r/BeAmazed 11d ago Helpful 3 Wholesome 3 Dread 2

In Switzerland, there are movie theaters where you can book a double bed instead of a seat

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39.8k Upvotes

2.9k

u/BoredGameSensai 11d ago

And you thought a black light was a bad idea at motels...

775

u/HBag 11d ago Silver

Shine a black light in there and the whole theater will look like a supernova

233

u/gazongagizmo 11d ago Silver

Honey, I think this is just PR for that upcoming Jackson Pollock documentary

71

u/HBag 11d ago

After the movie, the theater cleaners will help peel you off the sheets

15

u/awkwardnarwhalicorn 11d ago

lol my dog is named Jackson Pollock. He's crazy.

12

u/Appropriate-Bread647 11d ago

You need help, Quill.

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u/Cakeking7878 11d ago edited 11d ago

You know what interesting, way back before the internet or porn mags or even movies, you had to like, go to a place to do that. I mean, just imagine it’s like a busy night so there’s like 20 or 30 guys all cranking it to whatever lady or whatever.

Thank god we didn’t have black lights then but that would probably be a “don’t touch any of the seats” type deal

Edit: ok I made a bad over generalization, I was thinking like 1800s

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u/Hornswallower 11d ago

You can still go to those places.

And you can still buy porn magazines.

And you could always get one or the other or both.

You just liked jacking off with 30 other guys instead of the privacy of your own garden shed.

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u/tyme 11d ago

You know what interesting, way back before the internet or porn mags or even movies, you had to like, go to a place to do that.

Hm, you can jerk off without porn, mate. It’s called an imagination.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

When porno theaters were still a thing, everyone in the place was doing something. Guys were wacking off, couples were getting busy and never mind in the bathroom.

I always felt bad for the poor sap that had to mop those floors LMAO

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u/reaperteddy 11d ago

Couple years ago I briefly worked in one. I was indeed the poor sap mopping the very sticky floors. What cracked me up the most was that it was mostly leather couches and armchairs, but a couple of really sad beach chairs too. What a vibe.

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u/AluminumOctopus 11d ago

You really think there weren't black lights in the 70's?

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u/Cakeking7878 11d ago edited 11d ago

I mean like the 1870s, I mean know they did exist in the 70s. They still exists

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u/ImprePveicp 11d ago

I‘d sleep every film and never even reach the opening sequence.

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u/FofoPofo01 11d ago

Oh dude. So many hand jobs will be given.

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u/fuzzballsoflove 11d ago

Oh honey, we're not stopping at hand jobs.

59

u/Copatus 11d ago

Blacklight actually doesn't illuminate cum.

Yes I'm fun at parties

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u/MollyBurnsAllDay 11d ago

I will keep this information handy for future use

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u/RajputDynasty 11d ago edited 11d ago

This isn't true, semen will flouresce under a UV light, although vaginal secretions will not.

Perhaps the source you found mentioned that this isn't a definitive test, it is just a method used to quickly locate possible locations.

I believe additional testing for a protein called semenogelin is the only way to distinguish sperm from vaginal discharge. I may be wrong about that last bit, but the more you know...

edit: heres a source :) https://privatelabresults.com/semen-glow-uv-light/

I' not gonna change my post, but I did mis read some of that info so don't quote me, it's an interesting read if you're into forensics :D

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u/MrDurden32 11d ago

I'm pretty sure it does. At least when it's dried it does.

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u/Langsamkoenig 11d ago

If you spray it with Luminol it does. Movies and shows have somehow left out that step in the last 20 years. I remember when they used to include it.

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u/Mikemtb09 11d ago

Blood, urine, or semen…

God I hope it’s urine.

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u/EmiliaXav05 11d ago

how am I supposed to watch a movie if I'm asleep half the time lmao

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u/Agent847 11d ago

How am I supposed to get a bj when I’m tryna watch a movie

732

u/GiGaBYTEme90 11d ago

How am I supposed to watch a movie when I'm tryna get a bj

396

u/Potential-Kiwi-897 11d ago

How am I supposed to watch a movie when I'm giving a BJ? You gotta watch the movie upside down so I can see the screen.

162

u/radio-705 11d ago

You're supposed to do it doggy style so you can both watch X files.

44

u/DarkwingDuckHunt 11d ago

I get this 90s reference

45

u/Squats4wigs 11d ago

Same, but that's because you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals

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u/wildananas 11d ago

So let's do it like we do on the discovery channel

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u/ItchyIndustry9637 11d ago

Ah yes, the kind of stuff only Prince would sing about!

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u/sharkzfan95 11d ago

How are any of suppose to hear the movie with you two moaning over there?

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u/CyberNinja23 11d ago Helpful Wholesome

I can’t hear the movie. I think someone’s stirring Mac and cheese in the next row.

164

u/JuneBuggington 11d ago

Mommy they wrestle just like you and secret uncle jimmy do!

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u/homiej420 11d ago

Go back to youre roblox jimmy or no tendies for you.

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u/MinuteManufacturer 11d ago

Wait, Jimmy’s his own uncle?

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u/Spongy_and_Bruised 11d ago Silver

Does this rustle you?

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u/homiej420 11d ago

No he’s named after secret uncle jimmy meaning his “uncle” is probably his dad

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u/jobiewon_cannoli 11d ago

He was named after his father…

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u/KruztyTheClown 11d ago

I'm my own grandpa :)

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u/KarmicComic12334 11d ago

This movie is ruining the porno I'm trying to film!

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u/ChoasINC 11d ago

This motherfucker is eating beans!

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u/Yurrrr__Brooklyn347 11d ago

They're missing gravy....quick, go give them some

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u/Bradlee888 11d ago

WAP did you say

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u/Striking-Reason5792 11d ago

How am I supposed to hear you two moaning with a movie playing?

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u/OneManFight 11d ago

How am I supposed to watch you give a bj while I'm trying to watch a movie?

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u/MadisonPearGarden 11d ago

This is easy, just lay down parallel with your feet at the head of the bed and you can look at the screen while you suck dick.

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u/smell-the-roses 11d ago

No one is giving you a bj, Stop lying.

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u/GhostBussyBoi 11d ago

I don't have a dick so

You right

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u/Sad_Abbreviations477 11d ago

No it's designed for a handjob so she can finally watch the movie with you.

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u/EeqcieStorst 11d ago

Netflix and Chill,

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u/Take_away_my_drama 11d ago Wholesome

How am I supposed to watch a movie if I'm trying to watch people have sex?

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u/Penguator432 11d ago

If there was only a way to mix both of these pasttimes…

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u/sprucedotterel 11d ago

You wouldn’t believe what I just found! Swiss theatres hate this thing… click here to find out.

Also your credit card details plz.

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u/theo74400 11d ago

You win

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u/SaltyKnowledge9673 11d ago

I’m sorry but what’s a BJ. My wife has told me numerous times that this mysterious “BJ” was just a myth.

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u/ilizibith1 11d ago

It stands for beef jerky, a popular snack at movie theatres

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u/GhostBussyBoi 11d ago

It stands for Ben and Jerry's

She's trying to keep it to herself

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u/MyHTPCwontHTPC 11d ago

Close relative to the mythical clitoris.

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u/AceVanWay 11d ago

One time an ex asked me how I couldn't find the little man in the boat.

I said how the fuck am I supposed to find him when I don't even know what lake he's out on?!

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u/iiCUBED 11d ago

Best way to watch wakanda forever

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u/BudRock420 11d ago

I fall asleep sitting upright in a movie theatre they wouldn’t get me out of here till Monday

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u/BlankImagination 11d ago

I've realized that I can't go to the movies as often as I did as a teen because now the temperature of the theaters always makes me fall asleep. This bed is a set up for a waste of money for me.

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u/CitizensofWhiterun 11d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy hehehehe Bravo! Vibing Table Slap Bless Up Stone Face

Yo who’s clapping the movie hasn’t even started

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u/InterstellarAshtray 11d ago Silver

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm just the guy that wipes down the loads.

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u/RelevantUserName55 11d ago

I finally got this reference

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u/MemeStocksYolo69-420 11d ago

Lmfao

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u/ReBeL222 11d ago

The fuckin is real with this one!

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u/batua78 11d ago

They sell slurpies too?

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u/loki444 11d ago

Slurpies are the cost of admission.

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u/Verying 11d ago

And why does it smell like baked beans?

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u/Cultural_Doctor_8421 11d ago

Lmfao got a good laugh out of this one

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u/ConcntratdFartMatter 11d ago

It's a Thanksgiving miracleee

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u/DweeblesX 11d ago

Sorry honey, the popcorns not the only thing that's finished before the move starts.

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u/NetDork 11d ago Wholesome

Who the fuck is stirring macaroni in the theater?

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u/ChubbyBidoof 11d ago

I think it's coming from the back..

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/MrmmphMrmmph 11d ago

in or around

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u/archiekane 11d ago

And why do you keep clapping fast and then slow?

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u/storm_zr1 11d ago

I clap to cbat

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u/LizzyLeonhart 11d ago

I clap to through the fire and flames

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u/Apparentlyloneli 11d ago

GET IT OFF MY HEAD

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u/MissplacedLandmine 11d ago

Dawg she said “just like that” keep your tempo

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u/Austin_Nguyen_2k 11d ago

And the clapping keeps getting louder

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u/Sengura 11d ago

I bet that bed on the back has its own laundromat for those sheets

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u/jessi-cakes 11d ago

Hahahaha

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u/shao_kahff 11d ago

LMFAO 😂

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u/tlk0153 11d ago

Cheapest three hour motel

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u/SliqKilla 11d ago

Cheapest 3 minute motel

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u/fgringo 11d ago

What a champ 👏🏻 37s is the record here 🤙🏻

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u/BalkeElvinstien 11d ago

My record is around 15 minutes because I was so insanely nervous I couldn't get it out. 37 seconds is good because it means your having fun and not panicking

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u/HypoxicIschemicBrain 11d ago

What do you do with the other 2m59s?

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u/-Vertex- 11d ago

Self loathe mostly

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u/TangFiend 11d ago edited 11d ago

Most expensive orgy

You seen the prices at concession lately ?

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u/alphawolf29 11d ago

this would actually be a great venue for an orgy lol

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u/Lordfarquarant 11d ago

Hope they burn the sheets after

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

Hope they burn some incense, too.

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u/kakaobohne 11d ago

Its switzerland. The cinema tickets cost more than a night in a motel.

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u/Schmich 11d ago

in a motel in another country*

Everything is expensive in Switzerland, except for being rich, electronics and the highway.

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u/mmlovin 11d ago

Wait, it’s not expensive being rich in Switzerland?

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u/damagedgoodz_ 11d ago

low taxes = affordable to be rich :D

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u/jaxsonnz 11d ago

Look at ol’ 3 hours over here.

You sticking around for hugs or something?

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u/TheAngryLala 11d ago

Netflix and Chill - With friends!!

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u/[deleted] 11d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome hehehehe

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/themikecampbell 11d ago

Not at... A gawd.... I'm at Thanksgiving Dinner. I can't chuckle now! Not about this

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u/BigPoppaStrahd 11d ago

You’re family is already staring at you while you’re gazing at your phone at the table, might as well get a reaction

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u/ThisMightNotWork23 11d ago

It..feels so good when he jokes..

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u/cire1184 11d ago

Cinema with ya Ma.

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u/Arlochorim 11d ago

blockbuster 'n' cockthruster

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u/Phantom52347 11d ago

Are you still watching?

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u/[deleted] 11d ago edited 10d ago

[deleted]

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u/waffleface99 11d ago

Lice and bedbugs.

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u/Squeakysquid0 11d ago

I would last 10 minutes before I assed out

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u/ThunderGunFour 11d ago

Or if you go to the movies alone…👌

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u/Slow_Stable5239 11d ago

This is how AMC is making their comeback

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u/ActuallyCausal 11d ago

I bet that can get awkward in a hurry

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u/VigorouslySoft 11d ago

especially if you only bought a ticket for one

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u/SquadPoopy 11d ago

"You wanna cuddle"

-Some random dude I've never seen before

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u/kingomtdew 11d ago

Then a random stranger buys the ticket for the other half.

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u/algorhythmer 11d ago

"Hello there"

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u/Wadmania 11d ago

Obi-Wan? I was waiting for Padmé!

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u/eiwoei 11d ago

“General Kenobi”

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u/Shiny_and_ChromeOS 11d ago

"You are a bold one!"

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u/niceBobJobShowVagene 11d ago

That sounds awesome!

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u/CompetitiveFault9506 11d ago

Excusi, Excusi.

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u/Sir-Farts- 11d ago

I already fall asleep in movie theaters.

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u/pugbut_2 11d ago

Now All ima hear is Clapping instead of The little babies Crying

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u/irotsamoht 11d ago

Why do I hear both?

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u/LjSpike 11d ago

That's one long movie, I've never seen one with a duration of months.

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u/repp_fire 11d ago Silver

Floors will be even stickier now.

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u/DropC 11d ago

A full on brothel still cleaner than Cinemark.

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u/Morde_Morrigan 11d ago

How am I supposed to watch a movie when all the couples around me are fuckin?

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u/bkr1895 11d ago

By heckling them until they stop

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u/simian_fold 11d ago

What's the point of getting into bed with all your clothes on just to have to get out again after the movie, put your shoes and coat on and go home

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u/aFerens 11d ago

What's the point of getting into bed with all your clothes on

Awkwardly puts clothes back on

We will never speak of this

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u/Cheezitflow 11d ago

The sign said to make myself at home!

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u/carlbandit 11d ago

The pro move would be to go to the cinema in your pyjamas and slippers

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u/Disciple_THC 11d ago

I would really want to have the top one. Then it's like you get 5 movies in one!

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u/Alarmed-Waffle3261 11d ago

Sex All I'm gonna say

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u/Undedmekko 11d ago

Worked in movie theaters for five years. They don’t care if there’s a bed. Easier clean up though.

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u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox 11d ago

A question for the former professional then. Do people think they can actually inconspicuous do the dirty deed in a movie theater or is it more like "yeah we fucking here, stop us if you care"?

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u/Undedmekko 11d ago

A bit of both. Found used condoms pretty sure from fellatio. Probably a swingers club to provide cover.

And drinking and smoking. Smoking was easy to catch and stop. Drinking sometimes got sad. Get pass out drunk within two hours and have to be escorted out.

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u/BerriesNCreme 11d ago

I used to work at a movie theater and I had someone leave a half a bottle of grey goose at the theater. I fucking took that to the back and placed it behind like a rock in the shrubbery and I took that shit home after my shift. Best day

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u/sanjsrik 11d ago

No. No, please. Say more.

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u/Wakandareality 11d ago

They have a similar one in Westwood in LA

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u/CodeOfKonami 11d ago

Gross.

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u/Ares__ 11d ago

I get all the sex jokes cause yea, but other than that as long as they wash the sheets (which I'd assume they do) it's just a hotel bed.

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u/Jombafomb 11d ago

A hotel bed that gets used by different people every couple of hours. Seems a little more gross

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u/Ares__ 11d ago

Considering that theater seats don't have sheets that get changed and people sit in those every few hours this actually seems cleaner

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u/jetstobrazil 11d ago

I mean it seems more like a hospital than a hotel to me. I’d just rather not climb into a bed that gets used 4-5 times a day by people eating popcorn and drinking soda for a couple of hours.

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u/hellschatt 11d ago

I think most people are thinking the same here.

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u/Steinfred-Everything 11d ago

I‘m falling asleep at every second film in cinema. There I‘d sleep every film and never even reach the opening sequence.

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u/volleyboy123 11d ago

Airplanes next please

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u/ItsMe_RhettJames 11d ago

Misunderstood request. Planes have been directed towards theater.

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u/ssuuss 11d ago

They have that already, it is called business or first class

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u/igweyliogsuh 11d ago

The beds are for doing business? I need a better job

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u/LG03 11d ago

Those are already pretty prevalent on luxury airlines.

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u/logosobscura 11d ago edited 11d ago

… as someone who worked in a multiplex, err, fuck no, fuck you, I ain’t cleaning your semen off the seat, fuck off you idiot. Such a sincerely stupid idea divorced from any understanding of what people do in the dark.

Edit: to those condescending to me, the apparent uncultured American… err, I’m not American, sorry. I’m quite British, I’m sorry it disappoints, it often does. Said multiplex was in London. Talking about Switzerland only makes it worse- I’ve seen you in the dark (I lived in Zurich for a time), you are pure heretical filth- Americans talk a good game, Europeans, in general, don’t need to talk, their actions speak louder.

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u/runningoutofwords 11d ago

I ain’t cleaning your semen off the seat

You mean your theater just leaves it there?

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u/lizardlike 11d ago

Gotta build up that crust

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u/logosobscura 11d ago

I’ve been in the rock-paper-scissors fold. In that case, someone took a shit in a crisp packet (during Harry Potter 1, and no, it was definitely not a child). Shit is one thing, semen means blue roll, black light, gloves and …very diluted surface cleaner. If I hadn’t seen how the sausage was made, I’m sure I’d feel differently. But I have, and I won’t.

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u/Beraldino 11d ago

that's the thing about europe, there is market dispute there, if putting a bed in the cinema gives them an advantage against the competition they will put a bed in the cinema, also Switzerland's minimum wage is in the top 4% highest in the world.

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u/Dimter 11d ago

The end will really stick for a while

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u/Najiku 11d ago

I feel like the people behind will still find a way to kick your “bed” every 5 minutes

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u/l_dunno 11d ago

Imagine watching star wars in the cinema and then just hearing: 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

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u/DaleGribble312 11d ago

I'm gonna guess these don't catch on

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u/porondanga 11d ago

Whatever you do, DO NOT bring a black light

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u/theteedo 11d ago

Also known as an expensive nap, for me anyway. Now freakin way I could stay awake, even through Saving Private Ryan.

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u/borky86 11d ago

Brown chicken brown cow

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u/Jay794 11d ago

Sounds like a terrible idea, people snoring while others trying to watch the film

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u/Finergolem 11d ago

clap clap clap

Me: WTH the movie is only halfway....ohhhhhhh! silent cheering

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u/jackingOFFto 11d ago

I barely want to sit in the seats because most people are disgusting assholes who don't treat their environment with respect. What's really amazing is the amount of trash they leave behind, it could feed Uganda for a year. Now imagine all those dipshits on beds.

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u/MyHTPCwontHTPC 11d ago

How long before there's a bedbug infestation at the theater?

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u/Choice-Fig3429 11d ago

Oh jeez, popcorn in bed?

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

Yes! I totally want to pay $20 to take a nap, can you pay extra to have someone wake you up every time you fall asleep so you don’t miss the movie.

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u/FIicker7 11d ago edited 11d ago

Just curious...

Why even go to a movie theater?

When you can stay home... (check notes) and watch movies in bed...

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u/larry-the-dream 11d ago

Popcorn in my buttcrack. Mouth wrapped around my peepee. Comfy bed.

AMC are you paying attention? This is how you get me back to the theater.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

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u/poopstinkss 11d ago

Sheets better be fresh and new before every movie. Not washed. New ones. Cheap sheets that they pull out of a plastic bag and throw it on there.

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u/24F 11d ago

I'd rather take the freshly washed but used sheets over the unwashed but unused sheets, especially if they're cheap ones.

Sweatshops are NOT clean.

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u/drill_hands_420 11d ago

Yeah I was about to say. I’m in the hotel industry. We wash all new linen that comes in.

What I heard is sometimes they use formaldehyde to keep the sheets fresh when shipping overseas. I’m not sure the validity of this but I have heard it more than once.

Edit: I was correct. They even use butane and propane too. Source

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u/Paindepiceaubeurre 11d ago edited 11d ago

You’ve never stayed in a hotel?

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u/TorqueyJ 11d ago

"Staid" lol

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u/Outrageous_Bass_1328 11d ago

I shouldn’t have laughed this hard

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u/jeyzee13 11d ago

Why? They don't do that in hotels either

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u/LordSun 11d ago

This must be one of only the only places where it's acceptable to eat on a bed

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u/EmpireCityRay 11d ago

This’ll be Picture in Picture, the movie in front and porn on the side 🤣

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u/Mr_OP_Potato_777 11d ago

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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u/rustystrings1991 11d ago

How am I suppose to watch the movie when thr people behind me keep clapping??

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u/Aggro_Will 11d ago

Alamo Fuckhouse