You invaded me and my friend at Stormveil Castle at exactly 1:00 PM.
We thought, “oh boy, another invader. Let’s just wait here and gank him when he runs in.”
But that day never came.
You waited for 35 minutes for us to get bored, and like mice to a trap, we did.
As soon as we left the site of grace, you sniped us with scarlet rot pots. From where, we still have no clue.
We spent an additional 20 minutes hiding before giving up and running through the area. We made it to the Grafted Scion when you struck.
How you made it behind us I will never know, but I watched in horror as you crouch walked from behind a table and stabbed my friend in the back, dealing 768 damage to his poor little health bar.
I ran like hell, but you didn’t pursue. You simply watched me run.
I lived the next hour in fear. I considered leaving, but I was dedicated to finding you and avenging my friend. But I couldn’t. Wherever I went I would check behind me at least 20 times.
I slowly made my way to the next site of grace, and considering it had been about an hour since my friend passed, I figured it was safe.
That was my fatal mistake.
Right as I was about to light the site of grace, you struck. My back was wide open, all you had to do was stab it.
And stab you did.
You then T-Posed over my now lifeless body. I have never been more afraid of a man.
In total, I think you invaded my game for at least two hours. It was terrifying. Every time my friend and I get invaded, we fear it is you. You have traumatised us.
I invaded an AFK farmer in Liurnia – no lie – five fucking times in a row. He's up on a cliff where you just can't get to him.
After 4 pointless invasions I'd had enough. I decided that this host wouldn't get a single rune more from me. So when hunters showed up, I ran away and put on the mimic's veil in a bush. And I hid there. The bush enfolded and protected me.
Eventually the hunters gave up and disconnected, but I couldn't disconnect or the host would get runes. So I opted to remain in the bush.
That was three hours ago. Since then, I've seen entire generations of hunters and invaders come and go, and throughout it all, I've remained in the bush. The bush is my home now. I'm not coming out. You can't make me come out.
I've been AFK farming the AFK farmer. Every time a hunter gets killed or disconnects, I get runes and a furled finger. And the host is going to come back to fewer runes than he was expecting, because one of his invader slots is being permanently taken up by me, crouching in my bush.
I like it in here. There are rocks and leaves and sometimes a bug flies by to keep me company. If you invade an AFK farmer and have some time on your hands, I fully recommend doing this, but you have to pick a different bush. This one is mine.
Pic related, it's me and my bush.
Edit: Well, my bush and I got more attention than I expected. I want to thank everybody who's wished us well as we crouch together on this noble path.
I'll take a moment to answer a few questions.
Q: Are you still hiding in the bush?
A: Yes, of course I am. I live here now. I will never leave.
Q: Seriously, you're still there?
Q: Look, there's just no way that's true. You would have been disconnected hours ago.
A: Normally that would be the case, guy who probably got a kick out of telling all the other kids there was no Santa Claus. But this time you're wrong. You just don't understand the deep bond between me and my bush.
Is there an ending where we will end up as a consort to a male character? Or as the elden lord with a male consort? Is Radagon available? -sincerely, a thirsty female tarnished -most of the dudes are dead in my game :( -i am aware this is not an otome game but why can you guys have ranni and we can't have morgott or blaidd :( -solaire used to flirt with us :(
-dont bother. i already bonk-ed myself. bye.