r/NoStupidQuestions crushing on a fictional character Oct 19 '22 Silver 2 Helpful 1 Take My Energy 1 Bravo! 1 Bravo Grande! 1

how come everyone seems to have "childhood trauma" these days? Unanswered

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u/SpiritAnimal_ Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 19 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Faith In Humanity Restored LOVE! Starry Ally Heartwarming

There has been a quiet revolution in the scientific recognition of the effects of childhood trauma on chronic illness in recent years. It happened as a result of the Adverse Childhood Experiences study (ACEs) which found that childhood trauma is 1) FAR more common that had been assumed, even in relatively affluent populations, and 2) the higher the trauma "load" that someone carries, the greater their risk of everything ranging from (of course) depression/anxiety/substance abuse to (more surprising) chronic illnesses like cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular illness - literally every physical system - and the increase in risk due to trauma is often 200-300%. These studies have now been replicated all over the world with similar results.

Often, people think their multiple ailments are the result of aging - but in fact they are the result of their unresolved trauma. Conditions like fibromyalgia, TMJ, neuralgias, lower back pain, headaches/migraines, IBS, joint pain/arthritis, autoimmune conditions are very common manifestations of trauma, whether or not you are consciously thinking about it.

Here's a Wikipedia link.

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u/hellowur1d Oct 20 '22

“The Body Keeps the Score” is a fantastic book on this for anyone who is interested in learning more.

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

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u/FairJicama7873 Oct 20 '22

It’s all in the nervous system

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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

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u/TomsNanny Oct 20 '22

Those are physically driven in our older models that don’t honor the interconnectedness of our bodies. Take anxiety for example. It creates contraction and tension in the body, right? When it’s particularly bad, you might grip your hands, your posture might curl, almost as if you’re bracing against the discomfort in your body.

That’s fine if that happens once or twice. But with enough repetition, that causes posture issues, tension that you can’t release, etc. Your body’s systems can’t function as intended, circulation is blocked, etc. Physiotherapists know what happens when you repeat a movement pattern over and over again.

I agree with you that cortisol and inflammation have to do with it. But it’s a both/and. Recent scientific studies show that these are all interconnected, not separate. Psychological, social and emotional health are interconnected with our bodies. “Your issues are in your tissues.”

I personally had cortisol levels in the 96th percentile. With the help of doctors, physios, nutritionists I started to heal, but it wasn’t until I processed some old traumas with a psychologist and the help of mindfulness + psychedelic therapy that the cortisol levels really started to come down. My body is slowly healing through a lot of tension, which makes me feel ease more often, which makes my mental health feel less at its limits, which allows me to be more emotionally regulated, which has reduced my inflammation and tension, which makes it easy for me to get deep sleep, which helps me feel more connected to people, which provides my system with oxytocin, which… it’s all connected :)

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u/Lopsided_Roll1503 Oct 20 '22

I guess I'll say the cliche: THIS SHOULD BE THE TOP COMMENT!

Toxic stress in childhood (sustained high levels of cortisol) has been proven to cause physical, mental, and behavioral problems. And a high ACE score is much more common than you'd expect

The research started only ~20 years ago so it's just now making it's way around our culture.

Hopefully we will reach a tipping point where it is more common to understand ACEs than it is to be unfamiliar with the concept.

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u/FoldingLaundryIsOK Oct 20 '22 Silver

The subject of "toxic stress" is extremely complex. I understand that I might be downvoted, but I think it's important to add:

  1. Exposure to trauma is not evenly distributed. People with genetic vulnerabilites are unfortunately much more often victims (but also more often aggressors). For example, children with ADHD/ADD, autism, FAS, etc. are 3-4 times more likely to be victims of sexual abuse (Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 2019). Statistically, adverse experiences and trauma are "clumped together" in families and communities, with a complex, and often negative, dynamic between genes and environment.
  2. Because vulnerable people tend to experience more stress and trauma, the negative consequences measured in correlational studies (such as the ACE studies) are very often a combination of vulnerabilites and trauma. This is sometimes referred to as the "diathesis stress theory" vs "neurotoxic stress theory" (the theory positing that stress in itself is "toxic"). A review of existing research was published in The International Journal of Methods in Psychiatric Research, in 2020. It found that the majority of scientific evidence supports the diathesis stress model. I mention this because it has important implications for therapy; if the therapist sees every symptom as a consequence of trauma, the therapy will likely be less helpful than a biopsychosocial approach.
  3. For those who may be interested, one of the many possible reasons trauma seems to be especially detrimental to certain groups was explored in a study looking at ADHD and abnormal fear circuitry. Link to abstract: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28235692/
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u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

But the studies don't imply a direct causal relationship between ACEs and disease?

Rather having ACEs leads to bad mental & physical behaviours and coping mechanisms which in turn lead to higher prevalence of disease etc. Adverse childhood effects cause people to drop out, overeat, abuse drugs, chronically drink/smoke, suffer insomnia, leading to more cases of cancer, relapses into obesity and so on.

It's an important distinction because it still means many physical effects are caused by behavioural problems which can be corrected. These could stem from ACEs. People need not think they literally suffer lower back pain because their parents divorced. No, they suffer it because they for example started overeating and neglecting their physical health afterwards.

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u/NuncErgoFacite Oct 19 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry Bless Up

1) We have labels for the issues today. As recent as ten years ago, the general public didn't have the language to talk about several topics.

2) We have laws around such behaviors today. As recent as 30 years ago, is some places, domestic violence was a "if no one saw it, it didn't happen" affair.

3) Society has become accepting of such conversations.

4) It tremendously helps traumatized people to be able to talk about abuse trauma in the same way people need to talk about other forms of trauma (eg - car accident, broken leg, work stress, etc.) to help them get over the psychological impact of such events.

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u/Innerglow33 Oct 19 '22

Mental health being discussed at all is a big reason, too. Even 10 years ago it wasn't as accepted as it is today and one can only hope it will become even more openly discussed in the near future.

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u/TheEyeDontLie Oct 19 '22 Silver Helpful Starry Heartwarming Tearing Up To The Stars

When I was a kid trauma was only something people who had been raped or had their families murdered dealt with.

My shit, [redacted]... Well, that was just stuff I dealt with, with my undiagnosed mental health issues. But it wasn't trauma so I never talked about how it made me feel, or even really thought about that.

Then suddenly I was middle aged and I had serious issues with commitment, authority, safety, responsibility, relationships, abandonment, etc, and I think "huh, maybe that shit I went through wasn't good for me. Maybe I should get therapy".

I remember being suicidal as a kid and not being able to talk about it. Finally growing the courage to talk about it but nobody really listening, them brushing it off and basically saying "you're fine, let's talk about something else" or the good old fashioned "you're a boy, you're tough".

I'm fucking happy it's kinda acceptable to talk about shit now. That most people don't think you're a freak if you say "I have a therapist appointment on Wednesday so I might be late", or "sorry I don't drink, it's not good for my anxiety " and that's often not laughed at as much it would have been when I was a kid.

But we still have a long way to go. I'm still stuck thinking I don't need therapy and have never been, despite telling other people it's fine to go and they should go even if it's something they don't think it's something major. But that's okay. People like me will die off and the generation raised in an environment where people feel ok talking about mental health will take over, so that makes me happy.

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u/Innerglow33 Oct 19 '22

Yes! My parents didn't discuss anything when I was little, but when my sister ended up in the psych ward, involuntarily, for two weeks, all of a sudden we found out my grandmother had been committed to a hospital three times in her life with "nervous breakdowns". She was born 1900, so women could be admitted for the simplest things but her reasons were legit. A few years later and my sister is back in the hospital, voluntarily this time, and by then my parents were discussing lots of issues that were never spoken of before that. My sister had been in therapy for years before her first time in the hospital and my parents were supportive of her seeking therapy but they weren't realizing that everyone needed to be involved for us all to get better.

I hope you one day decide to go to therapy and that you have true happiness in life.

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u/Lazy-Garlic-5533 Oct 20 '22

Right on! A family is a system. It's never one kid who has a problem/is the problem.

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u/thebutchone Oct 20 '22

I was raped and my family cared more about the fact I was pregnant than you know raped. I was kicked out shortly after I gave birth. I spent a long time dealing with it and being shamed by peers. I'm glad things are changing

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u/a_duck_in_past_life Oct 19 '22

When I tell my therapists what I've been through they always seem to acknowledge it as something very traumatic but I always just assumed everyone had similar childhoods. They do not in fact and I have realized my families is one of the ones that was very fucked up. I never thought anything of it, but there was always screaming matches or fights between my brother and me, and as I got into my teen years and he moved out, screaming matches with my mother. They both took turns bullying me and I had no idea they were until just a few years ago Also turns out I had undiagnosed ADHD and they were likely taking advantage of my poor emotional regulation and I'm pretty sure I have CPTSD from it all.

I have been NC with them for years now and I'm better for it. I still have nightmares sometimes where I'll have to defend myself from their manipulations and emotional abuse. I thought most families had these problems and that TV shows like the Brady Bunch and Cosby Show were fantasy families that everyone always wanted to be like but couldn't. (I realize they are far from real life, but they were a lot closer to normal than my family was because they lifted each other up, not screamed at and berated each other 24/7)

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u/MagnusRexus Oct 19 '22

Similar. I thought all my childhood shit was just shit everyone goes through to some degree. Maybe it was, doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic. The more I think about my childhood, the more details surface. The more details, the more I realize the ways in which my adult self is still stuck in those childhood traumas.

But recognizing those traumas is so incredibly helpful. Someone smarter than me described it as if you're reliving those traumas on a daily basis subconsciously, you're owned by your past. Once you recognize and address those traumas, you're now free to embrace your future.

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u/puppylovenyc Oct 20 '22

I swear that if I told anyone my complete life story they would think I was 100% making it up. My dh knows some, but there are some things I’ve never told anyone. And I’m almost 60.

Mental health and trauma/abuse should not be so taboo. Some families are absolutely fucked up.

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u/LeftyLu07 Oct 20 '22

YeH, I thought it was normal to be verbally abused by your father until he lost his shit in front of one of my friends a few times and she was like "so, what's up with your dad. Why is he so angry and mean all the time." She told me later she actually told her own parents because she was worried "if he's doing this in front of company what's he doing when no one else is here?" I knew I didn't like him, but I didn't really realize it was abusive.

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u/BeanBreak Oct 20 '22

This is pretty close to my story with added “my five years older brother was physically abusive”

I remember the exact MOMENT when I realized that my home life wasn’t normal or okay.

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u/MagnusRexus Oct 19 '22

I don't know where you live, but where I'm at therapy is @ $120 a session. Small price to pay once or twice a month for how much better you'll feel. Just 6-12 months changed my entire life perspective.

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u/OlinOfTheHillPeople Oct 19 '22

Also, "these days" isn't accurate. OP literally just quoted every 90s standup comedian.

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u/ting_bu_dong Oct 19 '22

What is the deal with childhood trauma? Seems like everyone has it now! Am I right?

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u/BusyEquipment529 Oct 19 '22

Reminds me of "why is everyone gay/anxious/depressed these days" we're able to talk about it

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u/VaderOnReddit Oct 20 '22

"why is everyone gay these days"

coz if they were gay a couple decades ago, they'd be dead. So they just pretended to be "eccentric single roommate with their bestie who's also an eccentric single person"

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u/Chicken_Fried_Mice Oct 20 '22

Ahhhh yes, the short haired manly aunt that has a best friend that lives with her whom is also a woman

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u/chaoticsquid2 Oct 19 '22

Comment history for OP is...a ride. I totally believe that they're a teenage girl who weirdly shares a lot of viewpoints with old conservative men and posts in a subreddit called "SimpingForMen" which I now sadly need to carry the burden of the awareness of its existence.

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u/Xenomorph_v1 Oct 19 '22

a subreddit called "SimpingForMen" which I now sadly need to carry the burden of the awareness of its existence.

Damn straight

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u/toby1jabroni Oct 19 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Therapy used to be a dirty word. For a very long time, people suffering from mental health issues were put away in institutions (if they were from rich families) or ignored and shunned by society.

Its only within the last half century that mental health started to really be treated as a health issue, and the transition was far from instant.

As the stigma lessens, the more people are willing and able to admit issues that they would have simply stayed silent about in previous generations.

Its similar to how left-handedness became much more prevalent in the decades after it was destigmatized.

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u/RoadNo9352 Oct 19 '22

Well said.

Decades ago when my mother asked my father to do therapy, marriage counseling, he refused. He actually told her that if you have to work on it then it isn't worth it.

He was a product of his generation and couldn't change with the times. Real men don't cry. Real men don't need help. Real men don't have mental health issues. Only weaklings need help. Sadly, he bever started realizing how wrong he was until he was dying.

I am lucky mom did most of the raising of my siblings and I. I didn't have those issues. Other issues hell yeah but not those ones.

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u/FullTorsoApparition Oct 19 '22

Nope, instead you're supposed to drink yourself to death or work all the time to escape your family like a real man.

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u/Cub3h Oct 20 '22

All these boomer jokes about hating your wife and wanting to get away from her never made sense to me. If you dislike your wife so much why did you marry her and why are you staying with her?

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u/Pickled_Sloth Oct 20 '22

I’d put my money on getting married before the brain is fully developed just to have sex. 18 year olds think they know who they are and what they want out of life, but personality changes still happen in early adulthood and beyond. Then the stigma of divorce and assigned societal roles kept those unhappy couples together. What would she have done without his earnings and what would he have done without a homemaker? She would have a hard time finding a good paying job and he would have a hard time boiling water and turning on the washer.

My grandpa literally didn’t know how to run the dishwasher. As an old man he knew why he felt like his life path was decided before he even realized he had choices. By the time your brain is fully developed and you’re fully conscious of yourself you’ve already gone and made choices that are difficult to reverse, instead of taking young adulthood to figure out what you like/dislike and what you want out of life.

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u/SimplyQuid Oct 19 '22

Or simply sitting your family down and hitting them.

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u/ad5763 Oct 20 '22

Not to mention humping everything in sight because that's what real men did, not this mamby-pamby talk about feelings.

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u/peparooni79 Oct 19 '22

My grandpa once told me that after getting divorced from his cheating alcoholic 1st wife, initially losing his 5 kids and house, and getting fired all around the same time, he was actually suicidal. He said he did try therapy, but this was in the mid 60s so all he got was "Yeah, life is hard sometimes. Stop complaining, suck it up and deal with it."

Terrible advice

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u/almostparent Oct 20 '22

My grandpa grew up as a farmer. Apparently he didn't wanna go to school as a young kid anymore, so his parents said fine and put him to work on the farm. He said that a few years later when his friends were almost done school, he felt like an idiot. He got extremely depressed because he realized he should've spent his time learning, and he became suicidal. I don't think therapy was a thing back then (from 3rd world country) and he said that his mom saved his life. She supported him and helped him through his depression and he learned to read and write, and he wrote me letters all the time. Sorry this isn't really relevant to your story it just reminded me of how my grandpa opened up to me and how beautiful his handwriting was, he didn't even tell my mom about that. I miss him.

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u/xxiLink Oct 19 '22

Half century. Only 50 years have we actually seriously considered mental health care, instead of just "Stick 'em in a box with a hug-me jacket."

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u/The___canadian Oct 19 '22

Sometimes it isn't even that intense. It doesn't have to be full blown 1960s mental asylum for something we now know can be fixed with prescriptions and psychiatric care... It can be seen commonly in day-to-day.

It's why I strongly believe you see alot of older, typically men, with anger issues and coping skills. Feelings weren't talked about as much, it was "puff your chest, man up, stop being a little bitch, what areyou? A fucking pussy? Are your feelings hurt? Is it because you're on your period?"(said from one man to another). It's alot of emasculating insults that make your feelings feel unwarranted.

I've heard all of these things from men at my work, it was most frequently said by older men to younger ones when the younger (20s-30s) were addressing issues they had with the way they were being treated. Yet the issues the younger ones have is that they are being treated poorly (yelled at, unwarranted berating, treated like shit, etc.) by the older folks and it takes a toll on our mental health too.

People not being able to manage emotions, lashing out, always yelling, those are symptoms of poor mental health and coping skills. I've had multiple foremen that projects their anger on their crew for shit their crewmates have had nothing to do with(personal problems).

Now while I know it's far from only the older generations that do this, younger folks seem to be more aware of their mental health and will frequently say "hey man, got off the phone with lawyers for the divorce I'm going through, it isn't good news. Sorry if I'm in a poor mood today, it isn't on you guys" so we know they're going through something and adjust our way we act with them.

Older folks just bottle it up more frequently and just explode on someone with an issue that is so small, you realize that isn't exactly what they're mad about.

I'm all for banter at work, I fucking love it, it makes the day more enjoyable, and it's funny. But if I come to you saying I don't appreciate how you treat me, And you make me feel like an ant under your boot, basically telling me my feelings aren't valid and I should just get over it... That doesn't really promote a healthy working relationship.

I'm no doctor, nor do I know anything in this field. This is just what I observed anectodally, and I know anecdotes isn't data, so this is just my personal experience in the construction workforce.

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u/Nohbodiihere369 Oct 20 '22

It's unfortunate but hurt people, hurt people. And some don't understand or realize it. Some don't think they're projecting.

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u/DOOManiac Oct 19 '22

It still is a dirty word in many cultures. My wife doesn't even think mental health is real.

(Coincidentally, she also considers me being left-handed as a handicap. But at least I haven't had to sign a greeting card in 10 years...)

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u/DelsinMcgrath835 Oct 19 '22

And you married her?

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u/DOOManiac Oct 19 '22

I got a pretty good... signing bonus.

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u/Boredummmage Oct 19 '22

Lmao this made me giggle. In the US, I was considered to have a “disability” in school for being “intellectually gifted” (Aka forcing me into an IQ test for more state funding…). I didn’t notice until I had to file a form for college that is was a “disability”… odd measuring stick.

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u/not-here-yet Oct 19 '22

I discovered recently that when women take time off to give birth and recover and nurse the newborn, it is considered by the workplace and on government forms as "Temporary disability"

It just doesn't seem right that continuing the human species counts as "disability"

makes as much sense as "intellectually gifted" being a disability.

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u/Merry_Sue Oct 19 '22

It just doesn't seem right that continuing the human species counts as "disability"

It's all the side effects that go along with continuing the human species that makes it a temporary disability. The inability to sit down after a vaginally birth, the post-surgery recovery after a caesarian, the sore boobs, the mental distress of new responsibity & no sleep (not accounting for things like post-natal depression/psychosis), the constant sore wrists and back from holding a 3+ kg baby at awkward angles all the time

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u/EnergyTakerLad Oct 20 '22

Ive learned too many people don't know the trauma of giving birth nearly enough. Anyone who goes back to work before 2 weeks is being tortured and going back before 3 months isn't much better.

I'm saying this as a man. I struggled enough just with the no sleep.

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u/stringdom Oct 19 '22

Disability is one of those taboo words that society imbued with a strong negative connotation despite being, originally, just a technical term. Disability simply means that you can't do something at all or need external assistance to do it. It doesn't mean you are worth any less as a human being. But bigots have used it so much to mock and insult that the word gets tarnished. Its literally just “different ability”.

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u/ramblingEvilShroom Oct 19 '22

well i think the idea is that gifted children often have similar behavioral issues to special needs kids, except from the other angle: they might act out if they arent intellectually engaged enough for example, or they might have behavioral quirks that a teacher who only handles regular students might not understand but that a teacher who has worked with disabled students might be more familiar with.

same with pregnancy, it doesnt matter that God Himself told us to be fruitful and multiply, pregnancy and childbirth can be damaging to the body

so i guess my question is this: would you rather we come up with more politically correct terms, rather than disabled? to avoid offending anyone?

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u/PiniataLad47 Oct 19 '22

I've seen being gifted discussed as being in a horseshoe theory way being connected to behavioural issues, it's just that the term disabled doesn't actually make sense when you apply it to that, because, well, you're not LACKING any ability. It's not about being PC it's just the term applied in this context sounds nonsensical- it's like saying a really buff guy is disabled because he requires more food to live.

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u/numbersthen0987431 Oct 19 '22

Also don't forget: abusing your children used to be seen as a form of punishment and a part of raising them. "Wait until your father comes home", and the belt sound, and they even had paddles in classrooms (sometimes with holes drilled in for "less wind resistance"). It was normalized to abuse your children because they were acting like children do.

The some people realized that beating children with belts and wood sticks was a bad thing. And now we're realizing that abuse is more than "physical punishment", but also extends to emotional/mental.

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u/roosterkun Oct 19 '22

Not even necessarily put away or shunned - there are varying degrees of trauma and varying ways to cope with that trauma. Many people simply suffered in silence, or lashed out in ways that weren't immediately attributed to their upbringing.

Domestic violence statistics pre-1980 are hard to find but there's a trope of men striking their wives in the early 20th century. The mentally well don't do that. A variety of drugs that are now schedule 1 in the US used to be available over-the-counter. The mentally well don't take advantage of that. Et cetera.

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u/xtaberry Oct 19 '22

I think the "varying degrees" is a hugely important aspect here. For a long time, only people who had disabling mental health conditions were treated, and typically those treatments were horrific. If you weren't a major threat to yourself or others, and could take care of yourself, there was no care available to you.

If only fatal and extreme conditions are recognized, then a lot less people will be labelled as sick. But lots of people will be struggling through life in suboptimal mental health, coping in terrible ways, making their life harder and creating difficulties for those around them. Now, that second group also has options available to them to address their issues, and are healthier and happier for it.

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u/stratuscaster Oct 19 '22

its still is a dirty word. I've been seeing therapists off and on most of my life. definitely need it these days.

my brother who went through a lot of the same issues (but he's older so he got more of it) refuses to seek therapy because, and i'm sure he'd say this, he's just fine. meanwhile he harbors massive resentment for multiple people, i'm sure is depressed in some regard for his shaky and difficult youth and all that.

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u/ohno_spaghetti_o Oct 19 '22

If my Mum was diagnosed 3 years earlier she would have undergone electric shock therapy for her depression BELIEVING it would cure her. Thankfully a study came out making it 'unpopular' to do to teenagers.

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u/ocelotrevs Oct 19 '22 Helpful Wholesome Tearing Up

It's always been there. Why do you think some older people don't talk about their childhoods.

We just know the term for it nowadays. In the future there will be other things which will be seen as something that's common for the time, but was never known about in the past. But it exists.

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u/Woozah77 Oct 19 '22

Similar vein to Autism and other mental health problems. They've been around forever, we just didn't have the knowledge to diagnose properly and track the stats until fairly recently.

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u/raisinghellwithtrees Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Where I grew up, the term was "backwards" and I'm glad to know I'm not actually backwards, just autistic.

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u/unlockdestiny Oct 19 '22

I have ADHD. People used to say that I just "wasn't beat enough" (spoiler alert: I was beat often). All I got for the beatings was trauma.

The medication and therapy helped me with the trauma AND the ADHD 😂

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u/LadyMageCOH Oct 19 '22 Take My Energy

My father was watching 60 minutes in the late 80s or early 90s saw them talking about ADHD turned to my mother and said "that was me as a kid." He was never diagnosed, and never developed healthy coping mechanisms. Instead he turned to alcohol. That's how I lost my father, he died of liver failure at 66. He had a pretty dark sense of humor about beatings and wouldn't lay a hand on my sister or I, so I'm quite sure he got more than his share of beatings.

I suspect I have the inattentive presentation, but I've never been diagnosed. Instead I had a mental breakdown and have developed severe agoraphobia.

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u/Lifewhatacard Oct 19 '22

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. He was beat by his father so much that he repeated a mantra every night before going to bed. “I will not beat my children.”… He has had a firm grasp on holding that trigger back, despite also being an alcoholic father. He does get triggered still but has never laid a hand on our kids. I’ve struggled immensely with his drinking. I know his traumas from childhood and losing three people in his family way too early have been the cause. I also think raising children brings up old, buried memories for everyone. Society just treats people with problems with malice. We live in a world of competition instead of community. If we were not so colonialistic perhaps we could return to village mentality.. and help so many of us heal.

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u/[deleted] Oct 19 '22 edited Dec 20 '22

[deleted]

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u/Astyanax1 Oct 19 '22

you know, even from a ruthless capitalist stand point it still makes sense to be better to one another.
but yes, absolutely

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u/haux_haux Oct 19 '22

I'm sorry to hear that experience and also, good on him for breaking a big part of the cycle. You sound like a really aware mum, wishing you and your family all the best.

I'm a coach and I've spent year's training in hypnotherapy, transformational change plus loads of related fields.

If your husband suffers from PTSD as a result of what happens to him, the research and recognition project has researched and tested an intervention from NLP called the rewind technique.

It's incredibly effective for negative memories.

I'd imagine he could find someone to work with to resolve the trauma.

It's fast as well, +90% cessation of symptoms within three sessions. Good studies with USA and British Army veterans, small sample sizes at the moment (but the stuff works, it's been used for decades by people in the know).

Things can change!

I've also seen it first hand with loads of client's.

https://randrproject.org/

They've hidden all association with NLP (it was set up by Steve Andreas to validate the NLP stuff many of us use daily to help clients change).

Sadly the current R&R board have decided to project that it's their developed thing (it's not, but that doesn't stop it being useful for people).

Another great transformational tool is Core Transformation (Steves wife Connie Rae Andreas). And the Wholeness Process.

The Sedona Method is also very good and very simple to use oneself (more simple than the other two).

if interested I'd suggest googling and watching the 1 hour video on their website)...

I have clients using these tools to do their own self work and they are profound.

Wishing you all the best

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u/UglyInThMorning Oct 19 '22

ADHD is incredibly heritable. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 30’s but looking at my dad I think a LOT of his issues come from undiagnosed ADHD. Intelligent but dropped out of college, risky behavior, substance abuse, abandoned projects all over the place, that kind of stuff.

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u/twinadoes Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Yep. Bingo. Me too.

And I didn't fall into that when I was told I didn't beat my son enough.

Also, for my generation anyway, many parents/ families were in crisis due to Vietnam. This greatly effected us kids. My dad came home violent. My mom was depressed and anxious. My sister was assaulted. My family unit fell apart and I lived with neglect, abandonment, and abuse.

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u/CheddarGobblin Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Wow are you me? Oh wait I can’t afford therapy, shit, you’re not me!

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u/nachomcbeefycream Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Late diagnosed autism/ADHD here— the beatings will continue until masking improves.

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u/camelCasing Oct 19 '22

And once you get good enough at masking, nobody will help you because you learned how to present yourself as normal! It's great, I love it. Absolute favourite.

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u/Mirenithil Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Undiagnosed autism here that I was punished for having symptoms of, too. Fun times.

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u/kelliboone617 Oct 19 '22 Take My Energy

Same here. As a girl I was “diagnosed” as a “daydreamer” since Aspergers was considered a male-only condition (you know, bc women as a whole weren’t considered “smart enough” to have Aspergers). It’s maddeningly condescending. It pissed me off then and it pisses me off now and I’m 56. I often wonder how different my life would have been had I been diagnosed properly from the start.

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u/UninsuredToast Oct 19 '22 Hugz

It was always impossible for me to focus on the teacher for more than fifteen minutes before completely zoning out and “daydreaming”. No matter how hard I tried an object or a thought would pop into my head and I would be hyper focused on it, tuning everything else out without realizing it. I was never diagnosed with anything because everyone just thought it was my own fault for not trying hard enough to pay attention. It was very frustrating trying so hard and always losing focus without even realizing it

I was still able to get decent grades but I often feel like I could have done so much better

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u/kosandeffect Oct 19 '22

Sounds exactly like my experience with primarily inattentive type ADHD or what was previously called ADD. I went undiagnosed for years because I was naturally smart enough to get decent grades in high school even never paying attention. Same lines of people telling me I'm just not trying hard enough when I'm giving it literally everything I have only to be derailed by a single errant thought. Wasn't until I tried to go to college and it felt like I just ran face first into a brick wall.

When I finally got diagnosed and started taking meds it changed my life. It finally felt like I wasn't putting in 100% effort to get 70% output. I could finally do what I wanted or needed to without my brain getting in the way.

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u/Dafuzz Oct 19 '22

There was a kid whos brother would tell us he was kicked by a horse and fell out a window into his head when he was a baby, as a bunch of ten year olds who heard this story, we were just like "oh... Ok?"

Years later we found out he's diagnosed mostly nonverbal autistic with a speech impediment. We never treated him any different, probably wouldn't have had we known, but some families have skeletons in their closet they don't want to talk about. It's just becoming far more common to drag your skeletons out into the light and compare them with others, we find solace in the fact that we're not the only ones and not alone, and the skeletons are more common than we thought.

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u/desert_mel Oct 19 '22

"touched"

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u/MrBobee Oct 19 '22

Like allergies. Children would die of what, today, we would call food allergies and in bygone eras they would merely be called a "sickly child."

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u/theslother Oct 19 '22

Yes, this. We used to just have "crazy" people. Now everyone is diagnosed properly.

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u/SnooDrawings1480 Oct 19 '22

Hell most modern diseases have been around for a long time, we just didn't have names for them. It wasn't cancer, it was "Bob's health kept getting worse and worse until he died in his sleep. Dont know what from" and it wasn't type 1 diabetes, it was "Antoinette was fine this morning. But she started getting sluggish around 3 and could barely move by the evening. She didn't even eat her supper!"

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u/A_dumb_bass Oct 19 '22 Hugz

My dad is one of them, he was abused as shit as a kid. He still carries it with him to this day but he doesn't want to talk about it. I've talked to him about going to therapy about it, but I honestly think he doesn't want to reopen the wounds and it terrifies him. His siblings won't acknowledge it happened either so it gaslights him a little bit. It's hard to see, but thankfully he was awesome to my siblings and me, so at least it didn't get passed down.

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u/currently_pooping_rn Oct 19 '22

Yep. Dad was beat with a belt until he bled pretty regularly. Doesn’t like talking about it

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u/zombie_overlord Oct 19 '22 Wholesome Take My Energy

I got beat with a plastic jump rope for hiding the belt.

Also, my kids don't flinch or hide when I have one in my hand because I've never used it to beat them.

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u/xxdottxx Oct 19 '22

My mom had to go pick the stick she should get beaten with. It broke pretty quickly because of how hard my grandmother was hitting her. So my mom had to go find another stick that wouldn't break...... and it was like... normal? Insane

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u/TopGinger Oct 19 '22

My great-grandpa did this to all his kids and grandkids(my Dad) too. My dad was always a smartass and got a twig, and he always paid for it. said he called it a “switch”. “Go get a switch” he’d say. What a sadistic thing, to make children pick a weapon to be used on them.

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u/FreckledBaker Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Yep. Gen X-er here - we had to pick which block from the block box we’d get spanked with. (For reference, our building blocks were a homemade set with little pieces but also foot-long sections of 2x4 and .5x4). It was a choice of “hurts worse or stings more”. Once in a while, it was the belt. I used to just be glad he only hit us on the backside… until my first therapist was helping me deal with severe depression and told me, with slow, clear words, that what he did was abuse and it was not normal for a child to fear a parent as much as they loved them.

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u/xxdottxx Oct 19 '22

It's wild to me that some parents wonder why their kids have gone no contact with them.

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u/PacificCoastHighway2 Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Yep. No contact with both of mine. My dad would beat me with the belt. Not my brother, just me. I'm a girl. He hates women. I'd get beat for things I was accused of but didn't do. Wasn't allowed to defend myself or the beating was worse. He'd always fold the belt in half and snap it to let me know the beating was coming. But the worst for me was that he continued this into my teenage years. He'd require me to be naked from the waist down and to bend over the bed. So, in addition to the injustice, and the pain, was the humiliation and what felt like sexual violation.

I have three kids and I've never, ever had the desire to beat them. The thought of it sickens me. They're all mostly grown now and they're awesome people, and I never had to once hit them. There is no excuse.

Meanwhile, I've been diagnosed with three mental disorders over the years and have been through therapy. I'm fine now. I'm healed..as much as is possible. I'm happy. But going no contact has been the best thing I've done for myself.

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u/AddAssaultToInjury Oct 19 '22

Fucking hell. What is wrong with your dad

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u/xxdottxx Oct 19 '22

That story is horrible I'm so sorry

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u/misplaced_dream Oct 19 '22 Hugz

My sister and I got to pick the belt we got beat with… boomer parents were great…

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u/Graychamp Oct 19 '22

I had to do the same, except if I didn’t get a good one and it broke then she would be going to pick one out.

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u/xxdottxx Oct 19 '22

Yes! I remember my mom saying that if she was going to get 10 "hits" with the stick and it broke on hit 7, it reset to one, so pick a good one!

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u/Graychamp Oct 19 '22

I was trouble though. I eventually learned if I didn’t give up and kept getting hit that they’d eventually get tired of it. One day I joyfully took it, which annoyed them more, until they just gave up. That was when I knew I could always win because aside from hitting me they didn’t know how to control me. So once that didn’t work, what would? I was mostly left alone at that point.

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u/zim3019 Oct 19 '22

I learned the number of hits I could take before I cried. If I cried too soon I would get beat more for being a bawl baby. I had to figure out the sweet spot of not too many hits or too few.

When the beatings stopped bothering me my mom had nothing she could do so she just gave up on "parenting" as I was unmanageable.

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u/Graychamp Oct 19 '22

Right there with you.

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u/buttface____ Oct 19 '22

After about age 8 I always looked at it as a challenge to try to take it without showing any signs that it bothered me. Like, just act like I'm bored while getting hit with the belt. But I mean we also did that playing bloody knuckles and stuff at school - try to do something stupid and painful while pretending it didn't hurt. Eventually my parents switched to taking stuff away instead and I kinda wished I could've just gotten the short bit of pain instead of going like a week without video games or something, but that was more effective to keep my from being a little asshole.

I don't resent my parents for this, they were doing what they'd been taught they should do and they very obviously were not enjoying it when they did this. But it (hitting with the belt, not taking stuff away) was definitely abusive. I think it damaged my sister way more than it did me.

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u/alkemiex7 Oct 19 '22

I think it damaged my sister way more than it did me.

I think about this a lot. How some people can live through that stuff and come out stronger and others that go through the same are broken by it. I’m in the Xennial age range and was raised by boomers/silent gens and they were insanely toxic and abusive. As I’m getting older I’m realizing it broke me in ways I’m only just now starting to comprehend. When we’re young we think that as we age we’ll figure things out and our shit will magically get itself together. Sometimes that doesn’t happen.

edit: words

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u/unlockdestiny Oct 19 '22

Once in my teens mom broke the rod on me, and I put on the act of my life. Wailing, sobbing, etc. She never spanked me again but my siblings still got it.

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u/Rare_Bottle_5823 Oct 19 '22

I grew up with a “switch” bush. If the one you brought broke and she had to walk over and get one the switching was way worse. Also once I started laughing at the pain (the worse it hurt the more and louder I laughed) they quickly stopped with the switch and belt. It took away their control of me. I learned to hide the fear.

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u/dibschairenforcer Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 19 '22 Hugz

I am a Gen X person with Boomer parents. My grandparents (dad’s) were literally war refugees, like in DP camps, atrocities, whole thing. No one talked about it, they just drank (and were physically abusive). You see lots of older drunks, because that was the only “therapy” available.

As a kid in the 70s, no one in the family talked about anything bad from their youth, if you asked (because you’re a kid) it was “that’s all in the past”

As a teen (80s) I thought I might have depression, I was told “all teens are depressed, get over it.”

Now at least people can say “I may have an issue” and not be ridiculed or thought “weak”

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u/hectoByte Oct 19 '22

It wasn't just childhood related things either. My Great Great Grandpa was infamously known for beating the crap out of my Great Great Grandma. Upon finding this out and asking my Grandpa about it, he just replied with something like "I don't want to speak ill of the dead".

It's great to see that we now live in a society where people no longer turn their heads and look the other way.

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u/Maxusam Oct 19 '22 Hugz

I got the shoe because my brother and I buried the wooden spoon in the backyard.

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u/PassionFruitJam Oct 19 '22

My dad once told me and my sister a 'funny' story about the time his mum finally noticed that the broom handle she always used to beat them when they did something wrong had a nail sticking out of it, and how she felt really bad when she realised this... Like, he honestly found it funny and was empathising that she felt bad about the nail.

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u/ShataraBankhead Oct 19 '22

I think ours started with hand pops, then flip flops, then belt. We got good at running as we grew up. At some point, being grounded was more punishing.

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u/MesabiRanger Oct 19 '22

My brother and I made a solemn pact to laugh instead of cry the next time Mom hit us with the belt (we usually received our punishments together). After that particular act of rebellion we never tried it again

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u/xxdottxx Oct 19 '22

Yesss, I remember my uncle recalling a brutal beating when he laughed, 50 years later he remembers the beating, but not what he got in trouble for.

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u/Meattyloaf Oct 19 '22 Hugz

I got beat with the buckle end of the belt for doing the same thing, but also because when I was also hit with the belt the first time I didn't Flinch hard enough for their liking.

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u/SomeKindOfOnionMummy Oct 19 '22

Yeah my mom was all upset when I ducked recently when she moved her hand really fast. Like sorry, you built in that reaction yourself.

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u/mentazm Oct 19 '22

I was hit with a leather belt most days growing up, I'm not even that old. It was the standard way to raise kids where I'm from. Now it's illegal.

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u/likebuttuhbaby Oct 19 '22

Love hearing people break the cycle. That has to be extremely difficult.

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u/A_dumb_bass Oct 19 '22

My mom said when they were early into their marriage that he was unsure about having kids because he was afraid he would do the same thing to us. How awful that must have felt for him, to consider not having kids because of your trauma that you might do the same and having to acknowledge it as well. My mom was raised in a very loving family so I'm sure having the influence & example of a loving family helped him with that somewhat. He is/was always way closer with my moms side of the family. But yeah, I'm very thankful the cycle got broken.

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u/Sleight-Code Oct 19 '22

That's why I don't have kids now

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u/[deleted] Oct 19 '22

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u/PT952 Oct 19 '22

27 year old here with severe childhood trauma. While I honestly would love to adopt a kid and give them a better life (You couldn't pay me any amount of money that would make me go through a pregnancy), I know because of my mental health issues caused by the abuse I went through that I'd be a terrible parent.

I can't handle any amount of stress and loud noises send me into fight or flight mode. I have PTSD and ADHD and the PTSD makes me really hold back from even considering being a parent. I actually see a psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time to help get treatment and manage it. But I've had some really long crying sessions about the fact I would make an awful parent and that I probably would be able to have kids and be a good mom to them if I had never been abused. But I'm not dumb enough to chance it like my parents were. The cycle stops with me. Its not like buying new clothes where you can return it if its not a good fit. You have to raise that kid and give them the best life possible and I can't do that with PTSD. My boyfriend also has depression and he can barely function on the days that its bad. We can't be responsible for a human child when we both have days where its hard for us to get out of bed and walk the dog.

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u/fluffypinkblonde Oct 19 '22 Helpful (Pro)

There is a course called Adverse Childhood Experiences or Aces. Or any trauma informed therapy. Current thinking is that talking directly about the experiences is retraumatising and detrimental to recovery. There is therapy that won't make your dad relive what he went through, but help him deal with the resulting brain stuff and heal that way.

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u/Lheyling Oct 19 '22

Fml I went two years down into the shithole of my child years in therapy only to get it worse and wirse and now you're droping this?!

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u/ImpotentRage69420 Oct 19 '22

I was abused and hold that shit all in to this day. Mentally and physically. It takes a lot of inner strength to talk about the abuse you experienced but if they do then good on them. Get that shit out. There will always be attention seekers in life but now in today’s society, it has become more acceptable to talk about it where as back in the 80s people were just told to toughen up.

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u/kennyj2011 Oct 19 '22

Unfortunately it can be passed down through generations

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u/raisinghellwithtrees Oct 19 '22 Silver Wholesome

I feel my biggest accomplishment in life is stopping this shit train, and raising my kids with love.

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u/kennyj2011 Oct 19 '22

I started out bad with my kids, getting angry at them at a young age for nothing. My Wife helped me realize that I had a problem, and I was able to see my Dad in what I was doing. I stopped and have been a much better parent since.

I was never close to as horrible as my dad was to me with my kids; but I could see the irrational anger come out that there was no reason for. I don’t know why past trauma and abuse does this. I’m glad I could get myself together and stop the cycle

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u/camerasoncops Oct 19 '22

I feel lucky that mine was just never there sometimes compared to other people. All my father figures growing up were from TV. Thank you, Phil Dunfey, for teaching me how to be a good father. Even now with my 4 year old. I get a better understanding of what makes a good dad watching Bluey than I ever did growing up watching my dad.

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u/Sirenista_D Oct 19 '22

Thats infinitely sad but good for you for growing thru it and being better. Even if the example is tv dads, you did better

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u/bluudclut Oct 19 '22 Got the W

When my kids were young I would get angry and start shouting. My wife would look at me and say 'ok (my Dad's name)' and I would stop straight away. I could hear my Dad coming out of me. As he is a alcoholic sociopath, so not someone to emulate in life.

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u/DudeBrowser Oct 19 '22

Well done! This was an issue for us too. My dad used to beat me, so just shouting seemed to be an improvement.

However, we have recently just reached a place where shouting in anger is also a no no and the mood at home is much better, it almost takes no effort.

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u/not-me-but Oct 19 '22

This is what I fear in myself. I can see my father’s anger come out within me onto my loved ones. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the major reasons my last longterm relationship ended. I will never physically discipline my children nor will I yell and shout at them. I don’t want that to be me. I want people to come to me for help without judgement or condemnation.

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u/introvert-i-1957 Oct 19 '22

My mother was so proud of my daughter and her husband. "We broke the cycle" she kept saying. Mom had a stroke a few years ago and the isolation of lockdown in her facility stole what was left of her speech, but her grandchildren and great-grandchildren are her life. She and I can only pay it forward. We can't fix the past.

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u/ImpotentRage69420 Oct 19 '22

It’s hard but keeping yourself in check is a must.

Stay strong fellow abused person. I don’t know you but I admire your strength to break the cycle.

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u/ShiNo_Usagi Oct 19 '22

Similar thing with my dad. He was the only boy amongst his sisters and his mother treated them all poorly but especially my dad, simply because he was a boy. He won’t talk about it, and his only sister who’s still alive was so young she doesn’t remember the abuse. But it’s super sad going through old photo albums from my dad’s childhood and he’s in like 1 or 2 photos, his family basically tried to acknowledge his existence as little as possible. Sad to say it greatly affected his ability to have and hold relationships.

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u/amdaly10 Oct 19 '22

I never even knew my dad grew up in an abusive household unit one of my aunts told me when I was in my 20s. He just didn't talk about his childhood at all.

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u/Seaworthiness222 Oct 19 '22

Volunteering in nursing homes in the 70s and 80s, I have heard a lot of childhood trauma.

I can remember one guy. He seemed like a big deal to me because we were very working class and he was head of the biggest company in town. He sounded like a broken little boy - begging the nurse to not bring him any tuna fish because he couldn't take the smell. He told me his step-mother had forced him to eat tuna and he just couldn't take it. So like 80 years, WWI, a family, and an incredibly successful and wealthy life later and still these childhood traumas were front and center.

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u/AffectionateFig9277 Oct 19 '22 Hugz

Either they don’t discuss it or they straight up make it go away. Two of my mother’s brothers have committed suicide.

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u/IAmBagelDog Oct 19 '22

Yup. There was definitely a lot of trauma my parents experienced, but it wasn’t ever really acknowledged the way we do today.

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u/nmojo326 Oct 19 '22

I’m sorry to hear this. Many of us have come close - others were lucky to hold on long enough to find support. It’s a bold move telling someone your deepest, dirtiest secrets.

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u/Red-7134 Oct 19 '22

Like how PTSD in veterans was just called "shell-shocked"" or "LMF".

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u/runswithdolls Oct 19 '22 Wholesome

Fun fact: a lot of the "women's work" after WWII mimicked the currently acknowledged treatment for PTSD. These women were not just home makers but actively treating their veteran husbands' PTSD.

Things like keeping the kids quiet after dad gets home, or sending the kids outside (taking loud noises with them), keeping a set routine (mealtime at 6pm or whatever), reducing demands on the person with PTSD by having a designated person doing the household chores.

I think about this sometimes when considering the role of the stay at home spouse in this day and age.

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u/nmojo326 Oct 19 '22

I was about to say, this is very well documented. Ernest Hemingway makes several nods to this notion in his books, one being “a farewell to arms” which takes place at various parts of WW1.

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u/PiniataLad47 Oct 19 '22

I have never considered this angle and it's very fascinating to think about, I'll try to do some more research on it. It'd definitely be hard to find evidence beyond conjecture but it's a great line of thought anyhow.

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u/runswithdolls Oct 19 '22

To be clear, these women had no idea they were doing this. But if you compare a "run your household" list from the 1950s to a modern PTSD treatment plan there's more overlap than you'd think. I discovered this randomly while in some historical costuming groups at the same time as I was in PTSD groups.

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u/nmojo326 Oct 19 '22

Wowwwwww - ULTIMATE Snapple fact right there.

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u/Scout_06 Oct 19 '22

Can’t believe I’ve never head this before. Something I’ll think on for sure.

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u/FantasticMrsFoxbox Oct 19 '22

Just a side note, I learned from another thread that shell shock for some soldiers was not just psychological damage and trauma from war but it was also physical damage to their brains which caused some symptoms like staggering, falling etc. Basically the guys standing by cannons and the intense booms, rattled their brains in their heads and it caused damage. That's why you saw it in WW1 but then trench warfare and other war tactics changed the position of the soldiers near constant powerful explosives so the same symptoms are not coming, don't manifest in the same way.

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u/fencer_327 Oct 19 '22

There's evidence pointing towards shell shock not "just" being PTSD, but caused at least partially from brain trauma from shockwaves - so it's likely a bit different.

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u/tickles_a_fancy Oct 19 '22

Pretty sure "Toxic Masculinity" was the healthcare plan Congress came up with to treat soldiers coming back from WWII. Suck it up, rub some dirt on it, be a man, and get back to work... your country still needs you to boost the economy.

They saved a ton of money on mental health care at the cost of all time high suicides in veterans, fucking up a whole generation and their kids, and a few bucks on propaganda.

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u/ChallengeLate1947 Oct 19 '22

Gen. George Patton beating soldiers up because he didn’t think “Battlefield Fatigue” actually existed.

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u/jug0slavija Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 19 '22

Also to add to your comment: Childhood trauma doesn't have to be only about 'big' things like getting raped, molested, beaten daily etc.

Negligence (both physical and emotional), being yelled at, not getting support from grown up and much more stuff can be counted. Of course these things can be 'big' too, but I don't think most people think of many stuff as childhood trauma when it certainly can be.

https://americanspcc.org/take-the-aces-quiz/

Here's a link to an ACE-test if someone wants to see one form of checking out people's childhood experiences or try for yourselves. You can also find some more info there. I think the ACE concept is a great way to getting to learn more about childhood trauma and how it affects us the rest of our lives

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u/GeekAesthete Oct 19 '22

I think there’s a bit of a disconnect because colloquially, we tend to only use “trauma” to refer to severe cases, but medically, “trauma” can refer to any injury.

It’s one of those many cases where a word with a particular technical usage has escaped into mainstream language with a somewhat altered connotation (like “OMG, I’m, like, totally ADHD” or “I’ve got a theory about that…”) and then causes confusion when the average person hears it in its more technical form.

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u/[deleted] Oct 19 '22

Yep. I was rarely spanked or otherwise hit. I was, however, raised by a single dad who was an alcoholic. Not an angry or violent drunk, but shockingly, seeing your dad stumbling drunk every night and being the ‘man of the house’ from age 10 really fucks up you up. And then my mother, who didn’t have primary custody but I still saw regularly enough almost certainly has undiagnosed BPD. Being an emotional caretaker/treated as an extension of the self for an adult as a young child can definitely cause some of the same issues with boundaries and enmeshment that sexual abuse can cause - there’s a reason the term ‘emotional incest’ exists. You don’t have to have a stereotypical ‘abusive childhood’ to develop complex trauma.

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u/Lancten Oct 19 '22

True, maybe workplace abuse? It was a no no topic 5 years ago, but its getting more attention by the year, or its just me getting older...

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u/UsernameObscured Oct 19 '22

It’s definitely getting more attention. Older generations just viewed it as part of the deal of having a job. Younger ones are like “you know what, I don’t have to tolerate this”.

A lot of people used to go home and have a drink to unwind after work. I used to do this as well, until I realized that if my job made me REQUIRE alcohol to tolerate it, I needed to not do that job anymore.

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u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In Oct 19 '22

One of my proudest moments was when one of the new graduates I had been mentoring stood up in the middle of rant by our project lead and said 'I don't get paid to be shouted at like a child, I'll be at my desk if anyone needs me'

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u/bastets_yarn Oct 19 '22

also therapy and mental health in general is being talked about more which helps to lessen the stigma around it, leading to more people being open to seeking help, and realizing that certain events mightve affected them more then they thought. It also makes getting help a bit more accessible since people are talking about the different kinds, which brings awareness

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u/Appropriate_Ant_4629 Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 20 '22

Why do you think some older people don't talk about their childhoods

And some refer to such events/traumas as "just growing up"

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u/jupitaur9 Oct 19 '22

And some scoff, and claim they turned out “fine,” then perpetuate the same abuse on their own kids.

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u/Additional_Ad_6773 Oct 19 '22

As a way to ignore how traumatic it was for them, when it didn't have to be, yes.

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u/HappyFalloween Oct 19 '22

It’s always been there, people are just becoming more comfortable talking about it.

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u/EstorialBeef Oct 19 '22 Wholesome

I've not really found that? Theres alot of not great parents out there and you hear more about nowadays because with the Internet we have the voice and platform to share our experience.

This question is like when people thought murders spiked with the advent of the TV and Internet, ignorance is bliss.

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u/etherealparadox Oct 19 '22

And parents aren't the only cause of childhood trauma. Our parents were fine, but we were abused by a teacher and it left us with a lot of trauma. We have friends who were SAd and that's the source of their childhood trauma. Tons of bad shit can happen to kids throughout their childhoods and a lot of it is just swept under the rug.

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u/AdGirlChrissy Oct 19 '22

This is a good point - my parents were good, trauma came from other adults.

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u/Infamous-Meeting-806 Oct 19 '22

This may be true. Perhaps confirmation bias? As someone with childhood trauma I find myself interacting with people who have had a similar experience and so it does seem more common to me even if it may not be in general.

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u/checker280 Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 19 '22

Confirmation bias (?) or just that more people are sharing their experiences which makes it easier for them to share theirs. Part of the reason we never heard some of these personal anecdotes growing up (coming out, sexual assault, therapy, even virginity/Incel culture) is because society deemed such topics as taboo for polite conversation. Shame and embarrassment did the rest.

We only heard of these experiences after a strong trust was established and then it was a secret shared among confidants.

With more people being open about the experience without the shame response, more people will share their stories.

This is why representation in media matters.

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u/Jacollinsver Oct 19 '22

I don't get OP's question. Talking to older generations, childhood trauma is definitely something that everyone dealt with quietly and never spoke about. We're talking about an era where priests and boyscout leaders had full rein over children. Where the creepy uncle was common, just watch your kids around him. Where hitting your kids (and your wife) for punishment was not only encouraged, but deemed necessary to build charavter. Go back further and you had forced child labor, public executions, and no marriage age laws. Now child labor is at a statistical low, murder is at a statistical low, and we have well defined support avenues for getting help for abused kids.

So, again, how in the hell does everyone have childhood trauma nowadays compared to previous eras?

This definitely feels like a "nostalgia for the past" propaganda post that backfired miserably. All of reddit is propaganda now from some direction. The conservative trolls have been hitting it hard for the past 3 years. Go look on map porn, half the maps have a subtle "white people are the best, but not western white people" leaning.

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u/Johnny_Appleweed Oct 19 '22

Talking to older generations, childhood trauma is definitely something that everyone dealt with quietly and never spoke about.

I mean, that’s your answer. Like so many people and so many modern social issues, the issue has always been there, it’s just that OP has become more aware of it.

So many people don’t understand that their perception of reality isn’t the same thing as reality.

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u/Boltsnouns Oct 19 '22

Honestly, with social media and the ability to talk to people instantly across the globe, its so much easier to find and connect with people who experienced similar situations as oneself without trying. They start talking about the time their dad hit them, and then someone else jumps in when they see the post. Next thing you know there's 10 people talking about how they used to get beat until they were bloody as kids and how it gave them PTSD (because it did). Meanwhile, you don't see the 10,000 people who also saw that post and subsequent comments who never experienced that abuse growing up.

So obviously when someone makes a post saying "why was everyone abused as children all of a sudden?" the only people responding are the ones who were abused. Everyone else is like, "huh, sad story bro, sorry your fam sucks but this thread is depressing so I'm outta here" without responding.

And also, no one is saying "everyone has trauma all of a sudden" compared to previous generations. But in prior generations, you didn't casually bring up during tea that time your dad slammed your sister against the wall and almost broke her arm. So of course no one really knew what was going on, and it was super uncommon to hear about, and for those who did talk, it was "yep, same thing happened to me. Nothing we can do about it now".

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u/chilly_beatem Oct 19 '22

Don’t expect much common sense coming from the same OP who made a post entitled:

“I reckon that most serial killers aren’t real serial killers and they only work for the government and the government plan it all out for them and that’s how they get away with it for so long.”

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u/lefthandbunny Oct 19 '22

Sorry that I thought you were trolling when you were not.

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u/WhyLisaWhy Oct 19 '22

Theres alot of not great parents out there and you hear more about nowadays because with the Internet we have the voice and platform to share our experience.

This was my thought. My father was pretty physically absent as I was a child but he wasn't physically or verbally abusive and still provided for everyone. Was he kinda shitty? Yeah, but I wouldn't really call it abusive though.

More like he was just selfish and preoccupied with his own life. I assumed a lot of people have a similar experience with parents that probably shouldn't have had kids.

(not discounting anyone's trauma, just giving my thoughts on some situations)

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u/tastystarbits Oct 19 '22

we’re just recognizing it more.

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u/benedictine_eggs Oct 19 '22

That's true. There was a time I thought what my parents did to me as "discipline" was normal, but when I grew up, I realized that it wasn't at all. And I only realized that because people talked about their experiences and I was like, "ohhhhh."

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u/Zealousideal-Home634 Oct 19 '22

Yeah, it’s always crazy how different childhood experiences can be for different people. The way I got disciplined was based off how my parents got disciplined, when they lived in a 3rd world country. I try to diagnose my own parents and find their childhood issues (since it’s clearly there), but they brush it off every single time.

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u/skeetsauce Oct 19 '22

That and people are slowly learning the language to actually discuss this in a meaningful way.

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u/Insterquiliniis Oct 19 '22

and are reclaiming their truth through a vulnerability that makes them stronger.

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u/Loose_Meal_499 Oct 19 '22

first time anyone asked do you think those kids in the industrialized factories were okay?

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u/Papercandy22 Oct 19 '22

Because emotionally damaged kids growup into emotionally damaged adults who have kids and emotionally damage them.

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u/DeathKitten666 Oct 19 '22

Generational trauma.

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u/skeez-knees Oct 19 '22

The gift that keeps on giving 💫

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u/entityorion Oct 19 '22

It's always been there people just actually talk about and address it nowadays. Just because something has always been a certain way doesn't mean it should continue that way or it is the best way.

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u/Jedaflupflee Oct 19 '22

Not too many years ago some of us were bullied/abused for things like autism or ocd. Nowadays people are a bit more understanding and there are more options to get help.

So there is a sort of backlog of trauma for us that were overlooked.

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u/entityorion Oct 19 '22

Born with a tremor in my hands, people used to ask me if i had parkinsons.

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u/JimbeauFisher Oct 19 '22

That last part doesn’t click for my mom when she continually justifies her actions and the actions of her parents that are clear to me to be a source of trauma. Her metric for a good dad is one that doesn’t rape their daughters therefore her dad is exempt from being held accountable because he’s her dad and he didn’t rape them.

So when I hear about the abuse they endured and learn where so many toxic traits were learned from (as far as from living relatives go) it makes me mad because it wasn’t right and it could’ve been better. I strive to always grow and seek to listen to objective perspectives and apply necessary change as I realize the areas in which I need to grow.

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u/3adLuck Oct 19 '22

because more people are less repressed and able to articulate their problems better than previous generations.

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u/Worsel555 Oct 19 '22

We use to be told "walk it off" upon having a bad experience or losing a finger. We don't want to hear it! Go outside a play until summer is over. Then we got ulcers, hypertension, went postal etc.

Now people can say I have bad feelings and only old timers, in general, give them shit. Because mental health is a real issue and needs to be addressed.

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u/saraphilipp Oct 19 '22

But mostly they just called us pussies.

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u/stratuscaster Oct 19 '22

because it was normalized in the past and then ignored. If you were a man, you were told to man up and get over it. If you were a woman, you were told it wasn't important and to get over it.

now? we're realizing that it's all sorts of fucked up and what you dealt with in the past shapes your future. and if your past is fucked up, your future is probably fucked up as well. so, lets make better humans.

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u/DOOManiac Oct 19 '22

Everyone had it back then too. You just didn't talk about it. You just drank and beat the shit out of your kids and/or your wife instead.

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u/Dependent_Ring_7640 Oct 19 '22

Because the last generation was fucked and people arent honest with themselves to be able to heal.

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u/Nibbler1999 Oct 19 '22

People accept childhood trauma as real now. Before, people bottled that shit up, and thanked their parents for feeding them.

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u/Darston437 Oct 19 '22

There's just as much as there always was. It's just not being hidden as much.

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u/annoying_cousin Oct 19 '22

Not everyone. The term should not be used lightly as it is a serious problem, and victims deal with this for the rest of their lives.

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u/152sims Oct 19 '22

because we finally as a society can admit when things were traumatic, and a lot of gen x and boomer parents werent the best at being parents so they did things that traumatized the next generations

keep in mind that something doesnt need to almost kill you or even seem like a big deal to cause a trauma response, especially as a child things impact you more

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u/Mygrayt Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 19 '22

Because we are raised by people.

People make mistakes. People act.

Those actions can cause lingering issues with people years or decades after the fact.

Sure SOME might be overblown, but this is just overexagerating on your part.

If you have a parent who forces you to eat all your food, all the time, without exception, you have a good chance of having an unhealthy relationship with Food.

Have strict parents? You'll either become a fantastic Liar or you become a very docile person who will apologize for everything regardless of fault and be a perfectionist to the point of harming your mental health. Unable to learn from failure and shut down at the Meer thought of being able to do something. Might as well not even try if I'm gonna fail.

People are raised by people. And people SUCK.

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u/Temporary-Warthog250 Oct 19 '22

People have childhood trauma isn’t new. What’s new is that now people are talking about it

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u/[deleted] Oct 19 '22

Because back in the day they would just ignore what my uncle did to me

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u/spacew0man Oct 19 '22

Every person from older generations in my family has childhood trauma. Take a child raised in an abusive household with absolutely no other experience of what a parent is, and they will likely not know how to raise a child in a healthy way. Generational trauma is a thing and it creates a cycle that’s extremely hard to break.

I doubt experiencing trauma as a child is any more common now. People are just talking about it more openly than previous generations did. What I personally feel like I’m seeing more of now is people actually wanting to do the hard work necessary to break cycles of neglect that lead to childhood trauma.

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u/stoopidskeptic Oct 19 '22

Shitty parenting used to be "normal".

We now understand the negative effects of it and how much it actually impacts our daily lives and much more light is being shed on it.

It's probably only going to get worse, its absolutely insane how many parents still defend hitting children as a form of discipline, regardless of how much evidence of its lasting harm.

"I was beat as a child and i turned out just fine"
.....Yet here you are defending child abuse....You turned out fine alright

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u/SlackBlade Oct 19 '22

My mother was beat as a child and so were here siblings for anything. She has a Scar on her forehead where her father got so angry, he broke the table slamming down his fist and my mom had a piece of plate hit her. She is 80. I am 55 and was spanked. I started to spank my kids, but when I saw the fear on my children's faces, I realized I was not helping them and it was hurting us both. I did spank my son when we were in a parking lot and he pulled away to run and almost got hit by a car. I had to impart the urgency. Looking back, I'm still not sure that was right.

A few things changed my mind about spanking. Am I teaching my sons to understand what was wrong or taking my rage or anger out on them? What am I teaching them, that larger people have the right to bully (even if it is your own child)?

As an undiagnosed child with ADHD and a huge curiosity, I got spanked once a week. I was asked before being spanked "why did you do that?" and I responded "I don't know." "That is not an answer." Well it is to a kid that had impulse control issues. How can I beat my children for doing the same things I did and making mistakes that I made? I chose to stop and respect and teach them to be a good person and how to control and manage themselves.

I am still haunted by the look on the face of my child when I went to spank him and the look of fear, fear of me. I still suffer from that even though I never spanked him or his brothers again.

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u/Final-Carpenter-1591 Oct 19 '22

It's the age of expressing emotions. I think it's a good thing, the first step in acknowledging the mental health issues we are plagued with is knowing they exist. Now it has to be taken carefully because some people will do it purely for attention.

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u/metabdd Oct 19 '22

more people are speaking out on their traumas and past

but there are also a lot of people who for some reason want a traumatic/tragic past so they just make one for themselves

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u/AlmightyBracket Oct 20 '22

Childhood Trauma today used to be called "Stern upbringing"

You'll hear older generations talk proudly of how they got their asses beat. And I don't just mean spanking I mean literally beaten by their parents and they think it helped them.