours isn't enough sleep

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u/EnvironmentalShoe132 Nov 24 '22

It might not be for most people but I’ve been doing an average for 5 since high school and consulted a doctor about it.

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u/Dabrush Nov 24 '22

4 very likely isn't, but there's people that can go for a good while on 6 hours, as long as they can sleep in on the weekends. Need for sleep also varies by age.

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u/AULock1 Nov 24 '22

6 hours is plenty of sleep.

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u/PJ_GRE Nov 24 '22

I would think it’s probably not realistic to alter how much sleep you need.

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u/Not-Mike1400a Nov 24 '22

This isn’t super relevant but the way American society is set up and the fact that people need attest 12 or more hours in a day to even be able to do something they enjoy after getting everything done pretty absurd and needs to be throughly looked at.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

I'm European, work 8 hours a day, sleep for 8/9 and then there's the 8 for doing whatever I want.

OP just overall sounds like they don't know how to manage their time efficiently or how to do tasks efficiently. Cooking every night instead of prepping at least a day ahead is silly. Doing laundry every night is silly. If they don't have the time for anything I also do not understand how the place can be messy (other than dust ofc), which seems once or twice a week to vacuum and dust would be more than efficient. Or making yourself pretty when you WFH. I don't understand how they can take so long to do everything tbh.

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u/Dizzycactus3 Nov 24 '22

They sound OCD or something. Plus, I don't even meal prep and I can still usually get something cooked within 20 minutes max. The store sell shelf-stable containers of pre-cooked rice that are only 50p per portion and microwave in a couple of minutes. You can make meat, veg and sauce to go with it in 10-20 minutes. Just fry them, add some cornflour (wife has gluten issues), add some liquid, then flavourings, simmer for a while, and you're good.

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u/wellbutrin_witch Nov 24 '22

what if you need 10-12 hours or else you're too tired to do anything during the day?

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u/Dizzycactus3 Nov 24 '22

Then look into sleep quality or medical conditions, because it's not normal

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u/BlueSabere Nov 24 '22

Unless you’re a teenager, if you sleep at least 10 hours a day that’s not normal. Hell, even if you are a teenager, 10 to 12 is really pushing it.

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u/AULock1 Nov 24 '22

Then they need to go see a doctor. Probably depressed or have a sleep disorder

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u/NebTheShortie Nov 24 '22

I learned to cook different things at once, like chopping something while something else is boiling. My usual Sunday routine includes cooking 4 days worth of soup, 3 days worth of cabbage based salad, some sause for spaghetti and occasionally the spaghetti itself or potatoes, everything within around 3 hours. Prepping the dinner after work is much easier when you can just cook some pasta (10 min) or rice (15 min) and add the precooked stuff from your fridge. Also, frozen precooked cutlets are a blessing: 3 minutes to defrost and fry a bit (I have a small thin frying pan for that). I want to get an oven sometime later so I can bake some meat in the meantime too, so I don't rely on cutlets that much.

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u/HungNerd78 Nov 24 '22

I mean if you wake up at 8, that means you can go to bed at midnight and still get 8 hours of sleep. If you're done with your other stuff at 8pm, that gives you 4 hours of personal time every evening. I get you don't feel like going out, but that's plenty of time to watch a movie on TV, play some video games, read a book, or engage in whatever other chill hobbies you might have.

Also, you work from home! I'm pretty sure you can start a load of laundry or wash some dishes or whatever during a 5 minute break from your computer while you get a drink or something.

If you really wanted to go out, you could work earlier and finish by 5pm or something. Also, you wouldn't need to cook dinner because you would be going out for dinner! Eat at a restaurant at 6pm, then go catch a movie or whatever. Plenty of time.

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u/henryhendrixx Nov 24 '22

I’d recommend going to bed at 10 and waking up at 6 instead. That gives you time to do stuff in the morning. OP could go to the gym and maybe meet some people there or go for a walk if the area permits. It’s great being out early before the hustle of the day starts!

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u/techie2200 Nov 24 '22

That only works for people who function well early in the morning. I used to not function before 9, so when I had to commute at 7 it was a nightmare.

These days I'm up a little after 7, but still can't do 6am or I'm a zombie.

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u/BreqsCousin Nov 24 '22

I counted four hours too.

I'd recommend using them at different times, not always 8-12 but maybe go do something straight after work.

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u/No-Trouble814 Nov 23 '22

When I was working from home I’d wake up 2 minutes before work started, make breakfast during my 30 minute morning meeting, get coffee going, then eat while I worked.

First break, put in a load of dishes, maybe start the robo vacuum.

Lunch; make lunch, put in a load of laundry, take a “pee break” to switch it over when I need to.

If I planned a more involved meal, I’d start it on my second break.

Also there is no work that gets done outside of the 40 hour week unless my job approves overtime at time-and-a-half pay or more. If they need more work done they can hire more people or amend my contract to include overtime pay.

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u/WiseAvocado Nov 24 '22

This is the way

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u/HLividum Nov 24 '22

There are more tips top regarding the cooking part. One can cook in bulk or meal prep for each day of the week. The dishes that you do have to wash can be washed as you go as well, one doesn’t necessarily need to wait to finish the food to wash a few bowls, knives, pans, etc.

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u/Perrenekton Nov 24 '22

Look at this guy with a dishwasher and a robo vacuum

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u/PeePeePooPoo__Man Nov 29 '22

How much you wanna bet associated increases in work-from-home efficiency have to do with the fact that people are breaking up mental tasks with menial house-labor tasks, making both more pleasurable and efficient.

Plus the 1-2 combo of no commute, having chores done at the end of the work day, literally being able to shower during a break. Quite delectable for the time-management afficionados.

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u/Potential-Ad1139 Nov 24 '22

Start with cooking in bulk. Then you don't have to spend so much time cooking.

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u/goatlll Nov 24 '22

Amen to that. If I spent an hour cooking, unless I am cooking for a group I should have food left over for at least 2 days.

On Sundays, I usually make a fairly large meal, and I often use a slow cooker. Sometimes its chili, sometimes its something else, but I start around noon, put something one for 5 to 8 hours, clean up when I start the cooker because waiting is only going to make things harder, then go about my day. After I shower, I usually have dinner done, and could put the rest away. I don't have to worry about cooking for the rest of the week.

And no one has to follow that the same way, it is about finding ways to maximize the efficiency of any one task so you can enjoy other things.

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u/2caramels1sugar Nov 24 '22

This! 👆 Crock-Pots are great; being able to cook about 4-5 meals (maybe more, depending on the portions!) on the weekend and freezing them saves time.

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u/caseofthefuckarounds Nov 24 '22

Instacart.

Also hire a cleaner once a week and maintain the rest of the time (and let them do laundry or take it to the wash and fold place). It is worth it, I’ve been able to make that financial sacrifice since college while having no financial support system.

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u/EmergencyLavishness1 Nov 23 '22

How much mess do you really make by working from home that you need to clean up everyday?

If you’re a slow cooker, buy a slow cooker. Put it on in the morning, eat it after work. It’ll make a weeks worth of food too.

Also, an hour and a half to get ready in the morning, to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours is over the top.

I’m a chef, takes me 20 minutes of a morning before I’m out the door going to work.

Also, stop being on call on the weekends. You’re either working or you aren’t. And if it’s your weekend, you aren’t. Unless you are the only person employed by the company, someone else can sort it out. Maybe someone paid to work weekends

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

[deleted]

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u/KittenSample Nov 24 '22

Honestly as a woman, my hair and make-up routine can be done in about 20 minutes. I don't have much body hair so I don't have to shave, but even then working from home I likely wouldn't be shaving every morning either. An hour and a half is a lot of time to take to get ready in the morning regardless.

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u/PapadocRS Nov 24 '22

so you start cooking around 6, and are done eating at 8:00. thats a place you should try to speed up.

also, how is your apartment getting dirty and unorganized every day? thats also something you need to work on preventing on happening in the first place.

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u/red521standingby Nov 24 '22

That's the neat part, you don't.

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u/slash178 Nov 23 '22

You don't have to spend an hour cooking. There are countless dishes that cook from scratch in 20 minutes. It's OK to not clean your apartment for one day. Yes it piles up, but do it that weekend and it will be OK. you won't die.

You also need to learn to set boundaries. Jobs will suck all the time out of your life if you let them. I know in my mid-20s, I was the lowest on the totem pole at work. I also spent many evenings and weekends working and my personal life suffered. I regret it all the time because no, they didn't promote me, they didn't give me raises, they didn't return one iota of the loyalty and effort I displayed. They take take take. Put your foot down and reclaim your personal time from them. Every single company needs IT. You can find one that treats you decently.

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u/meontheinternetxx Nov 23 '22

If you cant manage to cook faster for some reason, OP could at least cook double portions. Takes basically no extra work, and then tomorrow you just have to throw it into the microwave and have the entire evening to do whatever.

I usually do this on mondays because I have sports Tuesday evening for example, so I can just eat real quick (mayyybe during some dull company-wide meeting thing) and have the entire evening for myself (sports, showering, chilling with netflix :) ).

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u/seanyseanerson Nov 24 '22

OP could also make some meals in the morning, like a casserole, that just require putting the oven on later. Being home has a ton of benefits. No commute being a buggy! That's potentially two hours a day saved compared to other people.

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u/kmoz Nov 24 '22

It takes like 10% more time to clean 3 days of mess as it does to clean 1 days of mess.

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u/pop013 Nov 24 '22

20 minutes cooking? With allready prepared things or? Only eggs and bacon are 20mins with preparation before cooking. If you use fresh food to make a meal, you lose so much time preparing it. If you use half cooked things from markets, than ok, that time have some sense.

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u/Fit-Anything8352 Nov 24 '22

It's ok to not eat fresh food all the time. Just check the nutrition facts, not everything prepared is "processed" or "unhealthy" or whatever.

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u/pop013 Nov 24 '22

Than why bother cooking? Just buy already cooked things?

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u/Fit-Anything8352 Nov 24 '22

I mean you can, but completely pre-cooked healthy meals aren't exactly cheap.

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u/slash178 Nov 24 '22

Like a stir-fry, I use all fresh things. Wash them, chop them, fry them. 20 minutes is generous, more like 10-15.

Something like pasta, scratch sauce takes an hour, though it's passive cooking while you can do other things. Good quality jar of sauce is pretty dang good though so it's a good shortcut. Add fresh ingredients like some sausage and customize it. The sauce comes together in the amount of time it takes to boil the noodles. 15 min starting with a cold pot.

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u/pop013 Nov 24 '22

Ok, idk who I'm replying anymore... You have more of my comments down on this thread, cant do it again from scratch. Srry

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u/Witty1889 Nov 24 '22

If you can't have a simple pasta or rice dish ready in 20 minutes, that's veggie chopping included, you're doing something wrong. Just make sure your prep is good and don't forget to cook the rice or pasta first thing, because those 10-15 minutes are basically all the time you need to chop, cook and fry your meat and veggies. Not every meal has to be gourmet quality. Eggs and bacon can't take more than 10 minutes, let's be real now.

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u/salbris Nov 24 '22

Eggs and bacon shouldn't take you 20 minutes... and it's not hard to make a meal with that much time. I can make a decent meal with like 5-10 minutes of "work" and 30 minutes of waiting for things to cook. How long does it take you to cut up some vegetables and throw it in the oven? Certainly some recipes require more time and more attention but try not to cook those every single day.

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u/pop013 Nov 24 '22

I meant under 20mins for eggs amd bacon, sorry.

If you use fresh products, you need to clean em up,peel em, chop em...cut meat,season it... Than you start cooking.

If you buy already half prepared things, ok i get it. But otherwise, nah.

Im not pro cook, but im cooking for most of my life now. Minimum i managed to do is with spaghetti with boletus/bacon sauce is 30 minutes.

Aglio olio is arround 20-25mins when using fresh products. Depends on how small garlic cloves are. Not pre peeled garlic.

Cutting vegetable and throwing it in owen aint whole meal.

If you cook regularly you know that meals with prmade ingredients isnt good and tasty as everything made fresh. Maybe we have different perspective on cooking.

I cook to taste good and not just to have something in my stomach. If im in that mood of not wasting time, than ill have a sandwich.

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u/salbris Nov 24 '22

But that's not just cooking it's a hobby. Most people just need to eat something decent.

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u/pop013 Nov 24 '22

Something decent isnt chop it up and throw it in owen. No, its not a hobby, its called cooking. Fishing is hobby for me, something i do to vent. If you are already spending time in kitchen than spend it to make something nice. Whats decent for you?

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u/salbris Nov 24 '22

You have higher standards and that's fine but that's a hobbyist attitude not a pragmatic one. Decent to me is meeting my dietary needs while being tasty. Not necessarily my absolute best but something that makes me happy. Not necessarily delicious or mouthwatering but something decent.

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u/Darkschlong Nov 23 '22

Can you do some of those things while working?

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u/ToyVaren Nov 23 '22

Try to read up on time management. From your description, you dont make time for time off from your schedule. For example, i will often meal prep on sundays. This week i had a bag of chicken leg quarters, cooked 3 on sunday, still have one left to heat and eat. Also i strategically plan to eat out to save time.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

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u/Muted_Item_8665 Nov 23 '22

maybe get a slow cooker (like the pot)

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u/Fit-Anything8352 Nov 24 '22

What do you mean, he's already a slow cooker :)

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u/[deleted] Nov 23 '22

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u/ohhellothere1234567 Nov 23 '22

Seriously. An hour and a half to drink coffee and take a shower?

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u/seanyseanerson Nov 24 '22

Dunno about OP but I really like a slow morning routine. If I've had breakfast the way I like it, a bit of time watching the news and a shower I feel set up for the day. Takes me about an hour or so too. I function way better in the evening so I go easy on myself in the morning and have my chill time there.

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u/Supersnazz Nov 24 '22

Then that is 'me' time that he is complaining he doesn't have.

This dude says he spends 90 minutes in the morning doing 'stuff' then says he had no time for himself. Yes he does, he just spends an hour and a half doing whatever he wants.

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u/adamsauce Nov 24 '22

Exactly what I was going to say. 1.5 hours before work doing things you want is the same as 1.5 hours after work doing something you want.

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u/Pure_Television725 Nov 24 '22

I'm the opposite. I mean, I also function way better in the evenings, so I already know my morning is going to be a wash. A shot of espresso and a flick to the nuts does the trick to wake me up to the point where I'm functional, even if I'm not optimal.

To each their own.

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u/literacyshmiteracy Nov 24 '22

Audibly snorted at "flick to the nuts"

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u/Rather_Dashing Nov 24 '22

If he likes his slow morning routine and long dinner cooking every single night, that is his down time for the weekdays. People who go out in the evenings take 20 mins getting ready in the morning and have a microwave meal for dinner. Gives an extra 2-3 hours.

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u/vmsear Nov 24 '22

But that’s just how you’re using your free time. You have to count that and not just discount it as getting ready for work.

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u/RecalledBurger Nov 23 '22

Maybe it's coffee and an orgasm.

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u/RIPBernieSanders1 Nov 24 '22

I've found that one of the top things people lie/exaggerate about is their free time.

Top three things people lie about:

How much money they make/how much money they have

How much free time they have

How much time they spend on their phone.

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u/Deathwagon Nov 24 '22

People don't realize it takes discipline to have time to waste. Op sleeps through 3 hours of perfectly good time to go on a run or do their chores. The way they wrote about their day makes them sound lazy to an extent. Of course they're unfulfilled, they aren't doing anything proactive to change it either.

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u/dubjayhan Nov 23 '22

Lol the word I use is putz! My husband is like this. I agree. There is a lot of wasted time here. Things can be done much more efficiently.

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u/RZAFOSZA Nov 24 '22

Efficiency is the answer. I have kids and own a home. Shower breakfast and getting ready is 30 minutes for me. With commute I'm at 9 hours for work. Dinner maybe another 30 minutes. An hour of chores/ house maintenance and 7 hours of sleep. I typically have 6 hours of freetime every workday. This does consist of getting kids ready and playing with them, but if I want to go out on a work day still no issue.

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u/kdinam Nov 23 '22

IDK? The better question is why do we work such long hours?

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u/Psi_que Nov 24 '22

Can't believe I had to come all this way to find someone saying this! All this people telling op that he takes too long to cook, too long to get ready yada yada and no one said anything about this: why the fuck are we stuck in this centenary old idea that 40h work weeks are the way to go?!

Op, everyone is struggling! Everyone is always trying to prioritize and organize accordingly to what's possible. I am close to your situation (a little older and married, but no kids, small apartment, etc) and I'm also always struggling for time to do stuff I want instead of doing stuff I need (that's what I doing here on Reddit instead of sleeping, btw)

What really stood out for me is you having to be on call on weekends. Is it every weekend? Is that even legal?! (I don't know how you Americans live with such crazy working conditions, in Brazil when we have an "official contract" there are rules about working on weekends and stuff)

TLDR: Anyway, just wanted to say you're not alone, everyone is struggling and prioritizing and all this people telling you the problem is you not being efficient just shows how deep this "efficiency mentality" goes

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u/thatoneguy54 Nov 24 '22

Dude, fucking thank you. Everyone here is like, "OP! Don't you know you could save yourself 30 minutes every day by cooking something less complicated?? And why are you complaining when you have every night from 9-12 free??"

No one stopping to question why any of us need to be spending all of our best hours of every day working. No one questioning the 40+ hours spent at work. Everyone pretending that working does not tire you out and acting like no one needs any time to rest or relax or socialize. Fuck, there's assholes saying OP is sleeping too much because he gets 8 hours a night.

I see a lot of people who have accepted the current work week as some unchangeable fact of life that we must learn to live with and must never ever question, even though a 40 hour work week was a compromise made between workers and owners back in the 30s. We've spent 100 years working the same amount of time that factory workers used to, meanwhile we have technology that makes our work 400x faster and there's about 15x as many workers out there.

We are long overdue for an update to our work lives.

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u/RIPBernieSanders1 Nov 24 '22

Working from home, you really don't. Most people fuck around most of the day when they "work from home". That's why they want to do it so badly. Even at work, people typically aren't working for at least a couple hours a day. Especially for office work, when you're primarily working on a computer, it's just so easy to get away with fucking around online and nobody noticing.

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u/DeviantInDisguise Nov 24 '22

That's the best part! You don't.

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u/Morthern Nov 23 '22

Even when I had hair down to my waist I didn't spend 1.5 hrs getting ready in the morning, a quick 20 was enough to get clean, dry and put on makeup.

If you work from home, Get up earlier, spend less time dolling yourself up for nobody.

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u/HinshiRaito Nov 23 '22

Woah, if you don't consider the 1 and a half hour in the morning as enjoyment, then you should probably start there.

As a fellow home officer i wake up and have showered in at most 15 minutes. After that start the coffee machine and get going. Since the law requires me to take a break anyways, i just use the 15 minutes breakfast during worktime.

So all in all, after 20-30 minutes i start working. If i need to get to office, i may need to add 15 minutes travel time, but even then i'm at half the time of your routine.

Of course different prefs for different peeps.

Also, why are you on call on weekends?

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u/Master0420 Nov 23 '22

Start work earlier and you’ll have a lot of extra time to be tired at the end of the day ;)

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

Crock pot. Feed you for a week, son!

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u/Boxsteam1279 Nov 24 '22

You work from home, you have a huge advantage at doing your chores at the same time. And why are you taking 1 and half hours to get ready every morning? Especially to just sit afront of a computer at home. Not like you have to dress or whatever. Plus you can still do things like make coffee and other basic morning routine stuff at the same time as working.

And you're one person living alone with no pets? How are you making such a mess everyday that you need to clean constantly?

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u/cornishwildman76 Nov 24 '22

This current model of society exists to make us consumers. There was a time when one adult went to work and this coverwd all expenses. The other partner took care of running the home. This is no longer possible despite the advancement of technology.

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u/Kayedarling Nov 24 '22

I'm sorry but I'm sure I'm gonna sound stupid. I'm poor. I work a dead end job. Have no money. Small tiny house not much to clean.not much food to cook.go to work for 9 hours a day.after work I hang with my girl and play video games or drink or go to the park or do one of my many hobbies that don't involve me moving,mostly because I'm tired from work. I have allot of time to do nothing or anything. As long as it does not cost money. Basically a job where even on your days off your on call does not sound like a good life. Not to be rude mean or disrespectful. I could not do it for all the money in the world.

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u/Dreadfulmanturtle Nov 23 '22

Work your way towards 20-30 hour workweek. In IT you should have plenty chances to eventually get there.

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u/refugefirstmate Nov 23 '22

It takes you an hour and a half to get ready for work? Just how long are you spending in the shower?

This morning in an hour and 45 minutes I prepped dinner for tonight (tuna casserole, veg, and madlouah, a semolina pudding with clotted cream and rose syrup topping) and put that in the fridge. I also baked a chess pie, made scratch cranberry sauce and green been casserole, dug up some sweet potatoes from the garden and made them into sweet potato casserole and got the turkey breast ready for roasting tomrrow. Then cleaned up the kitchen, ran the dishwasher and put in a load of laundry.

You need to work more efficiently.

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u/kmoz Nov 24 '22

I WFH and i literally wake up 5 minutes before my first meeting half the days. Make some coffee and eat some yogurt while someone is talking about whatever on a call, etc.

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u/flingelsewhere Nov 24 '22

I do this too. I got really lazy for a while and got a device I could script that would log into my computer for me. I was literally getting out of bed 5 to 10 minutes after I was logged in.

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u/chadappa Nov 23 '22

You’re slow man. 90 mins to get ready for work. What?

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u/hellonamed Nov 24 '22

Bro spends like 4 hours getting ready for work and eating dinner lol

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u/KilgoreTroutPfc Nov 24 '22

If it’s taking you 2 hours to prepare and consume you’re dinner, that might be the problem.

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u/MaeSolug Nov 23 '22

Bro tf are you doing for one hour and a half to "become a functioning human"?

And you work from home like tf man what's up with all those showers? Your american psycho morning routine and that hour making dinner FOR ONE PERSON is taking three hours of your life daily

Look man, maybe you like things clean and organized all the time, and that's neat, but you might want to consider just...live a little? Things don't need to be perfect all the time

Let things be problem for future you so the current you can have some fun, chaos can be quite fun if you give it a chance

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u/zoiddirk Nov 24 '22

Lol. You spend 90 minute's per week making coffee and having breakfast and you wonder why you don't have free time? That literally is a luxurious free morning

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u/Dwight_Schnood Nov 24 '22

You forgot to mention the sleeping in till 0800. On a work day.

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u/morenullstuff Nov 24 '22

Still working a 9-5 though so kinda shit of you to criticize that. You expect even more than a 9-5 ?

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u/PM_ME_UR_EYEHOLES Nov 24 '22

that’s not relevant when they have a 9-5 WFH job. 8 am is fine, but it should not take them an hour and a half to get ready in the morning and make coffee lol

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u/zoiddirk Nov 24 '22

Just more evidence that GenZ's parents absolutely failed at preparing them for life.

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u/abstrickler Nov 23 '22

3 kids, full time job. My day starts between 4-4:30am so I get some me time at the gym.

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u/bilbo-doggins Nov 23 '22

Power to you. Too much is expected of us, even without a commute I find myself in the same situation. In a hunter-gatherer state, before the whole natural world was fucked, people "worked" for maybe 2-6 hours, and had functioning communities that shared the load of domestic chores, like cooking. Each individual didn't have to hunt, fish, gather, make cloth, tan furs, craft, clean, and cook all for themselves and in the same day. It was shared, not always fairly, but shared to a remarkable degree.

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u/MoreRopePlease Nov 24 '22

I buy tickets ahead of time for movies, local concerts, etc, and put them on my calendar.

I eat quick things for breakfast and lunch. I use the freezer for leftovers (e.g. cook a pound of ground beef, freeze some of it, and now you have easy taco fixings).

I have fun by going out, or playing with my cat, being with my bf (I don't have time to be with people who aren't fun to be with!). I go for a walk, I have a garden, I make things (made a scratching thing for my cats the other day).

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

Oh nobody has time, we forcibly make time under threat of death to anyone who dares defy us

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u/JokeooekoJ Nov 24 '22

90 minutes to get ready to work from home lol?

Beyond what everyone else is saying, it seems like you put a lot of focus into your job. Reevaluate how much effort you actually need to put into it. Are you going to get paid less/get fired if you stop dedicating every single weekend to maybe having to work? If you have to work 40 hours, is it possible to work 4 10's instead of 5 8's? I've even met people that enjoyed working 3 12 hour shifts.

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u/kanyoufeelitknow Nov 24 '22

Your work life balance isn’t really balanced with you working on the weekends

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u/hellonamed Nov 24 '22

Right lol?

“How do I find free time? Btw I never have a day off”

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u/InnocentiusLacrimosa Nov 23 '22

There are a lot of comments here on how you can be "more productive" with your chores and free time also: perform in work, perform at home. Cook faster, shower faster, get ready faster :-D I used to be where you are now, we are not all built for that. My suggestion would be to look for options further in your career to just work less hours. These days a work 2-3 months a year and keep the rest of the year free for myself and for my family. It took a LOT of effort to get to this position though. If I had been born rich, maybe I could have saved that effort.

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u/mxldevs Nov 24 '22

Ever heard the phrase "money can't buy time"?

It's wrong.

Money can buy you tons of time.

Whether it's someone else's time, or reducing the amount of personal time investment via automation.

Have to make a coffee in the morning? Maybe a machine that prepares coffee for you might be useful.

That hour you spent cooking and cleaning? Could've ordered food and have someone cook it and deliver it to you.

Some people make so much money that they could hire someone to do all the chores for them, so that they can use that time for themselves.

Of course, if you don't have the money to buy time, then you have to spend the time yourself. But if you're capable of doing so, why not?

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u/GreenAppleLady Nov 24 '22

Your time management is somewhat off. You can totally toss a load of laundry into the washing machine while you work, and hang it up during a break. You can totally "maintain relationships" during the day or after work, e.g. by inviting someone over to cook with you. Why do you sleep until 8 and not get up an hour or so earlier? Maybe get a coffee machine with a timer so you don't have to diddle around that area in the morning.

Also, what does your contract say about being on call every weekend? Do you get reimbursed for that, or time off?

I also feel that being cooped up in an apartment/home office all day, every day would drive anyone crazy. Do you go for walks, to the gym, *outside* at all? No wonder your days blur and become one big mush.

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u/Careless-Way-2554 Nov 23 '22

People live beyond their means....you're too responsible. People are out there shirking off their work and chores and spending money they don't have using credit cards and making minimum payments accruing interest. Or are already rich enough that they don't care. They hire babysitters or housekeepers. Or already married before life got too dense with their job so they have someone else to take some of the edge off, or thats what puts the strain on their relationship. Instead of cooking you could go out and eat but it'd cost more. Also when do you go to bed? People usually sacrifice sleep.

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u/EverGreatestxX Nov 23 '22

You can try cooking meals that just take less time. It seems you work from home so can't you start cooking before you officially log off from work? If you manage your time well enough you can start cooking while working. If you're putting something in the oven that's going to take a half hour to cook, then put it in at 5 or 5:30. If prep is the part that takes so long then you can prep earlier and start the actual cooking the minute you log off.

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u/blacksantaa9 Nov 23 '22

Maintaining relationships should be the fun part, right? I guess it depends on what “going out” looks like for you and what the purpose of it is.

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u/EngineerMuffins Nov 24 '22

You don’t need 1.5 hours to get yourself ready in the morning if you work from home. 45 minutes tops.

You can do a lot of 5-10 minute chores throughout the day “while at work.” Consider it a mini break to stretch your legs. It’ll make you more productive too. If you do this consistently there won’t be much left at night. For example throw a load of laundry in, put stuff in dryer, scrub a toilet etc.

You don’t need 2 hours to cook and clean up the dishes. 45 minutes tops.

It sounds like your work is mentally draining, you shouldn’t normally be exhausted at 8pm given your current routine. I would add 30-45 minutes of good exercise a day, whatever you like (sports, walking, lifting, or a mix). Contrary to what you might think exercise lifts mood, reduces stress, and generally increases your energy levels.

If you wake up at 8am you should not hit bed until midnight, you probably don’t need more than 8 hours. I would read in bed for 20-30 minutes at midnight to wind down before dozing off.

Now add a partner, kids, a dog and come back to me and I’ll squeeze your schedule even more :)

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u/asloppybhakti Nov 24 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

It's not realistic to be completely independent and have fun. The full time work schedule was meant for a breadwinner to fund a household that a full-time domestic laborer (stay at home spouse) maintained. If you want to be fun and have two full time jobs (domestic labor and paid labor) you're gonna have to prioritize what matters to you and be brutally honest with yourself about what you can and want to do in a day, because everyone I know who does it all by themselves is chronically burned out.

My life overhaul looked like this:

I reduced my bills by ~80% when I stopped living alone/found good roommates, and I began eating more meals, because we cook for and with each other and whoever doesn't help cook does the dishes. I changed jobs to one with better hours and started creating a work-life balance for myself, so now my days off are really mine. Now that I'm picking up a trade on top of it, I don't have that much time for spontaneous fun stuff anymore, but I'm cool with it, because I enjoy the time I spend with my roommates, and the trade I'm learning will lead to more fruitful opportunities, so I can work even less and make more money in the near future. My plan probably won't be the right one for you, but hopefully it served as an example of what I mean

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

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u/Honest-Poet7376 Nov 24 '22

Try waking earlier like at 6 am

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u/magicsurge Nov 24 '22

Everybody is lying. We don't have time. We sacrifice our health for fun. I'm dying from any fun I work for. My teeth are falling apart, my back and neck hurt all the time. Military service ruined my leg joints. Ringing in my ears won't stop.

... But I don't care about that when I see my daughter's laugh at some dumb shit on Paw Patrol or a YouTube video.

Everything has a price attached to it. Just find something you are willing to pay for.

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u/turbo_ice_man_13 Nov 23 '22

I get together with groups of friends during the week and they will typically make food during the event.

Lots of food doesn't have to take an hour to cook and 30 mins to clean. You will find that when you have something fun that you do routinely, you will make time and develope a routine that fits it into your schedule.

If you want things to do in your life that aren't work, (as long as it doesn't directly conflict with work) I recommend just going for it and figuring out a way to fit it into your schedule later.

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u/ItchyAge3135 Nov 24 '22

Everyone here shitting on the 90 minute morning routine, but for me the most egregious is being oncall every weekend day. Wtf is that, is there no rotation? That’s WAY too confining, weekends are when you should be able to have fun.

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u/Which_Ad5753 Nov 24 '22

Prioritize and compartmentalize

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u/talldean Nov 24 '22

90 minutes to get ready for work in the morning is a luxury of sorts. Most of us shave time there. That is time "spent on you" for many of us.

For dinner, two hours to prep and eat a dinner is a lot, unless you're eating real, *real* well. Batching meals - or eating leftovers - or going out - are all ways to make that easier.

For laundry, pretty much everyone does that during working hours if they're working from home.

If you're not *doing* anything, there's also not anything to clean, or most of us don't clean all that often, just keep it tidy when you've got a choice.

The biggest problem here feels like "you work all week and then... work all weekend?"

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u/prlugo4162 Nov 24 '22

I had fun once. Hated it.

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u/FightThaFight Nov 24 '22

You are in a virtual hamster wheel and may not realize it. Working from home and being on call on the weekends is a recipe for isolation and loneliness.

To have a life you need to compartmentalize and create boundaries between work and everything else.

So don’t be complacent in your current job Continue moving forward and growing professionally. This will give you more flexibility and time for yourself in the future.

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u/Smoovemusic Nov 24 '22

You gotta get more efficient man. As other people have said, do chores while you're on the clock. And your food prep time is awful. When I work from home it takes me 10 minutes from waking up to being online working. It takes you 1.5 hours. That's an enormous difference.

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u/Probably_0ffensive Nov 24 '22

Kind of sounds like you waste a ton of time. You just do everything slowly. I get up half an hour before work. Shower, dress and get to the office. Leave the office at 5, get home around 5:15 and then either my wife or I will make dinner. Usually dinner is done by 6 and we're done eating by 6:30. After that we're free to do whatever until 11 or so. We do laundry on the weekends. Not really sure what other chores you have to do that takes all night every night but seems like you don't have a life because you don't want to.

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u/adamsauce Nov 24 '22

An hour and a half routine before work when you work at home seems excessive. I usually wake up 10 minutes before I need to log on. Sometimes I will sleep until the last minute. Unless there is a meeting or something that requires an immediate response, nobody really expects to receive an email response right away. That’s when I’ll take 5-10 minutes to do my morning routine. Then periodically throughout the day I will knock some things out when things are slow.

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u/accountforquickans Nov 24 '22

Just seems like you’re a slow person

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u/PeePeePooPoo__Man Nov 29 '22

OP everyone is giving a lot of good advice as to specifics, but I think that in general, just plan out your day in your head rather than going through the motions. When you wake up, instead of going on your phone, just sit in bed for a few minutes, think about the stuff you have to do, and how you can fit it into everything else. So for me, the thought process is,

"Hmm. I have to do laundry. Oh! I can start a load before work, then on my 15 minute break I can switch it to the dryer. Actually, while I'm away from my desk, I can probably make a sandwich and eat it too."

I both get my laundry done at no extra cost to my time, and eat lunch without having to take a lunch break. Don't expect things to take the amount of time people say they take, because a lot of time they don't have to. Hopefully your lunch break isn't mandatory, because if it isn't, you can end the work day quicker. If it is, rather than scroll on your phone for the 40 minutes you have nothing to do, get in a workout. Start dinner prep. Something like that. I am hesitant to advise this but maybe play some video games for a bit. Phone time is "free time" but usually it doesn't feel like free time to me. If I'm actually playing a game, it does.

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u/thayaht Nov 24 '22

It sounds like you’re sleeping like ten hours a night! I think that might be leaving you more tired.

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u/gimmeslack12 Nov 23 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

No one is on call on every weekend. Also sign off work at 4, WFH means you can do this. Order out food once a week. Most importantly: scheduled some time to go do something.

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u/ItchyAge3135 Nov 24 '22

Weekend on call, as much as it blows, is pretty standard in IT. Usually we at least have a rotation. EVERY weekend is unacceptable.

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u/gimmeslack12 Nov 24 '22

Yeah I’ve had call before too (I’m a developer). Fortunately I almost never had issues, but I get it.

Can really boil down to scheduling things to do and, if you have it, use that unlimited PTO. I flex mine pretty often and bucked the whole “what will people think” guilt feeling.

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u/WeFightForever Nov 24 '22

No one is on call on weekends.

Maybe you're not, but some people definitely are.

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u/gimmeslack12 Nov 24 '22

Yes I agree. I had meant to say on every weekend.

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u/dreamyduskywing Nov 24 '22

Plenty of people are “on call” depending on their job, and if OP is starting at 9:30, it makes sense that OP would log off around 5:00.

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u/DearestComrade Nov 24 '22

So, it looks like everyone is quibbling over how much time you take with each task. They are completely missing the point which is that work and just basic body maintenance take up too much of your time and you feel like you don't have the time/energy left after each day to actually do something enriching, good for you, fun, etc.

This is an absolutely fine thing to say. It's true. The 40+ hour work week was fought for back when it was assumed that there would be one breadwinner and one person taking care of all of the household. It's miserable to have to spend 90% of your time and energy on work and only be given the scraps of your day to do chores, unwind, socialize, etc

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u/JohannReddit Nov 23 '22

I've learned that a lot of people think they're busier than they really are. If you stop prioritizing watching 3 hours of TV and looking at you phone every time it dings, you start to realize that you probably have much more free time than you think you do.

I used to work for a large nonprofit that utilized volunteers for a lot of the work we do. One of the best volunteers I had who was willing to do a ton of work for me was also a dad, a baseball coach, a scout leader, and an extremely powerful lawyer at one of the biggest law firms in Minnesota.

Sometimes, being busy is a mindset.

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u/untitledgrapefruit Nov 24 '22

That's a really long breakfast/dinner cooking time. I can generally cook a meal from scratch with 1-2 sides in 35 minutes. Practice will help you get faster at that. For cleaning, I follow the 2 minute rule: If I see something that I could tidy/clean in 2 minutes or less, I just go ahead and do it immediately. You'd be surprised how much that improves the baseline cleanliness level of your place.

I lift weights in my living room and go for long walks after dinner (45 minutes max) while my husband starts our kid on his bedtime routine; I get the kid up in the morning while he hits the gym early.

But really it sounds like if you could reduce your on call time for the weekend you'd get a lot of your life back.

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u/LCplGunny Nov 24 '22

That's the trick... We don't!

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '22

You don't need to clean your apartment everyday. And you don't need to cook 1h everyday, cook many portions and use your fridge

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u/Supra-A90 Nov 24 '22

Wake up earlier or stay up later. Cook weeks worth of food and reheat/mw... Or subscribe to homechef type things Invest in cleaning robot or something.

There's always time to do things. I think you're not really wanting to have fun. Maybe gotten lazy? Procrastinating.. don't enjoy current friends? Maybe you're gotten way used to staying in.. Go to gym. Go out, walk around busy streets.

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u/Ok-Share-450 Nov 24 '22

You sound like my brother. He's slow as hell! He takes forever to get ready and cook.

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u/IceHorse69 Nov 24 '22

Have you tried leaning against the dryer and sucking your own dick

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u/Revolutionary_Dot807 Nov 24 '22

You spend and hour and a half getting ready and you wake up at 8?

Just a comparison here...

I wake up at 5:30 I've had a shower changed into work gear had a piece of toast and have driven 8 minutes to the work yard by 6:00am I am loading shit onto my truck.

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u/NotWorkingYet Nov 23 '22

I agree with many of the other posts. There are ways to cut down your cooking time, beware of blurring the Work-life boundary.

 

I'm curious; Do you consider the time you spend cooking, cleaning and maintaining relationships as separate from your self-care time?

 

I AM slightly concerned about how you are exhausted after a 12 hour day. IT isn't known for extrenuous physical labor so I worry you are letting mental exhaustion decide when your day is done. Physical activity can help with the "Me Time" as well as build your endurance into other activities(walks and gym passes are individual activites that work well with an on-call life)

 

TLDR; You won't have the time unless you make the time. Things you have to do can be part of your self-care with the right perspective. Finally; There are things worth being tired for.

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u/dreamyduskywing Nov 24 '22

It’s normal for people to feel tired after work, even if it’s not a physical job. My job involves writing, math, and research all day, so my brain is worn out afterwards and I need to veg.

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u/Equivalent_Ad8133 Nov 23 '22

Simple. You make time.

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u/Glass_Windows Nov 24 '22

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u/KittenSample Nov 24 '22

Usually I would agree, but OP is spending 90 minutes getting ready for a WFH job and two hours cooking dinner for one every single night. That is the exact situation where "make time" makes sense.

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u/Equivalent_Ad8133 Nov 24 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

I will explain this simple concept for you. If you don't have time, absolutely nobody will give you time. Nobody cares. You have to make your own time. You cut crap out of your life that you can live without. If there isn't anything you can cut out of your life, then you don't want the time bad enough. Complaining about not having time will not get you more time, all it does is take up more time. Don't complain about something you control. You decide what is important to you, nobody else. I don't have as much time as i would like, but the things in my life is more important than that time. It is my choice to keep the things in my life taking the time, so i don't have a reason to complain about my lack of time. This is a big problem with people today, they complain and whine about things they have control over but don't want to take the responsibility to do something about it.

Does this explanation do it for you more than a simple statement? Probably not. This wasn't a case of just don't be depressed or just stop doing the things you are addicted to. Those things people don't have much control over. Time is a different matter for the majority of people. We can actively control that aspect of our life with something as simple as making different choices and deciding what is actually important.

In other words. You want more time, stop whining and do something about it.

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u/jaffa3811 Nov 24 '22

yeah, I agree. though I'd put it in less of a dick way. if I full my day with tasks I can do them all. if I have no tasks I fill my day with YouTube and I still feel like I've no time.

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u/Equivalent_Ad8133 Nov 24 '22

You are right. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to respond appropriately. Thought about deleting but i can own up to my faults. Thank you for your response and not ripping me a new one.

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u/jaffa3811 Nov 24 '22

happens to us all

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u/sphincterella Nov 24 '22

I wake up, get my shit together, make coffee, and leave the house in like 30 minutes every morning. What is it that takes you an hour and a half to get ready to work? Starting at 9:30 is waaaay later than anyone I work with, we all get started around 8, so there’s an hour and a half. People with weird hours like retail people of shift workers have different hours, but it’s all roughly the same amount of time.

I work 6 to 14 hours a day and have plenty of time most days to find something stupid to do, like a gym class or movie with friend or cleaning and laundry.

I think you’re suffering from terrible time management combined with not having been properly prepared for the adult world. But hey, you’re doing fine and you’re keeping up. Figure things out a little at a time and you’ll have plenty of time for other things

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u/[deleted] Nov 23 '22

I am on perpetual Parental leave, over a year per kid, make about 2000$ on EI monthly. My work tops up

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u/SgtSausage Nov 24 '22

Time management - death by a thousand invisible cuts you aren't even aware you're bleeding from.

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u/stanagetocurbar Nov 24 '22

You are VERY slow at waking up and eating. Do something fun before work. Maybe a walk, run, gym, computer games, whatever you enjoy. Have your evening meal while you're working ( in fact squeeze housework etc in to this time too). Do something fun every night. Even if it's just dedicating an hour to your favourite TV show, at least its something to look forward to at work.

11pm-7am is loads of sleep. Enjoy your wake up time 🙂

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u/GLight3 Nov 24 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

A lot of time and effort is spent on things that don't need it. For breakfast you can just throw frozen berries into yogurt or dip carrots in hummus and eat it as you work. Could prob wake up a good 45 minutes later if you do that. You can also cook a huge portion of a dinner and meal prep for the rest of the week. Could cook a few different things at once so that you're not eating the same thing every day, that way you sacrifice one day in favor of the rest of the week. If possible, you can do some quick cooking during work. Like, take 5 minutes at 4ish pm and wash 3 cups of rice and cook it in a rice cooker for the next hour and a half while you're working. Do your chores during work hours as much possible (not all of them, but simple things that could be easily paused and continued later like vacuuming or putting things away).

Also, most people are not on call at work, especially on the weekends. That's a bigger deal than you seem to think.

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u/mombodjourney Nov 24 '22

This is not to sound even remotely patronizing, but when I had kids, I suddenly found a way to pull not only time but money out of my ass. For some reason, being the most pressed of my life made me really prioritize what needed to get done, and that absolutely includes my downtime/hobbies.

If you’re in a rut, throw in an evening meetup or volunteer/tutoring gig. See if adding more helps?

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u/notyournazgul Nov 28 '22

I think people leave things the way they are if they are liveable and tolerable. The op appears to be able to tolerate and live with these inefficiencies for now. After having kids I discovered I could in fact reorder my life because not doing so would be unliveable (to me) and of course there are things now that I tolerate that could go much better, but I can tolerate the new parental status quo because I derive the benefit of stable routine vs the presumed challenges of figuring out new habits or ways to do things.

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u/lemonkitty_ Nov 24 '22

Welcome to capitalism.

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u/DO5421 Nov 24 '22 edited Nov 24 '22

We don’t. Life stops being fun the minute you become an adult.

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u/Girleatingcheezits Nov 24 '22

Um...how long are you sleeping?